Dear Imamku
Start Loving

Can a friend say love? Is your friendship overdone like this? Don't worry I'm always quiet so you're just like me! Don't worry, I always forgive if you make a mistake! I also have patience and I have limits! I think you don't appreciate me anymore, you just want to be with me. You know I always forgive you. So when you make a mistake, you know that I will forgive you, so you can just as easily make mistakes!

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Today, it feels like I'm dreaming, being able to walk with Fauzi again. It felt like I wanted to hold her tightly, and wanted to be with her on, on and on and on without anyone separating the two of us. If time could stop now, I would be with Fauzi on his bike, everything would feel so beautiful with him.

Like first. Fauzi told me to hold her tightly but all I did was hug her normally, meaning not to hug her tightly as she requested.

"Give me," call Fauzi.

"Why? Want to be picked up again? Okay. " I'm about to pinch Fauzi's head, and.

"Ohhh, Dibah! " sad Fauzi. "Not to be caught!"

"Keep what? "

"Not so! "

"Flame! "

"Not so! "

"Flame!! " call.

"Forget Adibah. " I'm quiet. It's my mainstay to melt Fauzi's heart. Hope it works. Aamiins. "Adibah, "call Fauzi but I'm still quiet.

"Geez! "

"Geez! "

"Geez! "

He kept calling my name, until he finally said the same word I was waiting for. "Yaudah, I was just saying."

I'm staring. "What's? "

"You know. "

"No," I said immediately cutting off his words.

"Astagfirullah. Adibah, if people talk, don't cut the speaker." He's holding his temple.

"Well, wrong Which one? Kan Fauzi said that if people talk don't cut. Being told to talk to the apes now," I chuckled, Fauzi chuckled.

"Geez, I'm serious. "

"I'm sorry, sorry" I said in a laugh.

"You know." His tone sounded sad. Is he sad now? I looked at his face. "You're the uncertainty I'm fighting for."

Again he was horrible again. What now is the nature of Abdi moving to Fauzi? Abdi, my only friend who is very good at being a tombal, but now maybe moving to Fauzi. Fucking weird.

"Adibah, "call him back.

"What else, Fauzi? Wanted to fight again." I don't know what I'm saying is zoudson or facts. But now he's more of a tombal so what's wrong I'm arguing.

"No! "

"Certainly? "

"We are far apart now.

"so. "

"But nothing, at least we can still hear the same sound of the Adhan," he said while tightening the speed of the bike.

I laugh. "Obviously, we're still in town. "we both laughed.

Talking to him I don't have any boredom for this. Look, we've reached the apartment but I still haven't come down. I didn't realize it. Embarrassing.

"Maybe too happy with me yes, until the samples don't come down." Fauzi chuckles. This is so embarrassing.

"No, Dibah bag was stuck," I said lying while stepping a few inches from my place. "Will go in first. Thank you for sending me, Dibah. "

"Yes. Assalamualaikum, Adibah," he said. "i love you. "he passed away leaving me still fixated on hearing his words. Oh my God, what was my dream last night? Fauzi love me? Ahh, is this real?

I smiled, turning around to enter the apartment. I was just about to return but, Brother Farzan was already there, a few meters from where I was standing. When's he there? Ah somehow.

I smiled again, but why did Brother Farzan leave? Is his habit back? Basic never sensitized! Just look at me angry now with Farzan! I'm upset with Farzan!

The smile that had been engraved on my face now disappeared because of my annoyance at Brother Farzan! Ah, wait for me to get angry!

Arriving into the apartment, I did not see the whereabouts of Farzan. Where's she? I went into his room to check into his presence. But the result was nothing, he wasn't there. Where's she? A moment later I realized someone was coming out of my room. He's Farzan's brother, what's he doing there?

I was about to talk to him but he was ahead of me. "Who is he, "he said.

I thought for a moment. "He's Fauzi, saha-"

"Friends until the hug? "his talent.

My chest feels tight. I just told Jihan that Brother Farzan never got mad at me, but now? She why? Anyone please explain him why?

"He's just a friend, Dibah. "

"What is this friendship until it can embrace, linger with it? He's not even your mahram, Dibah! Wait, have you ever been like this to me? Have you ever behaved like that to me? I know, I'm just a stranger who suddenly came into your life, suddenly I proposed to you and suddenly I became your husband!

"Can a friend say love to his best friend? Is your friendship overdone like this? Don't keep me quiet when you make a mistake, so you can be just like me! Don't worry, I always forgive you if something goes wrong! I also have patience and I have limits! I think you don't appreciate me anymore. So when you make a mistake, you know that I will forgive you, so you can just as easily!

"To make mistakes! I swear I'm very disappointed in you, Dibah. You consider my presence unimportant! Ye. Arghh! " sister Farzan is crying. Am I this cruel? What did I do just so stupid that Brother Farzan could be this angry at me? Oh my God, what is this? "Maybe it's my biggest mistake to have approached a person whose heart is somehow to whom. And stupidly, I always thought that you had the same feelings for me. I realized that everything I did for you was never meaningful. Maybe next time, I shouldn't easily drop a heart." He said while laughing sarcastically with tears still flowing his cheeks. I've never seen him cry like this.

My tears just flowed with the speed. "Did Dibah marry Farzan out of love? No no! Dibah never had the slightest feeling for Brother Farzan, is Dibah wrong now? They know what Dibah did. But according to Dibah what Dibah just did was right, Dibah loved him more than Dibah himself, Dibah loved Fauzi. Let Dibah search for what Dibah wants. " I put both my hands forward, pleading. Still like that, in a sniffling state.

"Can you give me a speck of space in your heart? Can there be love for me in your heart? If you can't, just appreciate my presence in your life, appreciate me as your partner. "sister Farzan rubbed his tears rough. "if it's still hard, just remember that I exist. "

"God, it's been trying but again it's been very difficult. Loving new people is not easy. He's Fauzi, he's been in Dibah's life for a long time, even long before Farzan's brother came."

Brother Farzan laughed cynically. "Huh. Fauzi again? Can he be like me? Adibah, I am your husband. You know, I love you but you don't know it. You don't understand this."

"Give it time to receive the Doctor entirely. " I'm back begging.

Just like earlier, Brother Farzan was still laughing with tears still flowing. "Stupid! I'm stupid! Arghhhh! I was so stupid, Adibah. I always dreamed of having you completely but just like the beginning it was just a dream, a dream that will always be a dream." he shouted furiously while slamming the flower pot that was on his right side, I was shocked.

Farzan's chest rose and fell, as a long breath mixed with his anger. I look at the face of Farzan's brother who also looks at me, the difference is he looks at me full of anger while I? I looked at him with fear.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Dibah. " His voice sounded raucous yet sharp. "you know what hurts the most but to be betrayed? Is in love by yourself. That's how I feel now, Adibah! "

I'm silent. He made me shudder to see it.

A moment later he left me in that apartment. I'm falling down, I think I've made a very, very fatal mistake now. What's up with me? Why am I a dissident now? God, what sins am I committing now? He's my husband, he's my priest, but why am I like this to him? Agggh! You are Adibah!! But honestly, there's no love in my heart yet for Doctor.

Oh God, I'm disappointed right now, I'm saddened by this. I'm honestly tired of everything. I'm tired of always being patient, I'm tired of always being quiet, I'm tired of always pretending 'I'm fine god'. If this has been my life, please strengthen this heart to live it, I believe everything will be beautiful in time.

When your heart is too hopeful for someone, God sends to you the pain of hope, so that you know that God is very jealous of those who wish besides him. Allah prevents you from doing this, so that you may return to His hope. (Shefi'i Imam)

I stepped into my room. I put my body on the bed and grumbled at myself. My tears just kept flowing nonstop. I hope I still have tears tomorrow.

"Assalamualaikum, Dibah." Jihan's voice was so small.

"Girishalam, Ji. What was? " i asked with a snot voice that was also heard, maybe he heard it.

"Well, are you crying? Or sick? Wh why? " ask Jihan who made my tears break.

"Jihan, "call me in a soft voice.

"Why are you, Dibah? You sick? Are you alone now? O Allah, Dibah, dong replied don't just shut up. Are you doing okay?" jihan asked in a panic.

"Sister Farzan. "

"Why him? Did he hurt you? Did he disappoint you? Say, Adibah? What's up?"

"Not Brother Farzan did it, but Dibah, Ji. It's the one who did all that. Dibah who hurt his heart, Dibah who disappointed him. "again I sobbed. Ah no, daritadi I've been sobbing.

"meaning? Try to tell me in detail. I swear to God, I don't understand what you're saying? Did you make Brother Farzan angry? "

"More than that. He was returned with Fauz-"

"WHAT?? " I haven't had the time to finish my sentence but Jihan has already cut it off quickly. "Adibah, I told you that you are now the responsibility of Farzan. Can't you forget how you feel about Fauzi? The one you should love is Farzan, not Fauzi! Love or not you should be able to put him in your heart, Dibah! " Jihat sounded frustrated with my problem.

"But Dibah has no feelings for him, Jihan. "

"When you first saw Fauzi were you instantly in love? No. kan. So even with Brother Farzan, you have to familiarize yourself with his presence. "he said loudly. At first he talked to me in whispers. "Remember, Adibah. Regrets are always at the end. You'll only regret it when he's completely lost your life. And now I'm sure you must be sorry for doing this. "

"No, now Dibah just feels guilty. He -"

"please, Adibah, don't be selfish! I know how you are, you're sorry for sure now. You can't hide your problems to me. Adibah, I'm sure Farzan's brother loves you but you just don't feel it. "

"Give me that feeling, Ji. Even when we had a fight, he was crying. But, he also yelled at me, Ji. He said that he regretted marrying a man whose heart went nowhere" I sobbed.

"He deserved to do that, Dibah. Have you ever not loved him with all your heart, meaning to love Fauzi? No. kan. Whose heart are you now to? To Fauzi is not to Farzan's brother. You once said he was nice to you, he must always make you smile right? Adibah, you are now walking in the wrong place right now. Change your path now, Dibah. "

It felt like my heart was slashed to hear Jihan's explanation.

"He's not nice, he's talking rudely to Dibah. "

"It's your own fault, Adibah. Is there a husband who can see his wife delivered home by another man and worse his wife loves the man. Just imagine, when you were in the position of Farzan. When your loved one loves someone, how do you feel? I'm sure you'll be like Brother Farzan."

"But Dibah was never dear to Brother Farzan. This relationship exists because of a will from the father, Ji. Dad asked this to the doctor. Not Adibah. Even Adibah did not know the same brother Farzan before."

"Well, are you stupid or pretending to be stupid now? O Allah. Already yes, I am emotional if you keep this up. You're selfish, you don't know how Farzan feels about you." Jihan turned off her phone unilaterally. He must be very angry at me.

I wiped the rough tears that ran down my cheeks. I feel like my head is dizzy now.

Suddenly the memory of my memory, remembering the togetherness with brother Farzan, accidentally a smile etched on my face perfectly accompanied by tears that glided freely. 'Do I feel regret now?'

●●●●●_●

It has been a day since our quarrel, Brother Farzan has not come too. I don't know where Farzan's been, he's never called me, I've even tried to contact him but there's no answer, he didn't take my call or reply to the message I sent.

I dropped my ass on the couch and looked around looking so quiet. Why do I miss Farzan all of a sudden? Why I just regretted this. I regret this because I no longer see Farzan's smile, regret for no longer seeing Farzan's awkward face, I regret everything, O God. Maybe I love him now.

Oh God, I hate this situation, where I'm fighting with a guy who always makes me smile.

I always wait for the door on my right to be knocked and display the whereabouts of Farzan's brother there, hoping that he will come and everything will be back to normal, Farzan no longer goes and I will always be there for him. And we're happy forever.

Unable to stand it, I got up from my seat and set foot toward the room where Farzan was. My tears fell back. I smell a typical bauh kak Farzan here. Why do I feel like I miss him so much. God, please wake me up if this is all a dream, so that when I wake up everything will be back to normal.

My lashes suddenly goosebumps considering when our quarrel occurred. Remembering how bad I am to my husband. Remembering how angry Farzan was at me. Remember how stupid I was at the time. Why do I regret this, God?

Farzan's bedroom door suddenly opened, I looked up to see him. And

Platkk!!!

One hard slap landed on my right cheek. "Aqilahs? "

"You're so bad, Dibah! " snap Aqilah. "You know, I just saw this time I'm crying just because of a woman like you. If indeed you do not have the slightest feeling to Akah why did you marry him? Why did you accept the wedding at that time? Did I tell you, did you agree to marry me or not? But what, you say I agree, very cunning you, Adibah! Are you satisfied now to cry like now? You're terrific. You are so clever to be a girl

"The fool is very holy. But right, don't ever judge people by their cover." Aquilah gripped my hand. My hand felt very sore in his hold, even my hand that had been injured yesterday became very painful, but I could bear it.

Breath Aqilah. Staring at me sharply. Those who I think are very good are now transformed into very creepy monsters. It's all my fault, I'm wrong here.

My tears are flowing again. "Sorry, Aqilah. "

"What's? Pardon you? I've told you that my anger is unusual! You know, I've never seen me cry before. But why just because of a woman like you." Aquilah. "Snake must cry! And you know, I don't know where I am right now! "

My feet feel numb. I fell down. You are evil Adibah! You're evil! Am I the most corrupt human being now? How many sins does Farzan have to bear for my mistakes? How stupid I used to be!

My mouth is shaking. "Where is Farzan?"

"What do you care! This is what you want to be broken? You want me to leave because you don't love her. You're successful now, Dibah! You're terrific. You're the greatest actor I've ever known in the real world. You are very clever at deceiving," said Aqilah who also sobbed.

"Give me regret, Qilah. Dibahakan don't mean like this. Fauzi just wants to take Dibah to the market. That's it, nothing more." I said still withholding the pain of my hand.

"And to say he loves you? It's great! " Aqilah took her hand from my hand. Alhamdulillahot.

"Where does Qilah know? "

"You know, yesterday I saw the romantic scene, I was near me but I just left when I heard the dirty words from the mouth of the bastard. "

"Stop! It's not Fauzi's fault, it's Dibah. It's the one who confirmed Fauzi's words."

Aqilah laughed so loudly. "Look how angry it is now. "

Suddenly Farzan came. Since when did he get there. "Why are you here, Aqilah? " asked Kak Farzan, his tone so softly different when talking to me.

I touched my chest, felt a heartbeat so fast, he did his habit again.

Farzan looked at me, still like yesterday.

"Where have you been? I'm looking to mom's house, I'm not there, I'm going to Esa's house, I'm not there either." Brother Farzan hugged his little sister's body while rubbing her gently. I see there's love there. If only I were in Aqilah's current position.

"Sister Far-" I have not yet finished saying, Brother Farzan has gone to bring Aqilah to leave me. I'm back alone.

Is that how he hates me? Just looking at me still with her nanar. What can I say now that I am feeling great regret.

I'll try to forget about Fauzi, not forget about him but sort of take the flavor out between me and him. And try to love Brother Farzan completely. I'm tormented in this position. I felt sorry when it was too late.

Aqibah said, Brother Farzan will only be destroyed when he sees the greatest regret in us. I'll do that. But wait, isn't it now that I've regretted even terribly sorry? Maybe the punishment I received was not appropriate for the sins I committed.

To Brother Farzan. Dibah, will try to love Brother Farzan. It is hoped that Brother Farzan will no longer be angry at Dibah. Been sorry, Brother Farzan. Truly, Dibah will try to love Brother Farzan.

There are times when man feels his world has stopped spinning, his time has stopped moving and his heart has stopped beating not because god took his life but because God took his reason to breathe.

Brother Farzan, Dibah sure someday there will be love between us. There will be a time when Brother Farzan will hear the words of love from the mouth of Dibah. Maybe not now but later after everything is back to normal.

To Brother Farzan. Help Dibah, to do this, that is to have feelings of love for Brother Farzan, as Farzan wanted.

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"You know what hurts the most than being betrayed? Is in love by yourself. "