Dear Imamku
Acting

Just hug me once, maybe tomorrow things will change.

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     After the funeral, I went back to Adibah. He had not regained consciousness after he fainted. Even seeing our son for the last time he couldn't.

     His body is weak. The sound of the bed side monitor seems to be a bed carrier for himself. How can two things happen at the same time?

    Believe me, a man's depression is more painful.

     God really tested himself.

     Yes Rabb. Don't make yourself look weak, I'm ashamed that just because of my problems I become complaining a lot. No one knows better than You, Lord.

     "Son, eat first yuk. I noticed, I've never eaten all day." Aqilah's voice sounded raucous.

     I turned. He used scrub clothes to get in.

     "Outside umi already bring rice akak and Akak's favorite carrot soup," he continued.

     I just kept quiet. It was just a smile that I could show him as if he had just comforted me.

     Maybe Aqilah felt sorry for me, she hugged me. I'm not a God who doesn't like pity under any circumstances. For the time being, my circumstances do require pity from them.

     "I'm not in Akak's position. But who understands Akak's suffering except me? I'm a mother and a parent, I know how sad it is when we lose a child, I know how when we expect something good, bad things happen. " Aqilah strengthened her embrace.

     "People say every dream can be realized, maybe they forget that every dream there is a nightmare that will happen." he continued.

     His voice is getting louder. I know she must be crying. Aqilah is indeed easy to cry just like Adibah.

     "You've got a child, why is it still this crybaby? " i said as I rubbed the tears on his face.

     "Don't you know there's no creature as great as a woman?" Sit beside me. "There was once a man asking a woman 'she said giving birth was sick huh? Are you not afraid of giving birth?' " He started telling stories.

     "The woman replied, 'I'm more afraid that I can't give birth.' Why do women answer like that? She knew the pain of giving birth. Only one answer. They don't know what it's like to suddenly go away after seeing and hearing the child we bear was born safely" he continued.

     I just kept quiet. I am not excited to talk much right now.

     "Son, let's eat first. Adibah will definitely not like it if Akak like this too. " Aqilah continues to advise me.

    "Son, no prayers yet, right? I just kept eating. The call of God is more important, lo. "

     The Word of God ta'ala

     O my people, the life of this world is only a pleasure (temporary) and indeed the Hereafter is an eternal land. (QS. al-Mu'min :30)

      Maybe, for now, I need to talk a lot with him. Who knows better about life than God? He who gives the test, one day will disappear the test anyway, I am very sure.

     I left Adibah's room after saying goodbye to Aqilah to go to the musollah next to the room. Here there is only me, salat isya already from earlier. Forgive me, O Allah, for delaying prayer.

     My lips quivered as I read the opening surah, Al Fatiha. It felt like I was no longer in my original position, as if I was carried away with the verses that came out on my lips.

      Every soul must feel death. QS. Ali Imran: 185)

     On my last bow, I began to ask Him a lot. It poured out everything that couldn't get out of my lips. I learned not to complain, but to try to stay strong under any circumstances.

     The closest thing between a servant and his Lord is when he prostrates, then multiply the prayer. (CHR. Muslim no. 482, from Abu Hurairah)

     After salat. I went straight to Adibah's room. I don't know why I suddenly worried like this, even though he was the enemy I did not spend a long time there. Or is it just a feeling? Hope so.

     The shadow of my son's face flashed again. God loves you more son, wait for father and mother in heaven, God willing we will meet someday.

     My steps are gradually increasing. Adibah and alhamarhuma filled my thinking. Until my feet tripped when I wanted to enter the Adibah room.

     Allah Akbar. It turned out that it was just my feelings, even Adibah had realized from her stupor, she smiled looking at me. He was so good at pretending I couldn't even find a single slit of sadness that seemed on his face. Am I the only one who doesn't see it?

      "Farzan come eat here." Umi called me. They wanted to eat while telling a story, not knowing what they were talking about.

      "Yes. Come on, Brother Farzan." Adibah. He patted the empty space telling me to immediately sit next to him.

     "According, are you okay? " I asked when I was sitting near Adibah. "Have you eaten? Does your stomach still hurt? You just eat first. A-" Adibah put her index finger on my lips, telling me to stop talking.

     "Sister Farzan is very chatty. " I know he's pretending to be angry right now. I just smiled stiffly. "Eat first continue to ask questions later after being full. "

     "Eh. Don't eat first, " said Jihan suddenly. He stood behind Adibah. He's starting to get a little chatty now.

     Everyone stared at Jihan with some questions. I am too.

     "Say father. If you want to go home, no one can eat anymore. So before Farzan eats, I want to go home first. " Everyone laughed a sigh of relief. I guess what's up.

     "Why go home too soon, son? " ask umi.

     Not fast now it's ten o'clock, a little early in the morning at 11 in fact.

     "Abdul called me, he wants to go home. He was guarding here."

     "Why didn't Abdul come here? "

     "I have not asked if the hospital was Adibah because it was panicked too, if you know for sure will come here. Yeah, I called him d-"

     "No need. He must be exhausted from work. You come here again tomorrow. The clock has passed instead" suggested Umi.

     Jihan smiled in response. "Yes already. I went home first Adibah," he said, hugging Adibah's body slowly. Then switch to kiss umi's hand. "Umi I go home first, "he continued.

     "Be careful, son. " Umi kissed Jihan again.

     "Sister Farzan, I'll go home first. Assalamualaikum says. " I only replied with a thin smile then answered his greetings.

     About twenty minutes Jihan came home, Umi also came home, Abi came to pick her up. The clock ended.

     It's just me and Adibah. We talked a lot, as if nothing had ever happened. I was so surprised by him, how could he still act like this when we were just grieving? I tried asking to dispel this curiosity.

     "You why Adibah? " At last this word made it out with a ball of air from my mouth.

     He looked at me in wonder, as if he did not understand where my question was going.

    "We have just grieved" Adibah again covered my mouth with her hands.

    "Losing has become a reality" he said.

    "Yes. "

    "Maybe Brother Farzan thought I was not grieving for the passing of our son, but in fact I felt so lost that even now my soul had separated itself from the body. But maybe God has strengthened this, let alone to cry hysterically only to be sad to let out tears I can no longer.

     "Know why? God has shed tears in my life. Look, give wounds but not with tears. I was crying but I don't know what to do, I want to cry and laugh at the same time.

     "God has strengthened this self. Farzan probably knew that even when I was born, God took someone into my life. Then when I stepped on dozens of years God again took my father. I don't know where the other family members are. At that time I thought I would be completely alone after my father's departure but no, you finally came and managed to change my life.

     "I don't think I'm going to go back to feeling lost, but no, God is testing me more and more, right now it's not just me but you. We have lost two of our hearts. " Adibah's gaze was blankly staring at the hospital wall.

    "God will not take something without the intention of replacing it with something much better. " I kissed her forehead, which started to sweat, but the air was cold tonight. "Sister Farzan. "

      "Yes. " I'm replying.

     "Hug me just once maybe tomorrow things will change. "

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     Thank God, this chapter has finally finished as well, hehehe. I want to ask you, your comments after reading this whole story. Pliss your comments are precious to my mood. Promise, after the update as soon as possible, as long as there are comments.

ALSO, DO NOT FORGET TO VOTE, COMMENT, FOLLOW AND SHARE YAH 💜

Jazakumullah khayran katsir 💜

SORRY THERE IS RARELY TIME TO WRITE BECAUSE BUSY DAYTIME WORK NIGHT:)