Dear Imamku
Aziziah?

"There is nothing more exhausting than pretending to be stoic when you feel tight, pretending to be happy when you are in immeasurable pain, pretending to be indifferent when so longing and pretending to be okay when injured.”

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     Arriving in class. I saw Jihan who was already smiling at me, she was so good I was sure she would want to tell me something else in her life. Thankfully, everyone hasn't come, it's just me and Jihan.

     “What's up? “ my question to Jihan to the point.

     I've been very understanding with Jihan, the girl who can't hide the problem from me.

     “Sit here first,” he said as he patted the chair beside him.

     As requested I walked towards the place that Jihan had told me to.

     Jihan brought her chair a few inches from my place. “Thanks, dad and mom want to match me, “ he said flat. I told you he must have a problem.

     When I heard it I don't know what I felt I was in the position of Jihan, the difference is she will marry in front of her father and mother while I? Without me telling you, you'd know how my marriage went.

     “It feels like at the moment I want to cry Dibah.” Jihan lowered her head.

     I tightly embraced Jihan's body. “That you know how you feel right now. Dibah also never felt what Jihan felt, Dibah knows what it's like to marry someone we don't love,” I said almost sobbed.

     Jihan took her body away from me. “What do you mean? “ Look at me until I've slipped.

     Ah let it be, besides Jihan never hid her problem from me either so why would I hide it from her. Even I've been friends for nearly twelve years with him, there's nothing to hide now.

     “Ji, actually I am married, “ I said while whispering.

     Don't ask how Jihan's face is right now, she's so shocked to hear my words that even her eyes almost fell out of place. It is very difficult to describe her situation now.

     “You lied to me, didn't you? “ ask Jihan not believe. Tell him, I sometimes do not believe in my status now. “You lied, right? “ askanya back.

     I'm silent. I knew he would be disappointed this was the first time I hid something from him when he always told me the problem.

     “Serious, it's all because of Dad, Ji. The father who told the doctor to get married was married. Before the chicken died, the father had given a will to the doctor to marry Adibah. We're the same now Jihan, we're gonna marry someone we don't love. Understand how you feel now. God has a good plot for us.” I took a deep breath and then exhaled again.

     “Why not tell me first? Why even keep this a secret? You don't trust me? “

     “You know that I hate to share sadness the most. Look now, I'm married to the doctor. He was also kind to me, he never got mad at me,” I said with sadness. “Thank you hope there will be love between us, Dibah and sir doctor.”

     Jihan hugged me rubbing my back gently. “I understand what you feel Dibah. God knows we can get through this. You know Dibah,” she took her hug off my body.” There is nothing more tiring than pretending to be stoic when feeling tight, pretending to be happy when in immeasurable pain, pretending to be indifferent when so longed and pretending to be okay when injured.”

     He's my best friend. Only I regretted hiding this from him, he always felt what I felt, as if we were both created to feel each other, as if we both already had a very close inner bond.

     “That he doesn't know if he loves Dibah or not, Dibah doesn't know if he has feelings for Dibah or not. We are married, even our conversation feels very close. Was told he married Dibah only out of pity to Dibah. “

     “Don't think like that just yet. You have to be sure he loves you,” he said. “Wait, do you already have feelings for him? That means to the doctor. Try to love him.  How can there be love if the two do not have that feeling. Love him, do not remember the one who hurt your heart, if he foolishly leaves you, you must also intelligently forget him. Hope you will be united not only in this world but also in the end. “

     “I always try to Ji, but really it's very difficult, everything is not as easy as imagined. There is a loss we are very close and there is a loss also everything feels very awkward. “

     Jihan looked at me softly. Until he focused into my left hand then grabbed it, “This is why? “

     “You know that I am not good at cooking. Yesterday I wanted to cook water and accidentally spilled here. “ I pointed at my hand earlier.

     “Always, you're this chatty Dibah. Look at your hands until it's bruised like this. If it can't not be done, even pretentious to know. If cooking does not have to move a lot just wait for the cuisine until it so do not need to be experienced like that. “

     “Dear jihan, if Dibah is not cooked how Dibah eat? “

     “Kan can contact me to your home. Where is the doctor? He didn't help you?” ask Jihan. Seen from his face if he's worried.

     “She is going to Jakarta.”

     “What did he do there? Look at your hand like this. “ She took something from her bag. Ah Jihan, she never forgets that P3K. He had always wanted to be a doctor.

     “Name as a doctor, must be busy. The job of a doctor is not as easy as we imagine, he is also busy. Understand it all.”

     “Yaudah pain resistant.” He applied the cream to my bruised skin.

     Aawwh!

      “Sabar napa's. The pain is just a jerk.” I feel like a kid who's about to be injected. “But wait, name.“ Jihan brought her lips closer to my right ear, “Whose husband are you? “ he continued withholding laughter.

     A moment later I brought my lips closer to Jihan's left ear. “Kak Farzan's. “

     Jihan said, this is her habit. “Sister Farzan who ever came here?  That handsome one? Which was the trendy topic of that time? Masha Allah is very lucky that you are being turned away. “

     I shrugged my shoulders not knowing. “At that time I was going to sleep because of soy sauce so I don't know who came that time, how the person, who he is, and more.“

     “The photo is on your phone no? “ the question I answered nodded. “Mana? “

     I took the phone in my pocket and then looked for a photo of my bride and sister Farzan, fortunately when taking a wedding photo, Aqilah put on my phone. Coincidentally, at that time, Mr. Farzan had not hired a photographer, he said later if he had the recipe. “This,” I said after finding the photo I was looking for earlier.

     And Jihan came back doing her usual, moaning. If the pimpong ball thrown towards his lips may fit to go in there. “Yes Allah is Reformed, right. This is the handsome brother Dibah. O Allah you are very lucky, no one who did not expect to be married to Farzan could even marry him. If only that time I knew, I would not dream to marry Brother Farzan so I could marry him at the end like you are now,” he said ended with laughter.

      I laughed with Jihan. He is like this, has a great sense of humor.

     When we were busy talking suddenly Ahmad Fauzi came to us both. Why is he here? You annoying human! I want to be mad at him, hopefully.

     “Halo. “ a message to me and Jihan.

     We both kept quiet. Wait, why is Jihan also silent? Well, Dibah, you know how Jihan is, she's like your twin sister who understands all your problems.

     “Adibah, hello. “ Fauzi flicked both of his hands in front of my face.

     I smile. I swear, why is it so hard to stay away from her? Why am I like this?

    “How are you doing? “ ask Fauzi.

     “Fauzi can I ask? how's Ainun doing? Is she okay? Is your relationship deteriorating so much that you come here again? Do you think we're both mama dede who can solve the problem?” There was an annoyed tone from the words of Jihan.

     What am I doing now? I shut up, I can't get mad at Fauzi! Damn why this is all happening to me! You should have tried to avoid him, Adibah!

     “I am not dating Ainun. “ he said which really makes me very happy for sure. Very cheap of me. “Me and him are just friends, nothing more. I have no special feelings for Ainun. Really Dibah.” He said, taking both my hands.

     Jihan who saw me instantly kept Fauzi's hand away from mine. “Jaga distance can be right? Don't hold hands like this!”

     Fauzi looked at Jihan annoyed. “Judah Adibah. Go home with me yes. Later I pick up,” he said then ran away to go out of class. Must be truant again!

     “Heyy! I can't Fauzi,” I shouted as Fauzi's body disappeared from my sight, you idiot! Why did I get so stiff when I was with him.

    My body suddenly faced towards Jihan standing up. “Brought. You are now the responsibility of Farzan. Can't you forget how you feel about Fauzi? The one you should love is Farzan, not Fauzi! Love or not you should be able to put him in your heart!”

     “I've tried Ji, but still can't. I don't have the slightest feeling for Kak Farzan. Feelings cannot be forced, right? “

     Jihan took a deep breath. “You were wrongly Discussed. Sometimes by force it is that much changes.”

      I smile. “You're already going to try to make love to the doctor," I said finally giving up. My words are not really real. It's not that I don't want to try but this is the reality, I can't love Farzan now.

     “Na, this is my new best friend, “ he said while hugging me. “I envy you same Dibah. “ he said as he loosened his embrace.

     “Make what?”

     “You are married to the doctor.” Look at him laughing again. This one kid.

     The happiest moment is, when you have a friend who understands our joys and sorrows, he who wants to hear our grievances, he is able to make us forget the problems that exist, and certainly can bring us closer to Him.

     Dear God, set me on the path that you desire. And may I love the doctor, with true love, without exceeding my love for You.

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     “Sabar napa, we stay in school soon, later will miss me lo.” Said the one who kept his feet. “We will go to the bank first to withdraw money, Dibah deh tractir. “

     Jihan smiled. “Alhamdulillah, can treat again,” said Jihan with a laugh.

     The two of them continued their steps that had stopped earlier.

     Suddenly Adibah thought of Fauzi's words. To his knowledge, Fauzi always kept what he said. While Adibah himself, he himself had been stubbornly thinking about this. There was something stuck in his brain, I don't know what it was.

     A tit! A tit!

     Jihan picked up her phone that just rang it. “Mr! “ he said before sticking the phone on his cheek. “Assalamualaikum? “

     “Waalaikumsalam. You where? Mr. from earlier waiting for you in front of this school,“ asked Mr. Jihan who had been waiting for him in front of his school.

     “Hah! I thought you were going out of town? Yes, I went there, sir. “

     “Yes, tomorrow the new father leaves. Yaudah you wait here. Assalamualaikum.”

     “Waalaikumsalam, “ said Jihan, then put the phone in her pocket. “Adibah, sorry yes. I have to go home first. “ he said in a sluggish tone.

     “Why? “

     “Mr didn't get out of town today. Sorry yeah. “

     Adibah smiled while nodding. How else, he can't also forbid Jihan to come home with his father. Like adibah, Jihan also loves her father the difference, Jihan still has a full family, meaning to have both parents. And Adibah is no longer.

     “Yaudah I went home first well,” said Jihan after kissing a glimpse of Adibah's cheek. Adibah always get a short kiss like that from Jihan. The beginning of Jihan kissed Adibah during Junior High when Adibah wanted to feel a kiss from her mother.

     “Wassalamualaikum,” greetings Adibah to Jihan who already wants to stay away from him.

     “Walaikumsalam,” screams Jihan while running small.

     Adibah looked at Jihan's back which had moved away until it was no longer visible. He came back alone, almost as if he wanted to go back to his apartment but someone was now blocking his way.

     Adibah. “Fauzi? “ he said a nod by Fauzi.

     “I'll drive home? “

     “Ah. Don't go to the market first. It is not good if you go to the market, your school uniform can be dirty. “ Adibah moves away from Fauzi, and once again Fauzi again blocks the path of Adibah.

     “It's okay. I am used to the market. “

     Ah shit! Batin Adibah's. “Give, long time to market. You can't wait long.”

     “For you, I can. “ Fauzi smilingly staring at Adibah. This time the plan will fail.

     A moment later Adibah was silent. I don't know what the reason is for Fauzi not coming. Fauzi is a man who does not give up easily, just look now.

     “Yaudah, Dibah want. But if in the market later long, do not blame Dibah yah blame yourself,” said Adibah finally relented.

     Fauzi smiled triumphantly. Obviously he can be back with Adibah like before. He misses his best friend this one very much, as long as Adibah's father is sick to death, they are never together again.

     Actually Fauzi already knew where Adibah lived, only he wanted Adibah to tell him directly. Even Fauzi had seen Adibah alone with the man who had come to his school, but he had forgotten who the man was. Perhaps the forgetful nature of Adibah can be contagious with anyone close to it.

     During the trip on the motorbike they talked about the tree house which he said had been very messy as long as Adibah was not there, while Fauzi only occasionally went there, the tree house.

     “Continue how Difa is? “ Difa is the name of the sunflower they planted early into the tree house. Difa briefly name them both, Dibah and Fauzi.

     “Difa I've moved home since uncle Halik got sick and you've never been there again. Pity the problem if there continue, it could-can Difa starve to death.“ Fauzi chuckles. “Dibah, hold napa, you want to fall if the road is bad? “

     Without resisting, Adibah directly hugged Fauzi's waist gently. They were actually not too close, Adibah only touched Fauzi's waist half his hands, not to close his body.

     If you go to school, Adibah only wears an instant hijab. Unlike when at home, she usually wears a headscarf that can be up to the thigh.

     “Then Dibah, suddenly missed dad,” said Adibah.

     “If there's time for both of us to uncle's funeral huh? “ bargain Fauzi who directly can Adibah approval. “In sha Allah. “

     “Until the market later you want to come shopping or want to wait?” ask Adibah when the market they want to reach is almost there.

     “I want to come, let someone take care of you later. All of you help lift your groceries,” he said while chuckling, “Btw who told you to market who is it? Just today you shop, usually never to the market.”

     “That is not the same father anymore, so inevitably Dibah must be able to live independently in the house of uncle Dibah, what else uncle Dibah rarely stay at home, so, he works out of town. And uncle is also good because he wants to accept Dibah stay in his house for free. “ Clear Adibah.

     “Well down,” said Fauzi after arriving in front of the market. “You bought what we? “ said as if he was on an adventure with Dora.

     “Usually if mothers to the market buy anything huh? This is the first time it was turned into the market so it is still a bit not understood. “

     “Usually fish, tofu, tempeh, vegetables, rice... And turmeric,” said Fauzi mentioned all that he could buy when his mother went to the market.

     “Yaudah, we buy now.” Adibah passed away with Fauzi.

     The two of them surrounded the market to buy the staple equipment that he thought needed to be bought. If you need to be honest, Adibah is very happy now, how could he go back to meet and joke with his best friend and his first love, ah shit! It's true that the hardest thing to forget is first love, look at Adibah now, she doesn't even care about the thing yesterday that made her cry.

     “Ac there? “ call Fauzi keep going.

     “Hem?”

     “If you can know what type of guy you like? “

     He was silent and then smiled. “I want to have a man who really wants to have me.”

     Fauzi silently looked at Adibah who was still continuing her serious steps. “Emang exists? “

     “Ihh Fauzi! “ Adibah was upset that Fauzi was always like this when he was seriously talking, he was joking. So obnoxious. Batin Adibah's.

     Fauzi chuckles. “ Sorry. Sorry,” he said in a laugh. “But Adibah know not, yesterday I dream chased ghost lo. “

     “What does it have to do with Adibah,” Adibah replied judes. Adibah is still upset at Fauzi.

     “I'm seriously Dibah, to the point that yes I was last night a remembrance, deg-degan. But my hope is one for later tonight. “

     Adibah looked at Fauzi. “What indeed? “

     “Hopefully tonight I dream of chasing that ghost, let my revenge be avenged. “

     Adibah chuckles with Fauzi. They may not be shopping today if this continues.

     “Astagfirullah. It's just you, Fauzi. “ Adibah chuckles again.

     “Adibah, “ call Fauzi a moment.

     “Why again? “

     “You know? Why does everything I meet with you mean so much? It may be simple, but I love you for who you are, and that's why I want to be with you."

     He looked at Fauzi fixedly, is this real? Is Fauzi joking again? ‘Do not baper first Adibah' her inner.

    “Apaan anyway! “

     Fauzi realized what he had just said. He does love Adibah and wants to say this after the end but unfortunately, his lips can not be compromised, always want to express what he really feels now.

     “Yaudah we continue yuk. If this is when to buy it. “

    Everything was as it was, as if Adibah had not been bound by this relationship, the marriage of Adibah and Farzan.

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