Dear Imamku
Interested

بسم الله الرحمن الر حيم

“True men are men who directly face your parents to ask permission to have you completely. “

"Call you is okay. Or call abi is fine. “

●●●●●_●

    At break time I can only stay in class and not out of snacks, how would I like to snack if money alone is not there. Farzan didn't give me any money. Want to ask, phone number alone I do not know, hopefully the stock of food in the refrigerator is enough for kak Farzan out of town, otherwise I could starve to death in that apartment.

     Usually when it's a break, otherwise I always go to the library but this time I don't, I want to let myself in this class, I want to, it was the two with Jihan Ningrum Faradillah who knew almost the whole matter of my life, it is not that I do not trust God to empathize even I always pray but only because he is human after the father of a long time I accompanied vent.

     We both told my story. When my father hadn't died, before Farzan came into my life and when I liked my classmates, he was Ahmad Fauzi the man who could

comforting me and knowing so much about me.

     “When you don't come Fauzi, he's like a fool, keep quiet, occasionally ask about you, how you are, where you live and more. “ he said in a somewhat whispering voice. If you don't whisper, someone will hear you.

     I think I was thrown up deep into the sky. I always keep my distance and dislike other people but to Fauzi it feels like I can't do that, he's like the second father of my life. Can I die this one sin? It's very difficult.

     “She even skips a lot when you don't come. You know what purpose he missed for? He wants to find you, he said. And I'm sure in a matter of seconds he will come and bring something for you. “ whispered back. It feels like we have done an impromptu repetition, whispering to each other to find answers.

Ten

Crop

Eight

Seven

....One

     My hope was that he would come as Jihan said, but unfortunately the hope is not in reality, Fauzi still does not exist. I remained silent until warm hands were attached to my eyes. Wh who?

     “Who hayo??? “ without even asking I would have known who he was. True to what Jihan said, Fauzi is really coming.

     He took his hand off my face. “You report? “ asked while giving me a bag of snacks.  “So I bought this because I happened to see there was a stressed girl in class who was starving. “

      I stared cynically at Fauzi, he does have a hobby like this making something I can remember.

     “How are you doing? “

     “Yes Allah, is the person in front of me crazy? He had seen Adibah in front of him doing well but he still asked,” Jihan said as she shook her head.

     “I think he was lost when God shared his mind with humans. “ I said ended the laughter of the three of us.

     “Iya Dibah, I was suddenly crazy near you. “ he said in a teasing tone.

     I smiled, I felt like I was flying between the stars now. What cheapness is reflected in me? I suppose. Was I wrong to love Fauzi when I married someone else? This fool is so obvious you're wrongly Discussed! But can I forget him quickly? No, forgetting isn't as easy as it says.

     “Hey why silence? “ He surprised me.”You know why the cinema if the movie starts the lights are dead? “ asked a moment later.

     “Clearly that is the rule, your base is Fauzi.” I chuckle with Jihan.

     “Not because of that. But because the ticket price you pay does not include the electricity budget of the lamp. “ he said flatly.

     Me and Jihan laughed out loud, this kind of laughter that people rarely see. If you say I'm a hypocritical woman, you're absolutely right. Long hijab, jaim to those who just know me and many more, without realizing I have covered my hypocrisy.

     “Why not eat the food? I'm tired of buying but not eating. Appreciate my effort. “ he said start opening the bread then extend the bread to me. “Eat yourself. “

     “Whose bribe asked? “ pissed. Human beings who have a very high level of confidence.

     “Who knows. “ gods. But I wasn't completely tempted.

     “It is impossible to know! “ said I was pretending to be angry.

     “Let me drive home, stressed people will not? “ bargain with a seductive look. This time I can't say no. “So after that see your house to me so I can go to your house. “

     I flinched consciously. If he sees everything can be revealed and of course Fauzi will stay away from me, ah not let it happen, but wait as well as hidden carcasses will still smell, too, but at least he doesn't know now, right? At least I still hope for him, Ahmad Fauzi, a man whom I have always admired.

     My house and home are very close. Even we already have a tree house to occupy the three with dad. In front of my house, I made that. That's why I'm amazed by Fauzi, he's good at breaking dad's heart when not everyone can do what he does.

     When my father died he was not in his house, if only he did not leave the city at that time maybe now I have lived in his house, astagfirullah why I think of this!

     To You, God Azza Wajalla, I have given everything to You somehow in the future of my life.

     “Hey women stress. Silence means to? “

     “Ahh! No, not just yet. “

     “Why? “ asked while looking at me weirdly.

    “Anu, uhh. I live with my uncle, so Dibah can't bring a man home. “ I hope he believes my words this time.

     “Meanway? Did you ever tell me that family is just your father in this world? “

     You idiot! Why did I forget about this, instead of Fauzi the person who knew the most about my life after my father. And now what do I have to do? You're trapped now Adibah.

     “Halo. “ he flicked his hand in front of my face.

     “Eh. He's an uncle. Eh uncle from my mother who just came, well just came from Makassar, Dibah new also know him after uncle came home when father died.” I'm sorry Fauzi, I have to lie this time, believe me one day you'll know everything.

     He sniffed, lazily he walked away from me. He must be disappointed, sorry this time I had to be selfish Fauzi. Rest assured I am disappointed at the moment, disappointed in myself.

●●●●●_●

     “Hadija, be careful on the road. “ Jihan waved as the angkot I passed started to move away. About the cost of the freight I had to borrow to Jihan, on the grounds of forgetting money. Today my life is full of lies.

     I returned a wave of hands from Jihan until her body began to be invisible again. Is Fauzi still mad at me? Ah, if you knew Fauzi your stressed woman didn't intend to let you down in the least, believe me.

     Wait, I forgot where the doctor's apartment was, ah, God, until when this forgetful nature disappeared from me. Where am I supposed to go now? And the doctor's number wasn't in my contact either. End your history Adibah, this time you will sleep by the roadside and hope for the mercy of passers-by to eat you.

     “Down where neng? “ ask the angkot driver.

     “Bang apartment here how many are there?”

     “I know there's only one, and even then only a lot of money people can live there. “

     Thank God for your guidance this time. “Yaudah take me there ya bang. “

     “Oke neng.”

     Teg teg teg teg teg teg teg teg teg teg teg teg teg teg teg teg

     I looked at my phone screen that read Jihan's name. “Assalamualaikum, what's wrong Jihan? “ my question to Jihan.

     “Have you known Ainun? “ tanyanya.

     “Ainun class IIS three that? Why is he? “

    “My intention is not to let you down or to get heartbroken. But as a friend I have to talk this over to you Dibah.” I he digested the meaning of this Jihan. “Fauzi made with Ainun. “

     I smiled, obviously a smile full of lies. “Good then. “

     “Thanks, I know you are disappointed.”

   “Neither Jih. Dibahah mediocre really, Dibah knows in this world is not always the desire goes smoothly not all love must be avenged. Being told what to do now, if the matter of disappointment is very disappointed even, he showed his sweetness in front of me as if I was the lucky woman for having it, and now Dibah does not know what to do now.“

     “Propay yes Dibah. “

     “You know. The man who asked the courtship was not a real man. Ogah was invited to date. “ I'm laughing. This is how I am when it comes to feeling, I need to be able to calm myself, myself now.

     It was heard from across the street that Jihan was also laughing. My acting is successful now. “True men are men who directly face your parents to ask permission to have you completely. “

     “Eh, kok even vent yah neng.”

     “You si, yaudah I kill first yes phone, want to eat the problem. Wassalamualaikum Dibah darling.“

     “Waalaikumsalam dear. “ my words that ended the sound of Tut. Tut's. Tut from the phone.

     Help me O God to avoid this one sin, why do I feel so disappointed. Fauzi isn't who I am why do I always think of him? Argha! Why are you giving me hope that everything will be like this? Ah, it's not your fault it's my fault for wishing for you. Next time I won't want to know you again. And the doctor sir, I should have fallen in love with him instead of Fauzi.

     “Udah to neng. “ Thank God we have finally reached the real place.

     “Thank you bang. “ I said after giving money to the angkot driver.

     “Sama-sama neng.” He said then walked away from me.

     I stepped into the doctor's apartment, which was on the seventh floor. Why do I still call him doctor when I already know his name, maybe already comfortable with the name of doctor rather than his name, after all he is not angry.

     Suddenly my thoughts about Fauzi came back to me, why is he that bad? My tears just flow, you shameless! Why should I cry? Why should it be because of that guy? I hope I didn't involve this sin in my father. And doctor sir? He is now responsible for my sin now, if he had come this time, I would have missed him so much.

     Hunger took hold of me again, probably from crying for too long. Is there food now? Hopefully, at least fried noodles or foods that do not take long to cook. And sure enough when he arrived in the kitchen, there was already enough fried noodles available for more than a month, did he plan this? You see, yesterday-yes this does not exist, or does it already exist but I am very forgetful? Might as well.

     Cooking is not as easy as I thought. My hand blistered with hot water just because it accidentally touched the handle of the pot caused the water to fall. If only I wasn't alone, maybe this noodle would've been cooked.

   A few minutes of cooking noodles finally finished too, can I be full with noodles that are just this bowl? I don't think so, but let me at least treat my hunger a little.

     All my life I've only known how it feels to cook my own noodles and eat them myself, I usually eat noodles when I'm with Fauzi, arghh him again! I'm angry at kedia! And Ainun, why would she go out with Fauzi! Oh God, what am I saying right now? I also like Fauzi.

     Please tears, don't show yourself again, I'm alone now. Is my destiny like this? Why should I marry the doctor when I like the others? Why don't I just like the doctor in my life? Why must Fauzi? She's not attached to me at all, but why do I like her so easily?

     Do I now love someone more than I love Him? Do I love my world more now? Lord, give me the strength to remember You more than anyone else. Do not get too late in this sin.

     Should I forget about Fauzi now? I'll work on that.

●●●●●_●

     Suddenly my phone rang again, the difference is now that someone called back when I wanted to rest my body. Who else is this?.

     After pressing the green button then put the phone to the left of my cheek. “Assalamualaikum, who is this? “ my.

     “Walaikumsalam. This is Adibah, right? “ he said turned around asking. Wait, who is this? Why did you know my name? Or this... Why do I think of strange things.

     “Who is this? “

     “I Farzan. “ he said that was able to make me shut up for a moment. Why'd he call? Not that he also left without saying goodbye! “Adibah, forgive me yes.”

     I'm staying quiet. What's he gonna apologize for? It's free, I don't have anything for him.

     “God, do you still hear me?.”

     “Yes, Dibah still hear Mr. Doctor. “

    He was silent, was he disappointed in me? “How are you doing now?” he asked after a few minutes of silence, was he awkward? What should I be doing awkwardly now.

     “That's fine Mr. Doctor. How about you. Eh means Mr. Doctor. “ I said which ended with laughter by Kak Farzan. astagfirullah does he laugh at me now? I'm still confused as to what to call it, doctor sir, Farzan or something like that, you. I don't think I should call him you, just look at him and laugh at me.

          “Call you is fine. Or call abi is fine. “

     “That doctor sir. Shamed. “

     “What now is your cheek blushing? “ He's laughing again. You annoying man of the world!

     “Make what cheeks Dibah red,” my elak when at this time my cheeks heat up.

     “Lying to the husband is a sin. “ Husband? Why can't I accept him completely?. “Why silence? Are you asleep now? “

     “Iya. Uhh! “

     I heard it from across the street that he was laughing. Is this so funny? “What are you currently worrying about? So from now on I'm talking to myself. I suppose. “

     “No, it means Dibah want to sleep tomorrow school because."

     “Oiya I forgot, I have sent a credit card for you to use this week. Tomorrow in sha Allah Qilah will bring.”

     “Aalhamdulillah's. I did not shop at school because there was no money. Last night the meal was just instant noodles until Dibah's hands were doused in hot water. “

     “Astagfirullah, you seirus Dibah? Now how's your hand? You've flush the water shells? What's blistering now? I'll be back tomorrow. So if you can not cook do not cook it now so like this, “ ask enthusiastically.

     “Eh no, hands are not too bad just hot just a little earlier. Dibah was cooking because Dibah hungry, even a penny of money is not there, if not cooking can die of hunger here. “

     “Yaudah, I want to work first. Assalamualaikum."

     “Waalaikumsalam. “

     Why is he like this? It means too much if he wants to come here just because my hands are splashed with hot water for what try, it is still a bit sick now, hopefully tomorrow it has stopped. But wait, why does it turn purple like this? This just happened in my life, hopefully not.

     All I have in my brain right now is Fauzi and the doctor . God, why now do I tend to be more concerned with my world, now I am more likely to love his creation than the Creator? God help me to avoid this sin.

     Dad said once. Your soul is God's choice.  With whomever God has betrothed, ridhala, God knows better than us, maybe your soul mate does not match the expectations you want, but he is the way God chooses for you. Whether it be the doctor, Fauzi or something else, I leave it all to you, Rabb.

     If it's time. God has many ways of meeting. So be patient, continue to refute yourself until you become someone who according to Him is worthy to be met.

●●●●●_●

     After an hour of cleaning it all up, I was finally able to go to school with Aqilah. He came at the end of the morning prayer, brought me a credit card like the doctor said. Thank goodness I can shop for home needs for the next few days.

     I don't know how many days I've lived in this house, it feels like I've been very familiar with things in places that are here, such as places to eat and others. The apartment is not narrow even spacious for the size of the apartment I usually see.

     I came out with a look towards Aqilah who was also looking at me. “Come, “ take me to Aqilah.

     She got up from her seat with a very sweet smile in my opinion. She is indeed beautiful with both dimples plus a round face. He's not fat just the part of the face that's a bit stye.

     “So I called 'shoot last night too? “ askinya I reply nod, “talk what aja mbak last night? The new replacement must still be romantic. “

     I smiled in response. “She only panicked last night, because her hand was dibah flush with hot water. “

     Aqilah looked at my hand and then grabbed it. “This is severe mbak, just look until it changes color gini.”

     “Alhamdulillah 'do not hurt really Qil.” My words lied.

     “Continue what did I say? You know that's the guy panicking. “

     I silently heard Aqilah's words, I felt very interested in hearing them. I want to know more about him, Farzan.

     “What is the least liked by Farzan? “

     Aim him for a moment. Maybe think of the answer to my question earlier. “If I don't like betrayal. If I am angry, it is different from the others. He was considerate but did not talk, my husband had already felt the problem, when mass Esa wanted to apply I would misunderstand, he thought that mass Esa cheating. Angry is not for a moment, for at least one week, that's if you already look very sorry. But if he is very angry it is even worse, care is not and do not know how to stop his anger.”

     I nodded to the words of Aqilah. It turns out that the doctor was not ordinary either.

     “Difficult also turned out. “ I said while laughing.

     “Iya mbak, but if the matter is good, I am very good. Diligent salad. I want to tell you one story about me, but after riding in the car.“ he said

     I'm nodding. What is this, why do I want to know all about Farzan. Wait, my heart is beating like never before, ah it's just a coincidence.

     After reaching the top of the car, I sat side by side with Aqilah. He looks so nervous, why?

     “Mbak, I want to tell you everything but please do not remind me before the right time. “ he said while whispering, “Us used to live in an orphanage. “

     “Meanway? Kak Farzan once told me about abi and uminya. What happened to the orphanage? Or maybe Farzan likes to visit orphanages?”

     “Iya but I also lived there as a child. “ I frowned. I swear I do not understand the words of Aqilah. “Did it disappear at the age of two years and was found at the age of five years. “

     How shocked I was when I heard that word. Brother Farzan was missing? This is so weird. “Not knowing what else to say. “

     “Iya know not, when I was four years old my friend nge-bully akah, he said I was not as lucky as them,” said Aqilah with his typical sad tone. “But at that time with intelligence I answered with a very good answer for the child of my age ghost. “

     “Kak Farzan said what time was it? “ my.

     “Will say, I am not as lucky as you who have a whole family but you are also not as lucky as me. “

    I groaned, astonished at what Aqilah said just now. “I mean lucky how? “

     “Did he feel lucky at that time because he could feel the childhood life of the Prophet, and not everyone could feel that. “

    I was amazed to hear the little story of Farzan. “Bedanya with Dibah, that brother Farzan orphaned as a child and Dibah feel it now.” My tears just fell, I remembered my father and mother.

    Aqilah hugged me gently rubbed my back, it is true that life is like a bang, sometimes above and sometimes below.

     Dear dear I hope you can be my place to spill all my troubles through this writing.

●●●●●_●

If it's time. God has many ways of meeting. So be patient, continue to refute yourself until you become someone who according to Him is worthy to be met.*

Your soul is God's choice.  With whomever God has betrothed, ridhala, God knows better than us, maybe your soul mate does not match the expectations you want, but he is the way God chooses for you.

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