Dear Imamku
First Night

Bismillahirahmanirahim

If you feel your burdens are heavier than others, it is because God sees you as stronger than others.

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     "Assalamualaikum, Adibah! Where are you? " I started screaming when the door was open.

     Silent. The apartment is uninhabited. Am I late? Usually if Parepare to Makassar takes four hours to arrive, but I managed to get two and a half hours. And when I arrived, I didn't even get a single person here.

     Or are they already in the hospital?

     I approached the landline to contact Umi or Aqilah. But wait, who called Riska if Adibah was sick? When did Adibah contact Riska directly?

    After the call connect with umi. The answers I got made me even more dizzy.

     "How can Adibah tell her own Umi? I told you Adibah can't be alone! Especially now the state of Adibah is very possessive of me, Umi. "

     Umi was silent, a few moments after my question just got an answer. "Abi just got home and Umi has to get there, son. Continue to Aqiah also today in the trial. We've also asked Adibah for permission before."

     "Where is Adibah now? " ask me a little bit of an upset tone come out. "So my phone is in Makassar and I do not know if Adibah had contacted me or not. "

    "There was a phone call coming in. If he's taken to Sumantri's hospital. Try you to go there. Umi is also already on this road, along with your abi. Continue Aqilah also wants to go to the hospital. "

     "Yes already. I'll be there in five minutes. Umi will definitely arrive first. So Umi should contact me how Adibah is. "

     "God willing, Adibah will be fine. "Aamiin Umi, may Allah grant your words.

     I put the phone down and started running down from the apartment. The car made me even more worried. At the moment I do not think about my situation, because Adibah has made me more worried about his condition.

     My heart rate was getting more and more hunting, some of the ringworms started popping up in my temple. I almost hit the bike that was on the opposite track to me. It feels like my concentration is completely gone like this.

    "Sorry," I said to the motorist. He was clearly on the wrong track.

    The man suddenly knocked on the glass door of my car. His face looks upset. A few words came out of his mouth but I couldn't hear them from inside.

     "If driving look around sir! A car as good as this can't see motorized people, for free! " The man started screaming as I opened my car door.

     "Yes. Yes, sorry sir. I had to go to the hospital a glass, my wife gave birth," I explained.

     "Allah. Just say you want to run away from responsibility, right? "The one who should be sorry is that he's not me but him, not like this! I've been upset for a long time like this.

     "Who's wrong here? Father right? You're fighting the lane, right? How angry at me? " I'm starting to look really upset, who wouldn't be upset trying?

     "ah! Anyway, you have to compensate! Look, my bike has to anchor so. " The man pointed at his slightly abrasive motor.

     "Yes, I'll change! My wife is in the hospital! "

     "Allah. Reason. The ends must be gone! " he said in flames.

     "My car also broke down, Father! Okay here I have five hundred thousand dollars for the repair of the motorcycle Mr! I have to go to the hospital! " I gave some money to the father, then continued my journey back.

     Either this is just a plan or something. How can an accident happen in such a small place.

     My journey must be interrupted!

     I went back on my journey. My driving speed has exceeded my average driving limit. My thoughts about my son and wife made my concentration completely disappear.

     Until I got to the hospital, I kept running around looking for the delivery room. It feels like the road is getting further when from earlier it has been running.

     Right in front of the door. My breath was hunting, a few sweat hairs perched on my temples and my heart seemed to respond to everything.

     "Assalamualaikum, "i said.

     No one answered my greetings. Umi from earlier was just silent, staring at the glass that displayed Adibah so much with Aqilah. And wait, Jihan is there? Means that contact Riska is not Adibah but Jihan.

    "Umi, what's wrong? " I approached them. It was as if there was something they were hiding.

     Adibah's stomach has also shrunk. I can see it from a distance. Was my son and Adibah born prematurely? No problem, God has a plan for all of this.

     "Sir. Since when is here? " Oh, no one noticed my presence? Basic them! "Aren't you eating? Can I order some food first? I happen to want to eat this too. " Aqilah offered me. He's pretending!

     "Yes Nak. Abi is also outside," continued Umi while holding my hand.

     I smiled. "Roman, Aqilah. I went all the way from Makassar to Parepare just to meet Adibah and my son. When did I eat first? "

     "It just so happens that Adibah is sleeping first, son. You eat first. " Umi forced me back.

     I understand the Umi situation.

    "What's up Umi? " ask me to interrogate.

     "There's nothing, son. Adibah is fine too, right. "

     "You eat first, Umi will tell you. " Umi's tone of voice sounded so soft.

     "Dam. What the hell is it? " I've heard Adibah's story that Jihan has a hard time lying, if she lies her eyes everywhere.

      "Sa.. i.. not.. know Brother! " And right, Jihan's view went nowhere.

     "A miscarriage! " Aqilah finally opened it all.

    My heart seemed to be breaking when that last word sounded so steady in my ears. I lost my balance to stand up.

     God really did this to me again.

     "And the state of Adibah is also a crisis. He almost lost his blood pressure. Previously the doctor gave a choice, between the safety of his mother or his son but Umi asked that Adibah be saved! "

     Nah! My son's. They must be lying.

     Yeah Robb. This is the second time, why?!  Even I had lost my son before seeing his form firsthand.

     Families of 'Imran ('Ali 'Imran):200 - O you who believe, be patient and strengthen your patience and remain alert (on the borders of your land) and fear Allah, so that you may be lucky.

     "Why are you so stupid? Why not wait for an answer from me? Huh! "

     It was very clear when Umi was crying. Regretting his actions. Anger has made me like this.

     I hugged umi. "I'm sorry Umi. " I don't see my crying, but it feels really painful. Sad to say more deeply, that's true.

      No response from umi. But the response from his embrace was very pronounced. My world seems to be drifting with the cry of umi. Some of the delusions we had arranged were instantly shattered.

     "Where does my son Umi go? " ask me after keeping Umi's body away. "I can still see his face, right Umi? I can still carry it, right Umi? " My expectations are huge for this.

     "Son. If you feel your burdens are heavier than others, it is because God sees you as stronger than others. "

     I looked at Umi's face. I could see the faces of people who were also grieving near me. There were no tears, but swollen eyes showed that he was no less sad than me.

●_●

     I could see our little girl's body, she just fell asleep and didn't want to leave us. Sadness I cannot explain at this time, her face, dominates my face more than Adibah. Only Adibah's eyes are the same as hers.

    This room is closed, I don't see Ac, fan or wind ducts. Why is my body suddenly shivering? My hands seemed to shake for some reason.

    His eyes are still closed, he is alive. One more year he will walk with us!  We're going to the park, or to the monument of Habibie's true love and Ainun's. If you can't, yes we are in the car just enjoy the beauty of this small town.

     My daughter is certainly no less chatty with her mother, no less shy like her mother and, I can no longer afford to think about this!

    "Assalamualaikum! " One enters breaking the silence. That soft voice awakened me. Adibah looked tired of running. "Sister Farzan," call Adibah.

     After a few seconds, some people came. I know why Adibah came here.

     "Sister Farzan. Our son is born. " Acaba hugged me.

      I don't know what to do at the moment. Have they not told Adibah?

     "Sister Farzan. Why did they say our son was gone? That's our son, right? " God pointed at our baby. I just nodded. "Our son is just sleeping. He'll be up and in a minute"

      "Geez! " I snarl Adibah.

     "Our son is gone! Our son hasn't even seen this world yet but God has taken it." I looked at Umi who was just standing outside, hugging abi.

     Adibah seemed to start sobbing.

     "No! Our son has to come back" said Adibah. Soon, Adibah may run. "Suster! Doctor! Sus-" I pulled Adibah's hand, made her step stop.

     "He no longer has Adibah."Maybe my voice sounds raucous right now.

      "No, Brother Farzan. Our son is still there, I'm sure. San-"

     "Stop Adibah! You must realize that he's gone! " I tried to wake Adibah up.

    "My son can still live, right? " he said in a soft tone.

     I could only hug her, slowly her tears touched the skin of my chest. Not long after that, his body suddenly collapsed.

     I started to panic. And brought Adibah into his room. Those who were standing still started chasing me.

    There is a thick red liquid fitting in the stomach of Adibah. The blood must be due to the stitches of Adibah's cesarean section. I was speeding up, fear filled my mind.

    I don't care about the people looking at us. Do not let bad things happen with Adibah, do not let it!

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Monday 26 August