Dear Imamku
Differ

"Dear brother Farzan. Should I be Fatimah, loving in silence or, Khadijah come and say his love? May time soon answer all this."

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In the afternoon, I lay my body on this soft bed. I have not seen Farzan's whereabouts. He went with Aqilah. I'm back on my own now.

I looked at the beautiful sky. I hope Farzan is like dusk, he never linger to hide because he knows there are people who really need his beautiful light.

My tears are flowing again. I've been on my best friend for too long until I forget what it's like to be happy. I don't know what the story of my life is right now. I don't know what God promised me in the future. I know what I did to Farzan, but I'm sorry. Why doesn't he feel this? Wouldn't he forgive us if we regret what we did?

Am I so fragile right now?

"Yes Allah. Make me a strong woman. Women who are able to withstand anger with Istigfar, women who are able to remove grudges by forgiving, women who are good at giving thanks for all the favors, women who are always patient with the problems that exist."

I miss Brother Farzan. I wanted to call, wanted to talk but felt like it was annoying to do that. My phone never got picked up. Maybe my presence doesn't really matter in his life right now, he might already hate me now. Here, I learn. Loving requires a great sense of patience.

I realized that I loved you when I lost you. Now you're going, out of nowhere! I think now I am neglected. I don't know how long it's been going on, I hope tomorrow will be better, not just tomorrow if it's days, hours, minutes, data and now.

Waitaminute! I remember something.

If you miss someone read al-fatihah with hands on the chest and think to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala with the intention that he may feel our longing for him. - Al Habib Hasan B.

Hopefully, Brother Farzan feels my longing now. Feel how broken I was when he wasn't around.

Slowly my eyes began to close, my mind went nowhere. Oh God, did you intentionally make me like this? I really hate my life right now, O God.

Dear brother Farzan. Should I be Fatimah, loving in silence or, Khadijah come and say his love? May time soon answer all of this.

My eyes widened as the sound of the door rang out clearly in my ears. I quickly got out of bed, intending to check who was coming. I hope so much, Brother Farzan.

My steps came to a standstill the moment I expected to come actually. A smile on my face. "Sister Farzan? "

Farzan almost went into his room. Turned to look at me, without a word. Empty views.

"Sister Farzan want to eat? Was it masakin yah? Want what? Want a wartel vegetable that was ever made? Or just burn the wartel? Or carrot juice? Farzan likes carrots." I laughed loudly in front of him.

Instead of answering, Farzan looked at me. He scrunched his forehead. Then back to the beginning. I gulped hard. Did I speak wrong?

"Close," said Farzan trying to make his voice, then continue his steps to the room.

One word that almost made me jump around in excitement. My heart is blossoming now. I feel so full hearing it.

I ran to the kitchen to cook a meal that I thought Farzan liked. The smile on my face never goes away. I am so happy, God.

After preparing the ingredients to cook the vegetables carrots, I immediately cooked them, as I had tried before. Until the carelessness returned, I dropped the almost boiling vegetable on the floor so that some hot sprinkles of vegetable water hit my feet.

I grimaced in pain "Astagfirullah."

"You why? " sister Farzan prosper our bodies. Since when was he near me?

Brother Farzan touched my feet in pain and then got up to pick up the container and filled it with water in the shells he came back in front of me put the container and then put my right foot in there.

My lips twitched, trying to hold back my day. You are Adibah. Look, this guy in front of you, he's so considerate of you, but what? You never get that.

"If you can't cook don't be smart. " ketus kak Farzan.

"Will you if Brother Farzan eats Dibah cuisine. "

"No need. I can order ready-to-eat food, Adibah! " sternly Farzan, with his hands and eyes still focused on trying to heal the wounds on my feet.

I smile. "Sister Farzan, worried about the same Dibah? Brother Farzan is no longer angry with Dibah? Alhamdulillahot. "

"Your bruises on your feet will heal soon. Is your hobby hurting yourself? Sometimes you have weird hobbies too."

"Sister Farzan," call me.

"Hem? "

"Can you ask? "

"Don't get dumped. "

"What time is it now?" I don't care about Farzan's refusal.

"Jam 19:42."

"Can you ask again? "

"No! " reject again.

"Now what day and date? "

"On 29 november. Wh why? "

"So at 19:42 on 29 November, Adibah was in love with Farzan. "

Brother Farzan smiled stiffly. "Why is it like this Dibah? You're more of a flier, aren't you?"

I nodded while laughing. Unlike before, he laughed too. I think my problems are all gone now.

Farzan carried my body like a child and took it to the sofa to sit there. "The wound on your leg must heal quickly."

I'm nodding. He was sitting a little far away from my place. I shifted my body closer, until there was no longer any distance between us. "Sister Farzan."

"What else is it? "

Brother Farzan is silent. Just the breath I hear. Is he still angry? Slowly, I took my body away from Brother Farzan, then looked at his face bead. Find out what his anger is still.

"To say I miss myself is shameful, but this miss makes me shed tears." A speck of water fell from Farzan's eyes. "Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I don't miss you." He hugged me back.

"That's. Brother Farzan do not cry, Dibah also want to cry this."

Someone who truly loves you will not let go of you even if there are hundreds of reasons to give up he has one reason to stay.

Suddenly Farzan took something behind me. "Daily book? " he asked after reading the book cover.

I immediately grabbed the book before he read the contents of the book but he got up and pushed the diary up, although it was rather impossible that I still tried to take the book, but he got up, just stay up to his shoulder. Everything was in vain I tried to jump was not able to reach, even my feet were bruised until it did not hurt anymore when I jumped.

I jump back. He can't read my diary, lest he know all my past. "Sister Farzan, Dibah tired of jumping up and down, return the diary, Dibah. "my annoyance is still jumping like a rabbit.

Instead of responding he started to open the main page of my diary. And... Cup. One kiss landed on Farzan's left cheek. I kissed Farzan's left cheek? I don't know if this is a plan or a coincidence because Farzan also kept quiet. Ah, embarrassing.

I'm silent. Kaku is in this position. I no longer jump like that. "Geez, we are very close" said Farzan, I then took a few steps back.

"Ah? " I picked up the diary and then ran away to my room and covered myself with a blanket. I could feel numb if I kept being around him. I don't know how Farzan is right now, maybe he's laughing at me.

I hugged the diary tightly, relieved of my efforts earlier to jump up and down to get this, despite having kissed Farzan's cheek.

" Dear doctor sir, I'm jealous of your patients now! Is he more important than Dibah? Ah stupid! It's about life but why didn't the doctor tell Dibah first? Going straight away is not important! Ah either Dibah lazy to think this. Angry at the doctor!" Brother Farzan read my diary. How could? Is that book in my hand? "I'm sorry, doctor, next time you'll ask permission before you go."

The blanket that was attached to my body and then I lowered it slowly, I saw that Farzan was sitting reading the novel ALENA without looking at me.

"Dear brother Farzan. Should I be Fatimah, loving in silence or, Khadijah come and say his love? May time soon answer all this." Farzan read back my diary. "This is if it's not wrong on page 208 deh. "he said as if reading the novel book. In each of my diaries I always join the page.

"Sister Farzan! Don't read it again, ehh! " i think with annoyance.

Brother Farzan distanced the novel and began to approach me. He said right in my ear, "Ana uhibbika fillah, Adibah."

I looked up to hear Farzan's words earlier. Ana uhibbuka fillah Adibah? I love you because of God, Adibah? Brother Farzan loves Adibah because of Allah?

I looked towards Farzan's face. We're very close. It's the first time I've been this close to Farzan.

"Sister Farzan love Adibah? Brother Farzan is serious? By Allah? Lillahi ta'ala's? Farzan didn't lie, did he? "

He touched my chin. "I told you before that I love you, right? " he asked what I nodded. "Before you loved me, I loved you first. Before that big fight, I loved you. I can't be mad at you too long, Adibah. You know, when you're nowhere near me, I feel like I'm losing my way. "

"Was also brother. He has one request. "

"What's? "

"Be the list of names of the second man who never hurt Dibah after dad."

"Not our way, but God's way. Not our choice, but God's. Not our decision, but God's. Not our decrees, but God's decrees" said Farzan. "Adibah, "call Brother Farzan.

I looked at him.

"If I look fine without you, believe me it's my best play." Brother Farzan touched my face, rubbed it gently then kissed it briefly. "I love you, Dibah. I love you so much. "

"Sister Farzan. " Kak Farzan looked down to see me. "What if there was a woman who was much prettier and more attractive than Dibah? Is the doctor still willing to stick with Dibah? "

"There's only one thing that can make me leave you."

"When that?"

"When death comes near me. That's where I really left you and didn't come back. But believe me, God will bring us back to his paradise. But when you don't see me there, ask God where I am. So that we can always be together until the next."

My tears fell. I'm so moved to hear that. I hugged Farzan's body tightly, I didn't want to lose him again, my greatest agony right now, when he was gone in my life. O God, I love Farzan because of You.

"Can you stay away a little? What if I'm khilaf? " said brother Farzan chuckled.

I understand what Farzan means, even though we are already legitimate in religion but I can't do that, my school is still one month away, what if I have to get pregnant easily? And what if everyone knew? Finish my history.

I finally retreated a few inches from him.I hope my face doesn't blush now. "Sister Farzan, Ih! "

Brother Farzan brought our bodies back closer and hugged me. Buried my face in the chest of his field. "Be a woman as sincere as the khadijah, who is as smart as Aisha, who is as wise as Fatimah, as patient as Asiyah, and as brave as Asma bint Abu Bakr. Be the woman who will be free to enter heaven through any door."

"In shaa Allah, Brother Farzan. Pray for the Lord continue. "

"Sleep, there's so much waiting for you tomorrow. Forgive all my mistakes, Adibah. "

"What's brother doing? "

"I don't guarantee I can live until tomorrow, I'm afraid I'm going through this. And got me caught up in a huge sin. "

"Sister Farzan, Dibah can't breathe this. "

Farzan did not stop implanting my head in his chest.

He laughed, and loosened his embrace. "Sleep, "door.

I closed my eyes at Farzan's request, as if to be little Adibah again, when my father ordered me to sleep I would immediately close my eyes with my father's hands, as I do now, I closed my eyes with Farzan's hands. The lights are dead.

As it turns out, God has a beautiful groove for his servant. I hope Farzan's brother is always like this.

Dear Allah. Thank you for meeting me with someone who feels lucky to have me. Thank you for making me love him so much. Thank you for making him love me too.

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"To say I miss myself is shameful, but this miss makes me shed tears."