Dear Imamku
Not Me
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Allah does not burden a person according to his ability-QS. Al-Baqarah 286.
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This afternoon, I had to leave this hospital, along with Zahra, yes Zahra she made me have to die everything, not without reason I died Farzan, he said, it's just that I should be able to give up my happiness for the sake of their child's happiness.
Flashbacks
My head hurts so much, I stare around that glass. “Kak Farzan?” I shouted with fear.
Did someone accidentally turn off the lights?
Unexpectedly a strange voice started to sound from my right, a kind of voice of a woman crying, I turned my face to the source of the voice. “Adibah,” said the person.
My eyebrows are attracted to each other. “Who are you? “ my. Honestly, I didn't recognize this voice, even I had never listened to this type of voice before.
“I... I'm Zahra! “ said. I'm speechless. My chest feels so claustrophobic, why is he here? A thousand questions, as if I wanted to ask, but my tongue was stiff, I could not speak. “I'm sorry, Adibah. I'm here to beg you to stay away from Farzan! Isam fever, our son. He's sick looking for his father. I've asked Farzan to come back soon, but still he can't, he doesn't want you to disagree. By God, I wouldn't have begged like this if it wasn't for my son. “
I don't know why my head suddenly hurt so much. “What lights are off? Please enlighten me so I can see you, Zahra. “
“You lost your sight, Adibah. “ It feels like the oxygen supply is thinning in this room, I can't breathe, my chest feels tight. Why these? I lost my sight? Why should I? I was crying all over, suddenly a soft hand touched my shoulder, I knew who it was, she must be Zahra.
“Adibah. Before you realized, I always saw Farzan crying after knowing that you could not see anymore, I feel sorry for him, but I can't do anything my son is also sick now.”
I was like first, when I heard the news that I lost my sight, I always cried.
I want to ask God! Why should my vision? Why not my life too? Wh why?
“Adibah. I'm sorry if I'm presumptuous, but I have a suggestion for you. You don't want Farzan to suffer? Therefore leave him," he said frankly. Whatever Zahra said, I always heard it well, I think it was right this time. Ever since I came into her life, she's always had this kind of test, godi, I can't see it that way, see her suffer because of me.
“Help me Zahra. I want to get away from this stupid life! I want to go all the way from this place! Tell me the best way to keep Brother Farzan away from me,” I said sobbing.
“I'll help. You can only pretend that you love someone in your life. Whatever"
“Maybe Fauzi,” I replied.
Somehow I looked at Zahra's face, but I think she was just as devastated as I was, especially when her son was sick, she had no other way but this.
Oh God, whatever I do after this, please forgive me, and please, whatever Farzan says later, forgive him too.
“Ya already, “ he said with a snot voice that also came up loud. “Say to Farzan later...?
“Adibah.” Suddenly the shadow of the incident disappeared. I turned my head to the source of the sound. “You ready? “ asked, which I replied nod.
Right now, we're going somewhere, I don't know where Zahra is going to take me, if I'm not mistaken, in an apartment but I don't know which apartment.
Somehow my life in the future, how can I interact with someone around me in the future with this situation, meaning blind.
Dear imam.
God let down the pain in your qolbum, that your tears may flow to remember Him. God places a narrowness in your heart that You may remember Him, widening the hearts of all because God loves do'a and prostrates you, pleading with Him. My Imam, Are not those who believe Allah tested? Be patient, maybe we are not a true match in the eyes of God, if we are a match, we will still be found, although maybe not in the world, but in the hereafter, in shaa Allah.
''Allah does not burden a person according to his ability-QS. Al-Baqarah 286.
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“If you need anything, tell me, “ said Zahra, holding my hand to sit at the soup.
“How do I contact you? “
“You don't live alone, there's uncle Anto who will be with you.” I was shocked to hear the name Zahra mentioned. Doesn't that name sound like a man's name?
“He's my uncle, he'll be with you here, he's a good man. Isn't uncle? “ Astagfirullah, I think from earlier only the two of us who are in this room, it turns out his uncle as well, I swear, I was very afraid, if I can be honest I want to go back to the hospital. “Yes already, you want to eat right? Later Anto uncle who provides. Uncle Anto I came out first yes, Adibah take care of yourself.” Hearing from his footsteps, he was already far away.
“But, Zahra. I'm coming with you, not both women and men who are not mahram alone. I'm coming with ya.” Zahra brushed my hand off, from her hand.
“Aibah, you are this! Religious rules make you too excessive, he said do not be bad to think with people, uh the reason this problem should be considered! Don't be so bad, he already has Adibah's wife. “ Sounded from the tone of his voice, if he was upset.
“Tap-“
“Stop Yes Adibah, don't overdo it. I want Arisan first, Uncle Anto, take good care of Adibah yes.”
I tried to resist Zahra's steps, but failed, where I might be able to do it if I couldn't see her whereabouts.
“What do you eat? “ ask someone with a heavy voice. Astagfirullah, the sound of my heartbeat is getting irregular.
I tried to smile. “Bis.. can. can help me out. Uncle used to? “ permission with a stammered tone.
“Oiya, wait. “ That uncle touched my hand, but I immediately took a step off. I did it over and over again, God, why is it like this?
“Uncle do not need to hold my hand, not mahram. Better, today uncle go home first let Adibah live alone in this house, “ pekakuku, but did not get an answer.
Thought he might be gone. I went back to remembering which direction I was going and how many steps I took to get to the sofa. For ten minutes I sat there, doing nothing, my focussed eyes forward and my thoughts were always about, Farzan.
I'm sorry, Brother Farzan. I just realized, I am the separation between you and your daughter and wife. I was too selfish, I was too childish, just selfish. And now, I have come to realize my nature, for Farzan, I will always love you, even though I no longer live in this world.
If you knew, you'd have me put in the most special place of my life, you're the only man who can turn my sorrows into my tribe in a moment, in a moment, you're the only man I can consider husband and father. But I realized again, maybe we are not a match in this world, but I hope that at the end of the night, hopefully we can be united in heaven.
“You fed what non? “ Astagfirullah, I think he's home.
“Why don't you go home? “ my question that does not heed the question.
“Which may I want to waste this golden opportunity, “ he said then laughed out loud. Wallahi, her voice sounds so scary.
“What do you mean by golden opportunity?” I stayed away a few inches from him. “For God's sake, if you touch me, I'll make sure you don't live! “ threatenku.
He laughed out loud again. “That's funny, just seeing that you can't, let alone kill me? Have an inner eye? “
The uncle touched my face again and I patted back, by God, I was so disgusted like this. Unexpectedly, violently, a hand managed to pull my hijab and my hair. “You dare to refuse my request? Huh!”
I cried so much, while shouting “Kak Farzan, tolongi Dibah!” isakku.
The man started pulling me, I didn't know where I was going down, until I felt like my body was thrown somewhere soft, I knew it must be a mattress. My thinking suddenly led to something bad.
اَللَّهُمَّ لا سَهْلَ إِلاَّ مَا جَعَلْتَهُ سَهْلاً وَ أَنْتَ تَجْعَلُ الْحَزْنَ إِذَا شِئْتَ سَهْلاً
Allaahumma Laa Sahla Illaa Maa Ja’altahu Sahlaa Wa Anta Taj’alul Hazna Idza Syi’ta Sahlaa.
“Yes Allah, there is no ease except what You make easy. And when You will, You will make distress a ease.”
I don't know what happened next, suddenly my head hurts a lot. A faint voice said, “I'll kill you!! “ afterwards, I do not know what happened anymore, whether I was fainting or maybe died.
Brother Farzan, forgive me for disobeying you, forgive me. And I also thank you, for your patience with my nature like this, I am so grateful to God, for meeting me with a man like you, patient with everything that concerns me.
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وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الصَّابِرِينَ
“And, Allah loves those who are patient”. [Original Imran :146]
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