Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Mature Considerations

If asked why I would not adopt the baby, I would quickly answer that I don't really mind. We also talked about adoption. But now I'm scared. The fear that usually arises when someone wants to adopt a child.

Seedling. Bebet. Weights.

And it's not like I'm questioning that because I'm an adopted child myself. What I fear is when people, families and communities will question the status of the baby: why, where, and how do we adopt it? Should I tell you the truth that the baby in a bloody red state was found in a hotel room, he was abandoned by his mother shortly after he was born?

That's so vile. And I don't think it's up to the heart that the baby will find out what his past is, that he's an unwanted child by the mother who gave birth to him? Then he will have other assumptions that he may be a child born out of wedlock, or a child of forbidden love, a child of free sex*, or a child of illicit relations, or a child of illicit relations, her mother's affair with the husband of the man, or whatever - exactly what I've experienced before, which I've never had an answer to until now.

But, about me - - there is still a bad possibility, that I was found on the edge of the forest, that I might have been a kidnapped child - - in the sense that I was forced apart from my parents, and maybe there's old charcoal out there crying about losing me - not a story that can be swallowed raw like this baby: he was left in a hotel room in a state of still-blood shortly after he was born. Who would make up a good story for him that his mother may have left him because maybe for his safety because the mother was being chased by criminals, or other good stories of the same kind? I guess not. People will think more in the negative direction and will later tell the bad story to him. I'm afraid I won't be able to.

Oh, my God.. Why should I think so far?

That night, I pat HansH's shoulder gently until he moved slowly, then he muttered indistinctly. I smiled, then shook his shoulders.

"Hmm" he muttered.

I leaned over and whispered in my husband's ear, "Tomorrow after Ied's salad, can we stop by the clinic?"

HansH suddenly opened his eyes and looked at me. "Are you sick, honey?"

I shook my head while smiling.

HansH's forehead wrinkled. "When to the clinic?"

My throat feels tight. I just kept staring at him.

HansH turned around and turned on the lights. He saw the unrest in my eyes.

"Darling, what's wrong?" hansh's voice sounded soft.

"The baby" I said softly. "I thought about it."

"Which baby?" His forehead is getting deeper.

I mendesa*. "The baby you told me about when you came home."

In a lying position, he looked at me.

In a cross-legged position, I looked at him.

Our eyes speak a lot.

"You sure?" hansh finally asked.

I looked down weakly. "I'm not sure." Then I sighed* and looked back at HansH. "But why do I keep thinking about it, huh? I haven't seen it."

HansH got up from his sleeping position, then sat down cross-legged and hugged me. "What if we pray? You can ask the Creator, to be sure."

"But I'm scared. I'm not sure."

"What makes you doubt?"

"I...." I told you all my fears about how people's views of the baby would be.

"Oh my goodness, honey. If we agree to adopt it, do not think again what his parents like, let alone clearly we know that the baby was deliberately left behind. Which good parent intentionally leaves his child? We can educate him well. And if it's about having a hereditary disease or not, hopefully not. We hope for the best."

I'm nodding. "But in theory medicine is right. It's genetic. Good or bad genetics will be passed down to the child."

HansH grabbed my shoulder and hugged me. "Darling, in our belief in God, nothing is impossible, not even genetic. You have to take that."

I'm bowed. I knew I was unconscious and not reflecting on myself. But HansH has a big family. I'm worried about their response.

"What if our family doesn't agree?"

HansH was smirking. "We're the ones who want to adopt children, not them."

"But we live here. We're gonna have to ignore if they say anything?"

HansH looked at me seriously. "I'll handle everything" he said. "Why do you have to be angry anyway? Believe these words, as long as no one knows your flaws, no one will harm you. Especially in this case, even people will still look at you as a perfect wife and noble heart, because you're willing to raise a child who's not your flesh and blood when they know you're a perfect woman, right? We'll tell them that we want to learn to be parents by babysitting."

I nodded slowly.

"Let's see, tomorrow we go to the clinic first. You can see the baby up close. After that, let everything flow according to God's plan. You can ask back your decision after seeing it, okay? I'm not gonna force you."

I nodded back and smiled with relief. Most importantly, HansH will not force me into making a decision.