Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Obsessions

Brother Sanjeev sat pensively with a glass of wine in his hand as me and Neha rejoined in the midst of the Mahesvara family. And it really broke my heart. Of course, as a sister, I don't like to see her drifting in grief. I felt a burden in his eyes that I had never seen before.

"Sister, can I sit here?" I asked--to make small talk when I approached her on a park bench. I followed him when I sat down. "I knew you'd come."

He smiled blankly. "It can't be no. You're my beloved sister."

"And the others? They are too, right?"

This resulted in a more sincere smile on his face. "You can see it, I guess."

"Em, I saw it clearly."

"Well, that's it."

"So what keeps you pensive here? I don't mind if you want to spend time with them. I understand and I won't be jealous. They deserve more than me."

Astounded. He shuffled to look at me. "Hey, my dear sister, what are you saying?"

"No. I'm just guessing your heart. Maybe you really want to pour out your affection for them, or maybe you want the position of a real big brother, over blood relations. Not just a brother with a status as a hero."

Dissipated. Sanjeev's sister rested her back on the uncomfortable iron stool. "Maybe you have a point" he admitted. "I can't really explain why, but you see them, my family, they're happy. I watched them together and suddenly it struck me how good my sisters were. Happy, gathered, and not one bit lonely."

"And you feel it? You feel lonely?"

Nodding. "Yes," he said. "I have no one, only you, who are with them now. I can't deny, honey, it feels so stifling. It was strange, I had a nice house, the most advanced car, I made money, and I wore expensive clothes, but in the end, what did all that mean? You know, I looked at all of them today and for the first time, I was envious. I envy HansH who owns them, he also has my aunt. And me, a kara. I'm a...." He was silent when Neha took a seat next to me.

"Everything's good here?"

Brother Sanjeev observed his wine glass closely. Neha raised an eyebrow at me then, reading the cue, she stood up again and walked towards Parvani and Aunt Heera.

I smiled at Brother Sanjeev. "Continue."

"No, Honey. Had enough. You got me carried away."

"O yeah? As usual, right? I'm your sister. I think we have long lost our moment together. I want to listen to you like I used to."

"No. It suck. I never thought I'd say this, let alone admit it." He laughs at himself. "It really sucks."

"I don't think so. I think this is natural. My brother just realized that he wants a family. Relationship to blood. Not just our little world, is it? You want them."

He's nodding. "You feel what I feel? You want to have a big family?"

Sure oes. How could it not. I nodded back. "Often, very often. But I'm not as lucky as you. My brother still has them. While me? I wasn't. And you should be grateful for that. You're pretty lucky. I'm right, right?" I even want to try to persuade you to come clean to them. But I know soften a hard heart because the pain can't be in an instant way. Everything has to go through.

"Of course, forget. Now come with me."

Huh huh?

"Quick," he said, grabbing my hand and dragging me down the other side of the direction where Neha had pulled me. "We have to go to a lonely place."

Wh-wh-what for? The question swirled in my mind but I didn't say it.

Consciously, I followed him, we ran, hand in hand, down the dirty floors and only stopped when we got to the men's room. Sanjeev pushed the door a few inches, then swerved inward.

You know, I'm honestly very prepared for any risks that might occur. Even if anyone sees me with Brother Sanjeev in this situation, then I will admit everything. Unfortunately no. There's no one.

"I can't get in there" I cried as she pulled me in.

Again, he pulled me up and took me into one of the rooms.

I stood in the middle of the small room trying not to touch anything. His name is also a men's toilet, the smell of his pee is so disgusting that I can't explain it. I clamped my nose, then I grimaced towards Brother Sanjeev. Under the bright fluorescent lighting, she looked at me so fixedly.

"What's up, Brother? Why did you bring me here?" I was in a pinched breathing.

Brother Sanjeev did not react, still looking at me so closely.

"Sister?"

"Help me" he asked, stretching out his arms wide. "I miss you."

"Geez, of course." I immediately grabbed it. I curled my arms tightly around his body, the figure of a sturdy and warm man. "I miss you so much."

Just then I realized that Sanjeev was stroking my head, he kissed my forehead, then hugged me tight.

"Why are you a melancholy man like this, anyway?" my question was that realizing his eyes were red, he shook his head while I gnawed at the tears.

No other words or answers to that question. Brother Sanjeev looked at me for a few more seconds then asked, "Have I lost you, Zia?"

"Eh?" I looked at him in wonder. "Whatchu mean? That's not possible. You never lost me at all. Until you'll be my brother."

She shook her head. "That's not what I mean."

"SISTER...?"

The two hands I realized had already moved onto my shoulders, gripping me even stronger. "You asked me to come here to take you away, didn't you? But what I saw was different. You're enjoying your time with HansH. And I don't like that. Tell me I was wrong. Tell me I didn't lose you. You're Zia-ku. You're still my Zia. Isn't that right, Zia? Isn't that right, honey?"

I bowed, wondering what answer I should give. If I'm honest, it means I'm going to hurt Sanjeev. If I lie, I don't want to give him hope. My feelings for Brother Sanjeev have been dashed ever since HansH filled my heart, replacing the place that had been occupied by Brother Sanjeev. But as a brother, Sister Sanjeev's position in my heart can never be changed. It never will.

"Take me, Zia. Look me in the eye. Hm? Does that still feel like it's for me?"

I'm shaking. "Sorry, Brother. I'm sorry."

"Zia?"

"I love HansH."

"No. That's not possible. You're kidding me, right? Tell me you're just kidding."

I'm shaking.

"Bad! Goddamn it!" Sanjeev took his hand off me and punched the toilet door.

I was scared, and worried. I don't want Brother Sanjeev's emotions to make him get back out of control.

"Sister, Brother don't-"

"How did this happen?"

"I...."

"No, Zia. I won't let HansH take you from me. It won't. You mine. You, forever only mine. And you know, if I lose you to that son of a bitch, it makes me want to ruin his life more quickly."

My eyes closed. I know you don't love me, brother. You're just obsessed with defeating HansH. And I'm stuck between you guys, getting deeper.