Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Malika Mahesvara

The clock continues forward. The beating of the heart continues to beat. While I was, I was still mute in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the road we were going through. Unable to say anything among the whirling wind that hit my hair while my eyes were only glued to what was in front of me. I was again caught up in my own anxiety - the anxiety that somehow came back this morning took hold of me.

"Darling?" HansH stroked my head, and I was a bit shocked. "Don't be a burden, huh? Let's just say we go to the clinic just to see the baby. Besides you have no obligations whatsoever. Okay, Honey?"

I'm nodding. But still the burden did not collapse from my shoulders. If I remember my childhood, I am grateful for having been adopted by my mother, I feel very eager to adopt the baby, but I feel unprepared for all the consequences of the judgment of the people after it. Moreover, Sheveni, he will definitely scorn me all out. Maybe I can hold him back if he's insulting me, me, but what if he's later denouncing the baby? What if he or anyone else, anyone -- call the baby an illegitimate baby or the proverbial nation? Hows it? Can I hear the slur for the sake of the slur that will be addressed to the baby? Just think about it I can't. How will I face it?

Ughhhh!

"Darling?"

"Emm?"

"Talk to me. Anything, maybe your feelings will be better."

"I have one question, what if people insult him? See him as an illegitimate child? Are we going to be able to hear the baby we already love become a subject of insults people?"

"It could be because it's normal, honey. In the eyes of God there are no illegitimate babies. They are born holy even from the seeds of forbidden relationships. I think I can be a breastfed father. And wasn't I born from a forbidden relationship? If we had to respond to people's talk, it would never be endless, wouldn't it?"

Hansh's right. He could be a wise father. But still, I just fell silent. Feeling still unable to eliminate the anxiety that is raging in the chest.

And, now, with repeated silence along the rest of the way, we finally arrived at the clinic where the baby had been deposited. In HansH's arms, we headed straight for the baby's room.

The funny face was asleep.

HansH said she was a beautiful baby girl. Her skin was pure white, as white as my skin, black-haired, cheeks puffed up and very cute. And. vibrating. It fit so well in my sling. I liked it, and then busied myself by fondling it. Enjoyed the sweet moment of introductions between us.

I'm just smiling.

"You know, if you agree to adopt her, I want us to name her Malika. He will be a little angel to complete the happiness in our household. Malika Mahesvara's. A beautiful name for a beautiful baby. How, Ma?"

Oh.. my heart is full....

The words were stuck and stuck for me to get out. No more letters in my head and no more alphabetical lines to spell. Because his presence has destroyed the alphabet in my life. That's how I got Malika.

To hide the feeling lodged in that chest, I immediately nodded. Happy tears fell and we hugged.

"You know, someday I'm going to adopt a baby boy and I'm going to name him Malik. Little brother to Malika."

Malik's? What does this mean, God? I never even mentioned Mr. Malik's name in front of HansH. How could he be inspired by that name? Is this how you show me Your greatness? Masayallah. Maybe this is the right answer for me, having a child does not mean that he should be born from my womb....

I'm moved. The peace of this fitri I'm living, like the peace when the solar fracturing splits the night. All are driven away from all the dead.

"So, are you sure you want to accept Malika with all your heart? Are you willing to be a mother to this baby and bring her home? If not, I won't force you. We're gonna go home and leave it here."

No. gabe. I'm shaking. He's comfortable in my arms. And I won't let go of it again....

I accepted....