Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Love And Wounds

We stayed away from the lake until we arrived at the victorian-style wrought-iron gazebo. Petite snowflakes began to swirl near our ears as we climbed the stairs then sat on a long wooden bench to enjoy our breakfast. Brother Sanjeev bit his sandwich and while silence was brewing between us I felt my stomach start to tense up again.

"Sandwich's good?" I said get started, reasoning that any chatter is better than nothing.

He nodded then looked at me closely. "Zoe...."

The torture factor instantly surged millions of times. "Sister, please, can we just forget what happened on Saturday? Please...?"

"I think we need to talk about it. That day I reacted badly, I'm sorry."

I smiled - forcing a smile. "So, I'm just being honest."

"As you are."

"Yes." Yeah."

"I should have responded better."

"Sister don't have to say that. I know you weren't expecting it."

"Indeed. Really surprising. I mean, the last minute we were talking about...."

"I knew. Ii'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I don't know what I'm thinking."

Sanjeev sighed* and looked at me. "I think you're great, Zia. Long time ago. But you're my brother and very important to me. I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I. that we."

I'm nodding. "Already, Brother. Let's forget about that. Okay well? I'm your sister, and you're my brother. We're family, we're brothers."

"Yes, of course. Nothing will change. So, where did you go after you left me?" sak Sanjeev asked, dragging me back to my meeting with HansH Mahesvara.

I forced my expression to remain calm, even though my heart was doing kayang movements. "I went straight to Neha's apartment. I mean, yesterday was a really bad day. After all the chaos that ensued, I even had time to bump into someone, a tall male figure and I bounced onto the asphalt. How humiliating. Luckily the man stood up instead of getting angry. I was so afraid that he would scold me. Thank goodness it didn't happen. He's a good guy, I guess. We also got to know. After that I went straight to Neha's apartment. Afraid that I'll have another bad night."

Sanjeev's sister is watching my face. "So, what's going on now? Fuckin' bad?"

I opened my sandwich package to avoid his gaze. "We'll enjoy this breakfast before it gets cold."

"Zoe...."

"I don't know, okay?"

"I-i"

"Sister, please, let's just say that I just spoke wrongly. I don't know, I mean, I've never had a situation like this before. So, I mean, it's only natural that I've been talking wrong. Please understand?"

"HansH. HansH Mahesvara."

"HansH's?"

"Yes. Sister knew him?"

"More than anyone else knows him. You better stay away from him. Listen to me, okay?"

Eh? Wh why?

There is no clear answer. Sanjeev said that HansH Mahesvara was a criminal and hated him. And when I asked further what was the reason for Mr. Sanjeev to say that, he looked upset and left me alone with confusion. But one thing was for sure, I could see a great hatred in her eyes, something I had not seen in nearly twenty years - as long as I stayed with her as her only sister.

But in the end I was a little relieved because at last the moment - - when I was with Sis Sanjeev who was full of awkwardness - ended as well, at least for that moment.

Not wanting to continue eating, I finally got my sandwich back, I put my mask back on and I got out of there. And, somehow, my footsteps brought me back to the lake area. HansH is still there. Still staring in the distance as if there was something so interesting ahead there to continue to see with his gaze filled with sorrow. I think this place must have a lot of memories for her. As I feel, this place is an inseparable part of my life, my memories with Kak Sanjeev.

You know, you know, what Brother Sanjeev would never know - but now pierces my heart like a sharp drop of frozen water - is that this garden is where I first realized that I was in love with him. That day, four years ago, we arranged a lakeside lunch meeting on the first Saturday of September, just like we had done before. As usual, he would bring my favorite sandwich if I prepared my cake, so I specially made the spectacular cake for him. Sis Sanjeev's smile was completely satisfied when he saw the cake and made me laugh.

"So easy to make happy, '" my lead. "Enough a piece of cake and Big Brother will instantly serve that person. It's ridiculous!"

"Yes because this isn't just any cake, honey. It's love at first sight. And this was made especially for me."

"Buset. So all the girls trying to get close to you for dating them, obviously missed one trick. All it takes is cake, right?"

He smiled widely, pinched a piece of cake then put it in his mouth. Closing her eyes she held her heart. "Find me a woman who can make a cake like this for me, and I'll be hers forever."

His eyes opened and flickering inside was inevitably typical of Kak Sanjeev.

"Well, I hope you're lucky to find him then" I grinned back.

He smiled again while his gray eyes looked at me for a second longer than usual. And that's when it happened. I felt my heartbeat jump and the world start to spin - - and I knew I was in love. The revelation really surprised me and, when Brother Sanjeev returned his attention to the cake a moment later, I felt overwhelmed by what had just happened.

In the following days I tried to think of it as a strange occurrence and almost managed to convince myself until the next time we met on Friday night at Neha's apartment. As soon as Brother Sanjeev stepped into the room, my pulse began to quicken and throughout the night I had to resist the urge to stare at him. Suddenly I felt as if I had just seen him for the first time - his casual smile, his eyes twinkle as he joked with other friends, how his hands expression when speaking. I've known him all my life but somehow I never realized how amazing he was.

From then on, my love deepened for him. Every minute we spent together reassured my feelings and then, last year, I began to notice a change in his attitude towards me. He asked me to be with him more often and when we were together the chemical reaction between us was astounding. Or so I thought....

With all those memories, all of her sweet attitude towards me considering that our brotherly relationship was not a blood-bound one, I guess it was only natural that I had a special feeling towards her. But it turns out I was wrong. Depressing. I really want to scream. But I've embarrassed myself enough with the incident the other day. Now everything is represented only by tears. Here, in this place, I cry.

Like HansH, I think he has his own memories of this place.