Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
First Meeting

Crowded. Birmingham's famous Christmas Market is crowded, packed with people shopping for Christmas gifts at the last minute and clustered around wooden booths selling beer. Colored lights hung over the head shimmered brightly against the backdrop of the gray December night sky while Christmas music blared shamelessly from loudspeakers along the New Street section.

"Zia! Where are you going? I'm sorry, please come back! Zia!"

Behind me, Kak Sanjeev's screams mingled into the low boisterous thrills of shoppers and old Christmas hit songs. I accelerated my pace, walking blindly against the current waves of human bodies, their countless faces milling around in front of me, without a smile and without a care. I have embarrassed myself enough: the last thing I need is my relationship with Brother Sanjeev before my declaration of love.

As I passed by each shop, their obelisks began to deform into judgments condemning my actions, exclaiming to me from every bright window:

...Cachete!...

...Stupidhead!...

...What are you thinking...?...

As the hustle and bustle pushed me toward the marble pillars of the town hall, Paul McCartney sang Wonderful Christmas as if it should end with an ironic question mark. Unable to break free, I found myself moving with the flow of visitors. But I felt nothing: my senses were numbed by the faceless bodies that were pinching me, and my heart was too surrounded by the endless echoes of Kak Sanjeev's words to be able to care more about him. Completely incapable of understanding the great calamity I just produced, I resigned myself to the inevitable power of the crowd and, quite literally, went with the flow.

What comes to my mind when I tell the best man in my life that I love him? I didn't even plan on saying that - - and now I can't believe I've been spouting my biggest secrets so far. A minute earlier we were laughing at the ghost character in the comedy we had just seen, his smile was so warm and his eyes sparkled as usual while we were chatting together in a pleasant discussion. Next I confessed my feelings to him that I had been harboring for four years. What makes me think that's a good idea?

Maybe because Most Wonderful Time of the Year aka the Most Beautiful Time in a Year will soon arrive. Thank you for the song or the festive atmosphere that filled the city today that caused me to express my feelings towards Kak Sanjeev as before. Perhaps it was the over-viewing of scenes in girls' movies that pushed my sanity to the brink and made the whole thing seem like the greatest idea.

Just dumped by the crowd at the bottom of Victoria Square's huge stone steps, I managed to stuff myself through the gap of slow-moving shoppers and came up short of breath in a small pine-scented recess near the perimeter fence surrounding the base of the Christmas tree Swiss giant. Tears stung my eyes and I gulped angrily trying to keep them from falling but in vain.

What's wrong with me? How could I be so wrong? That's stupid, Zia! You should think a thousand times before you speak.

My phone rang in the bag, but I couldn't take the call, so Stevie Wonder continued singing her Sir Duke without me as usual.

It was the last Saturday before Christmas. I purposely came there to see the crowds of people who revel in welcoming Christmas. Maybe I'll find something I want to buy. But it turns out, a broken heart and filled with shame that I even get today.

"Zia!"

My head jolted upright in horror when I saw Brother Sanjeev trying to break through among the crowd, on the road over there. No, this is definitely not going to happen now. I can't stand to face it. The lead-heavy shame that gripped my stomach was already unbearable. Turning around, I went back into the crowd and kept running.

Looking back, I shouted back. "Go home, Brother! I need some time alone."

I saw him stop, throw both his hands into the air and then spin back into the shopper herd behind him. Angry at myself for creating this bad situation, I wanted to put as much distance between me and the scene of my worst decision as possible. Tears flooded my eyes as I again ran, rushing through the thickness of the bodies that were swarming over me. Part of me wanted Brother Sanjeev to follow me, to step in and say that his reaction was excessive, that I was not mistaken, but I knew it wasn't going to happen and I hated myself for wanting the impossible to happen. With a huff, I wiped away tears - a split second before seeing the tall body of a man appear right in front of me and my body hit him uncontrollably.

Concurrent breaths rang out from the crowd of shoppers as I fell, arms and legs flailing, plunged into a slow motion that was not at all graceful. Unfortunately, this misfortune was coupled with the next misfortune, the inevitable rattling sound that made the stomach twine as my body hit the hard rock road and stalled on the ice-covered asphalt.

It took me a moment to catch my breath, my ears buzzing due to the unpleasant encounter between the head and the asphalt. I cried from shame and tried to stand up. And...

That's when I saw him. The tall man reached out to me. When I raised my gaze, I faced the man who was arguably the most handsome I had ever seen. Incredibly handsome. His black eyes caught the light from the colorful Christmas lights above, while his strands of black hair reflected the twinkling blue light from the tiny lights framing the roof of the toy booth. The bluish color of the shave marks adorned his jaw line and I saw his cheekbones were quite clearly sculpted.

"Thank you" I said after receiving his help. I stood back up straight. "I'm sorry. I accidentally hit you. Pardon?"

He's nodding. "It's okay. It's no big deal" he replied as he pushed both hands into his coat pocket.

For a moment, we stood without speaking, our breath soaring in the water vapor bathed in the light of Christmas lights. Obviously no one among us knew what to say and the awkwardness of the silence made the previous embarrassment flood me again. While, on the other hand, I realized that he was watching me, it was as if he was curious about the face behind the mask that covered my face. Moreover, the way he looked at my black eyes, as if he was trying to recognize me. And I can't explain why, 'cause I don't recognize that guy. How could he know me?

Doesn't matter. I don't think it's wrong if I try to be friendly. Without thinking much, I stuck my hand out to him. "My name is Zia."

Reciprocated. He welcomed my handshake. "HansH. HansH Mahesvara."

"It's nice to know you."

The man just nodded. He was obviously just being polite, my logic was speaking, my heart was off the mark, and now he's looking for an excuse to leave.

"Well, I better...." I nodded towards the town hall behind us, as if this would be a universal gesture of Christmas shopping that I still have to do before I can get home. Fortunately, he seemed to understand, nodding while looking down at his feet. "Again thanks."

She raised her beautiful eyes once again towards me. "No problem. Merry Christmas." Merry Christmas."

As I hurried off, I felt like shouting. Unsatisfied with just destroying my brotherhood with Kak Sanjeev and making myself look foolish in front of most of the shopper in town, I now embarrass myself in front of a very handsome guy.

Good, Zia. Nice work! You're great!