Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Prayer and Hope

A big bag of groceries was thrown by Aunt Heera to me that night, after the entourage of the big spenders was from their shopping activities. Aunt Heera said she bought it for me. Enthusiastically, I greeted and opened it, and, finding ten special milk boxes for pregnant programs with various flavors.

"Oh my goodness, Auntie. Thank you," I said, trying as hard as I could and putting aside the thought of HansH that I somehow thought she wasn't enthusiastic about when I talked about pregnancy and having children. I'm trying to think positively, maybe HansH didn't really mean that. Maybe it's because we just got married, so, uh, you understand what I mean. I don't want to think negatively and blame HansH even though I don't think it's wrong for a married couple to talk about having a baby even though they just got married.

Nevermind, thought. I focused on what was in front of me.

Aunt Heera smiled happily. "Together, Honey. Auntie pray you get pregnant fast and Auntie will get cute grandkids from you."

"Aamiin's." I smiled and immediately took the boxes of milk to our humble kitchen apartment and arranged them into a wooden cabinet above the counter.

The cup! HansH peeked at the nape of my neck. He had just walked into the kitchen just as I was stirring up the milk I had just been brewing. The smell of strawberries is sweet in the air.

"What is that, honey? Milk shakes?"

I smile. "In milk, strawberry flavor. But more precisely this milk is specifically for pregnant programs.

"Oh."

Hmm. again he did not respond with -- not at all enthusiastic.

"Aunt Heera bought it for me."

HansH. "You asked for it?"

"No, really." I shove my head in a doldrums. "Aunt Heera herself bought this for me. She hoped I'd get pregnant soon and give her a grandchild."

Nodding. HansH came back kissing the nape of my neck. "alright. Don't be a burden, yeah. Just relax. And. enjoy your milk. It will be my turn to enjoy my milk. The other milk."

"Eh?" I swerved, then I giggled. "Basar you are. Bawdy!" my lead to HansH.

She grinned. "O yeah?" tanyanya while pulling the skirt part of my dress up. "I'm perverted?" His hand moved, stroking my thigh.

Argha! That's more than a pervert!

I grimaced. "In this apartment there are many people. Don't open it here. Shame, know!"

"Well, finish your milk." He kissed me on the cheek, broke away from me and went to the room. "Don't sleep too late, yeah," he exclaimed as he walked.

Yeah, it's just my feeling. HansH did not mean to be unenthusiastic. Don't think too much, Zia.

I picked up my milk glass and took it to the tv room. There was Neha there with a can of beer in her hand.

"Hi" broom.

"Oh, hi, Zia. Sit here," he said. He smiled as he patted the sofa, at his side, where he sat leisurely.

"Of course" I said. I sat next to him. "We haven't really had a casual conversation since you came here."

Neha smiled amusedly. "How come? You're the newlyweds. Where is the relaxing time outside the room?"

"Ah, you're this!"

"The reality is so. You're busy making love, honey."

"Yes, please understand" I said with a grin, then downed the milk in my hand.

Neha glances. "What's that?" tanyakanya. "Milk shakes?"

"Milk for the pregnant program."

"You want to?"

"Yeee.. Find me a husband first, honey. It's free for me to drink that milk if no seeds come in."

Iyuuuuh...! You are not sane! He giggles instead.

"You are still the same Neha" I said -- without any intention.

But, whether offended, offended, or what, Neha instead said, "I'm sorry you understood. My attitude at that time made our relationship so...."

I smiled, forcing a smile. "It's okay" I said. "Don't talk about it again. But...," I touched his arm, "thank you for explaining to HansH about...."

"Don't discuss," Neha interjected. "Nobody can know but the three of us, okay?"

I'm nodding. Neha was right, I thought. "Again thanks."

"It should. Anything for you, Zia." He hugged me, and I returned his embrace. And the warm embrace of the two friends lasted quite a long time.

Oh, it's relieved.

"How's Sanjeev? He's fine, right?" tanyaku later. "Have you ever met, Neha?"

Neha shook her head in a doldrums. "Come," he said. "I don't know what to say. Physically, she is healthy, and she keeps busying herself with her work. But emotionally I can't judge her, Zia. Is he happy with the path he chose, is he so hard-hearted that he doesn't care about your present life, or is he just pretending to be tough? I don't know. Let alone you, with me he creates distance. I feel like she's not the Sanjeev sister we've known all along."

Oh, how sorry for him. If only he had melted his heart to me and Neha.

"But you just calm down. Nandini told me that at Sanjeev's house it wasn't so. He is in a warm relationship like a family with all his siblings. Including with Aunt Heera."

I looked at Neha with a thousand question marks for one question, "Seriously?"

Neha raised her shoulders. "I don't know. That's what Nandini said. I think I believe."

Yeah, I nodded in agreement. I think it's true. And I was relieved, though in my heart there was a bit of pain: for it seemed that I had lost my place in the heart of Brother Sanjeev as a sister. But it's okay. Most importantly, his relationship with his family has improved.

"You're okay, right?"

I'm nodding. "I'm fine" I said.

"I understand that maybe you feel like you've lost Brother Sanjeev. But, don't drag on. Someday, I believe, your relationship will definitely return to what it used to be. I believe that."

Aamiins. I want to believe it as much as you believe, Neha.

"Zia, remember, yeah. Don't think too much. That wouldn't be good for the pregnancy program you're on. Okay?"

I nodded, forcing a smile back.

"I think it's good, anyway, that while you and HansH are living in this. Everyone needs their own time and space. This is great for a pregnancy program. I was hoping you'd get pregnant soon and give me some funny nieces. Kind, smart, and beautiful like you."

Beautiful like me, or like Alisah?

Hufth. Genetic factors are unlikely to change. Perhaps if I had a daughter, she would inherit my real face, Zia's face. And that face will return to this world. Hopefully, I hope.

But don't inherit your mother's bad luck, honey. I am enough to suffer and have a lot of problems in my life. I want you to live happily, have a full family, feel the love and affection of your biological parents, and siblings. A brother who will love and love you sincerely. Do anything for you without asking for a reply. Aamiins. Please grant my prayers, Lord. Please grant my prayers....

Oh, I unconsciously said that prayer while holding my stomach.

Conscious, Zia. No seed has grown in your womb....