Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Again, Tear Session....

Wh why?

Of course HansH asked that question when I told him I wanted to go home to Neha's apartment, just after we got out of the clinic.

"You'll be safer if you go home."

I'm nodding. I know it's true. But I knew I had to refuse. "I don't want to meet anyone just yet for a while. I can't stand it. I'm ashamed," I said.

"But, Babe-"

"Just for a while."

"But I won't be able to calm down if...."

"Please, huh? I get your point. But you can, can't you, have some bodyguards around the apartment to keep me safe? Please, I just need time to. Far from everyone."

Relented. HansH agreed. "All right," he said. "But...."

"What?"

"You're not leaving, are you?"

"No."

"You won't...?"

"I just need some time to myself. That's all."

"You promise?"

"I promise, even I swear, I won't go. I'm not leaving you. I promise."

Yeah, with a heavy heart HansH finally let me stay in Neha's apartment for a while. He nodded and took a deep breath. "Remember, yes, don't do anything stupid. Don't do anything weird. Don't reck. You understand what I mean, right?"

I actually wanted to laugh, but because the conditions and the situation were not appropriate, so instead I just nodded sadly. "I understand" I said. "I'm not going to do anything weird. I'm not going to be reckless, let alone kill myself. It won't. I'm not that stupid and not that weak."

"I believe you."

I nodded in a small smile, then slammed into HansH's chest for one hug to melt away. "You promised to be with me always. So I knew I didn't have to worry about anything" I said, then I looked up into her eyes. "We're getting married next month, aren't we?"

"Yes, definitely. Sure, Honey. Nothing will change." HansH kissed my forehead.

It was at this moment that Neha grimaced. Eyes glazed. "Let's go home" he whined. "I'm happy to see you, but you make me jealous...."

"Sorry, Dude. I didn't mean to make you jealous. But trust me, one day you'll find a lover as good as my man."

HansH smiled at my praise. "Aamiin," he said.

"Actually I still want to be with you" HansH said as we walked into the apartment. "I don't want to leave you alone."

If HansH had known, I would still have wanted to be with him. Keep in his arms. But the timing is not right. I don't want to keep on playing and showing half the real sadness and half the lies. Seriously because I was sad because I was a murderer, and I lied because I pretended to be sad not just because I killed people. And lies are still lies. So I don't want HansH with me right now for this lie.

We can be together again later, at the right time. "I understand how you feel, My HansH. But right now, I need some time alone. I wanna...." I lowered my head to observe myself. "I want to clean up."

And right at that moment the scene in front of the clinic was repeated. Once again HansH spoke his words. And I'm not surprised, he's so because he's so worried about my mental and psychic. But for God's sake, even though the guilt of taking away the two bastard's lives continued to bombard my feelings, I was sure I was still able to control myself. I wouldn't have done anything to hurt myself. It won't. That's impossible to happen. I can still maintain my sanity.

"I understand your worry, My HansH. But I won't do anything weird. I won't be able to hurt you more than this" I said trying to convince her, but...

HansH was still staring at me fixedly as if it could make him discover the "certainty" of what was to come next. As if he was trying to navigate the future, all he did was convince himself that what he feared was really not going to happen. In this case, his fear could defeat his belief. He was still afraid of losing Alisah.

"Hey, you trust me enough. And if necessary, after the shower I'll take some sleeping pills so you don't worry about me. Sleeping people won't do anything, right?"

HansH's eyes returned to glass and a clear grain dripped from his beautiful black eyes. It was then that I was moved, I felt sorry for him, very sorry for him, and I was about to kiss him to ease the pain in his heart. But I'm not capable of doing that. I stopped just as my lips were about to touch his. I turned. Stand away.

"Why?"

I'm shaking. "It's okay" dust me.

"You want to kiss me, right? Why not be?"

I felt my cheeks getting hot again with tears. "I'm sorry, but I. emm."

But that's not necessary for HansH. He understands completely. With demonic speed, he grabbed my lips. Somehow at first, as I realized, the sturdy hand had been tightly coiled around my waist, and one other hand firmly cupped the back of my head. HansH kissed me deeply without me being able to step aside or resist. Kissing me for so long, with her tongue barging in, wildly reaching the back of my throat, HansH made me feel engrossed in pleasure.

After that one big kiss, he stared at my eyes intensely while shaking his head slowly. "I don't feel disgusted at you. You understand that?"

Practically my eyes were closed because of his understanding, and HansH did not wait for an answer yes. Directly grabbed again my lips for a kiss that is equally terrible.

"Thank you," my sobs came back firmly into his body.

HansH smiled, there was a hint of happiness emanating there. "Alright if you're sure of what you said earlier. Prove that you won't make my heart break any more. I don't want to lose you, and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. You take care of yourself, it means you take care of my heart. Okay, Honey?"

"yeah. I-i understand. And I promised. Later you can call me to make sure I take my sleeping pills." My tears came back, haru and happy because of the sincere love of HansH Mahesvara. "I will keep my promise."

With a smile and heart still sore, but already a little relieved, HansH wiped my tears. "Alright then, I'll go see Vikram. I want to make sure Vikram gets the job done. But I'll be here again. Maybe it'll be late afternoon or later tonight, I want to be by your side."

I nodded my head while smiling. "Thank you, your attention is an incredible love. And. I'm sorry to bother you."

"No...!" Hansh. "Don't talk like that. It is my duty to solve your problems. Besides, it looks like I'm guilty of this kidnapping. Everything that happens is the cause. I'm guilty of you."

I'm shaking. "Don't blame yourself. The important thing is that we stay together and I can always keep your heart, that's enough for me."

Besides my love is not that weak, I can face anything for HansH's sake. Even I am willing to be absent in this love, for the sake of my love for him.