Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Between Love and Lies

Realizing the uncomfortable situation, I knew I had to overcome the melow so that we would both avoid tears of sadness. So, yes, I shook my head and clasped his hands together to calm the anxiety he was feeling. "It's okay, My HansH," I said as cheerfully as I could. "Just think positive, okay? Now listen to me, I'm sure Brother Sanjeev has no ill intentions towards me or your sisters. He gave me a gift because he thought of me as his own sister. But you, you can't think of me as a sister. I'm your future wife and will soon be your wife. After that, whatever you want to give me, I will gladly accept. Anything. Let alone jewelry, in time, when you give yourself completely to me, I will accept you with all my soul and body. No exception in the future, when you are united with me."

Oops! Ahaha!

Chuckles happily. HansH could barely hold back his laughter. "Geez, your words are kind of straight, yes," he said blatantly.

Just sober I chuckle. "It's important you laugh. If it's less, you can look at me as much as you can, until your mood is cheerful."

"O yeah? Is that potent?"

"Just try it."

"Looks less powerful. But I know a better way."

Hm... HansH. "I know your head" I said. "Bas on a bad guy!"

"How else, my beloved is so beautiful. And I had trouble controlling myself just from looking at her face. Really, you're intoxicating."

I smile. "Then get drunk. Get drunk because of me and be with me."

Anxious. HansH erema*my fingers are strong. "We're getting married tomorrow, yuk?"

Yuuuuuh! He made me laugh. "Basic, yes, you. Men are impatient."

"All because of you" he whispered. "Just because of you."

I laughed again. "Already, yes, the joke. We're getting married next month. Can't be bothered."

He just nodded, but his fixed gaze would not escape me.

"So, you feel better now, right?"

HansH's cheerful smile said everything, and I'm so grateful for that.

Well, after finishing our cake, HansH suggested that we go to the South Bank. "It's very beautiful on the banks of the Thames" he said. "You must like it."

Yep! He's not wrong. When it arrived at the South Bank, an amazingly magical sight greeted my eyes. Each tree was covered in a mesh of tiny lights, making it look like it was studded with sparkling diamonds, and multicolored lights bounced off the dark river water. It's exquisite.

I swallowed with great difficulty. I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. And not knowing what to say, I could only be silent.

"Alisah, what's wrong? You look uncomfortable. Are you sick?"

I'm shaking. "No, kok. I'm fine." Just a little uncomfortable. If you hadn't talked about the past.

"You sure?"

"Em."

"But you seem to be nervous. And this always happens when I talk about our past. I understand that you don't remember, but your reaction was. You were never even enthusiastic. As if...."

"If you understand why you always talk about it?" my question is, my emotions are provoked. "The past is a good memory for you. But for me it's not, and it's very much related because I'm not Alisah! I'm not Alisah who has those memories in my memory. Those memories are not in my memory. There aren't. And I'm sick of that fact. If you care, don't always talk to me about the past. Please, I can't. I can't."

Go awayl. I stepped back. I couldn't see HansH sculpting because of my words. I've hurt her heart. And this is wrong. Why am I out of control like this?

"Anything!" hansh exclaimed, he chased after me and managed to pull my hand. I flinched into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? Ii'm sorry. I'm sorry, please? Forgive me," HansH said repeatedly in an unstable roar of breath. "I'm sorry. I beg you not to go, do not leave me again, Alisah. I don't want to lose you. Please." Please."

I sobbed. "I should be the one apologizing. Ihurt you. My words are outrageous. I'm sorry, My HansH. I'm sorry."

"Shhhh, it's okay, honey. It's okay, okay? I'm fine." He cupped my face with one hand, while the other hand slowly raised my hand and swept his lips against my finger. "I was wrong. But I promise, from now on I'll better understand how you feel. I won't let our past memories hurt you again. It never will. Forgive me."

Stretching out my hand, I held her face with my hand and I kissed her. Feeling her sweet lips in the outpouring of emotions. In his arms I felt a sense of warmth and that I knew I would not be able to lose this man. It won't work, God....

When the kiss ended, and we stared at each other in the garden's colorful glow, I told her I loved her very much. "I love you so much, My HansH. I don't want to live without you, I want to live with you. So please.. Can you accept me now, with nothing to do with the past? Can you make me the new Alisah, Alisah with no memories of the past? If you can, I want us to start our new love, our present love, please, please...? Tell me that you can accept the Alisah that is now in front of you. Please say?"

"Yes, I can." HansH nodded uncontrollably, his tears were as pure as mine and there was a happy smile on his face. "I can. Ilove you. I love you without remembering the past. I love you."

I shed my tears and I looked back into her eyes. "Please promise me you won't bring up the past and you're willing to set a new future with me, please?"

"Yes, Alisah. Yep. I promise you. I promise, there is only the present and the future in this relationship. I promise." HansH held me tight. "I'm sorry, yeah. Please don't cry anymore."

Thank you, My HansH. I hope you will never forget these words. When you find out the truth, I hope you will love me this deep.