Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Everything's Changing

I'm planning on staying at Neha's apartment tonight. Sanjeev agreed. But in the last moments, he changed everything. Everything.

"Eric, can you get Neha back to her apartment?" pinta Kak Sanjeev on one of his best friends. "Zia will come home with me."

Practically, disappointment ambushed my stomach. "I want to stay at Neha's place."

"There's something I want to talk to you about. Important."

Eric exchanged glances with Sanjeev and raised his hand. "I'm whatever. We're in the same direction anyway."

"Why not talk first?" sela Neha's. "I can wait."

Sanjeev insisted on his wish. "It's better Neha is with you, Eric. I mean, I'm not sure we need a little time to talk. Please, Neha?"

Neha obviously did not heed my voiceless plea so as not to let this happen. He nodded in agreement. "See you later."

Argha! I watched helplessly as my friends quickly left me and an excruciating silence ensued between me and Brother Sanjeev. He just stood there, frozen in place, staring at me. What am I supposed to do now? I avoided her gaze, turning my gaze to the nearly full yellow-wheeled trash can, suddenly feeling lethargic. Kuralat, growing listless. I flicked my feet to restore blood circulation to the toes, which tonight endured three challenges of standing for hours, running from the crowd, and now freezing in the early hours of Christmas. One thing is for sure, if I want to get home before sunrise then I have to kind of force this man in front of me.

Yep, Brother Sanjeev opened his mouth to say something but I got there first.

"Then let's go. We're not gonna talk here, are we?" it was my best attempt to behave normally, considering I was very exhausted and very cold.

He looked at me for a moment, frowned, then climbed into the driver's seat without saying a word.

"Good job!" I murmured to myself as I climbed up to the passenger side, gasping at the scent that burst out from the trash.

With eyes fixed on the road ahead, Brother Sanjeev started the engine and we went into the freezing darkness.

"So, what does Brother want to talk about? I think we've come to the point of concluding what we're going to do tomorrow."

Sanjeev shook his head and turned towards me. "There's a lot I want to say, but I've been brainwashing ever since we set out to decide where to start."

I took a breath. "What do you want to talk about? We talked, even though Brother left, the point is we have a plan for what we will do tomorrow. So, what else?"

"There's a mistake, Zia. I realize that." He swallowed with difficulty. "I hate that there is something invisible between us. I want to tell you that I won't let him stay there forever. It won't."

I don't get it. Observing Mr. Sanjeev's face in the darkness, the street lights we passed highlighted his face with alternating waves of orange light and dark shadows. His face was completely expressionless, but there was something in his eyes that I did not fully understand.

I'm throats. "I don't understand what you mean."

"I'll explain when we get home, okay? Now let me focus on driving."

And that's what happened. I let it go and we were stuck in silence again until we got home.

"So?" I asked as soon as the car engine was turned off.

Sanjeev leaned back in his chair for a moment and turned to face me. Holding my hands tightly together, he said, "Zia, I realize my mistake. I'm sorry."

"Emm?" My forehead shrinks.

"Yes, I'm so selfish of you. I realized that. I'm sorry, please?"

"So?" I smiled a little, good hopes began to seep into my mind. "Sister won't ask me for a face-surgery"

Just the same, my pain did not diminish. Sister Sanjeev talked about changing the face as easy as wearing a mask, staying used and then removed again.

"I'm sorry, yeah. Maybe my words at the party really hurt your heart. I. I know,"-he's a little sobbing- "I should be able to accept that Alisah is gone, and I... I shouldn't be selfish hoping for him to come back from someone else. That's incorrect. I'm mistaken. You..just stay yourself. You're Zia. I won't ask you to be Alisah forever. Only limited to the mission to destroy HansH and find the perpetrator who harmed Alisah and his family. That'sallthatis. After that, our mission is complete. Zia's identity will return."

I swallowed all my disappointment. "Sister is done talking? Hm? Why can't you understand, anyway? We had a deal, didn't we? I'm going to try to approach HansH with this face, my face, with myself, and we'll see HansH's response. I'm sure, I can slowly get close to him."

She shook her head, she looked me in the eye fixedly and was silent for a moment. "Listen to me, honey. Think about what I'm going to say this well. You can't use your real identity. Your identity must remain hidden, as well as my identity. HansH, or anyone from the Mahesvara family, no one should know about Zia and Sanjeev. Our identity is our own and it is our secret. If you use your real identity, it means they will know everything about you, who you are, who your family is, and eventually they will find me. I don't want that. Youunderstand? My only purpose is to destroy HansH and his family, as well as to reveal Alisah's death. I don't want a shred of my father's property, nor the name and honor of the Mahesvara family. But they also have no right to any of that. They have to lose everything. If you get all that treasure, you can donate it, whichever way. In essence, they had to lose everything, to zero. There's nothing left. After that, you and I, we'll both go back to India. To our old lives. Our little world. Zia and Sanjeev, without a trace, without Alisah's identity. Just you and me. No one will know if we were instrumental in destroying the Mahesvara family. You gotit? Your face and your identity will return to how it was. I-i promise. And most importantly of all, our lives will return to how they were. Zia and Sanjeev, we'll be happy again like we used to be, as a happy little family. You want to, right?"

"I...."

"Zia?"

"I understand what Brother means. But...."

"Zia?"

"Sister, this-"

"Nearly twenty years, Zia, that long. You're a little girl of about four years old, a little girl I loved to this age, have I ever rejected your wishes? Did I ever say no to you just once? What ever? Answer me."

I'm shaking.

"Do you remember the times we spent in this relationship? How do I play well as your sister? Every time you get into trouble, who is behind you? When you make a mistake, who will take the punishment for you? Have I ever defended myself in front of my father and mother to cover up your mistakes? Answer me, Zia."

I'm shaking.

"And now think about this, all my life, for your sake, for the sake of making yourself a top priority in my life other than father and mother, I'm willing that no lover should be at home with me, because you're always the top priority in my life. Not anyone else. And, Zia, my love and affection for you all this time, it is far greater than the love and affection of a lover. You can feel that, right?"

I'm nodding. I don't know when my tears are flowing.

"With everything I do and give you, as your only family, other than your homemade cake and asking for your time to accompany me, have I ever asked for anything else, anything other than this? Never, Zia. Just this time I asked you for something of this magnitude, only this time, from all the years we've spent together, only this time I ask for your sacrifice. This time only. Please, just this time? I'll never ask you for anything more. It won't."

Surrender. I don't deserve to refuse anymore. Although not a desire, but this has become a necessity.

"alright. I'll do it."

"Really?"

"Yes, I would do anything for Brother."

A wide smile crossed over Brother Sanjeev's face as he hugged me.

"Please promise me that once this is over, we'll-"

Her fingers were stuck to my lips when the hug ended. Brother Sanjeev nodded. "We're going back to our real lives. I promise," he said. He raised his hand to stroke my cheek and I closed my eyes as his face approached, he kissed me for the first time....

Nothing!

I don't feel anything. There was no strange beatings or happy feelings after our lips touched. Even this was very different from how I felt when HansH kissed me, when it only happened in my dreams.

What's wrong with me? Why is it like this?