Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Finally

We have been back to our old house for two days. The same house that we've been living in for the last few years, me and Brother Sanjeev. But now there's Aunt Heera and Parvani and my three children. This house is crowded, but still in one corner of my heart feels lonely. Something is missing and becoming less. I lost her and her love that was no longer mine. HansH, I miss him. I miss him very much....

If only you knew that, My HansH. If you could accept my feelings regardless of who I am. If only....

"Hi, Young Mama."

Ah, that loud voice sprinkled a hint of happiness in my heart. Neha, my best friend, this morning visited. Yesterday when he found out about me, he took the time to call me on the phone and forced me to explain everything to him. But since yesterday he was busy and could not meet me, so only today he can visit me. As always, with a variety of processed seafood cooked with extra spicy spices.

"Here, I brought you a special one. A young mother should be happy. You should not feel stressed especially. Not good for your ASI. I don't want my nieces and nephews to get hit. Okay?"

I nodded to him. He chatted at length, trying to show himself like he had been, his cheerful self, but in the end he cried too.

"I hate him so much" Neha said sobbing in my arms. "If he shows up in front of me, I'll hit him in the leg and break his fucking stick. He thinks who he is. Men do not know themselves. He should be grateful that you're willing to take care of him. It's not like divorcing you like this. I don't accept. Just watch him. He had to accept the consequences because he dared to hurt my best friend. Guy sucks!"

Ughhhh! Neha's rant entertained me. It's not good, but on the positive side, he's like that because he loves me so much. I smiled at him.

"You're done babbling it? Hm? Now I want to eat, I'm hungry. Can we go to the kitchen?"

The girl wiped her tears. "You just eat here" he said. "I brought a lot, really. It's been brought by Aunt Heera into the kitchen for everyone. I just want to be here. I miss these little babies."

Well, fine. I let Neha stroke and kiss her nephew's cheeks one by one, and she held Malika who was still awake. In the meantime I'm using my free time to taste the extra spicy seafood brought by him.

"You're evil, yes," he went back to babbling. "It's been almost a year that you've kept your suffering from me a secret. I was surprised to hear that HansH wanted to divorce you. You should have told me everything. Don't suffer yourself...."

I'm nodding. I understood Neha's extreme piety. "If you're married, you'll understand, not all the disgrace in your household will you tell others. Including me."

"Yes, yeah, all right. I-i understand. But, you should have. I mean, your household has not been in good shape for a long time. You should be able to get through this hard, right? Sadness is certain, but this is not a sudden thing, so...?"

Convoluted. I understand what he means. "Don't worry about my situation. I have plenty of reasons to survive. Losing one love won't make me fall and ignore the other love I have."

"Love Brother Sanjeev?"

"Yes. One of them is love, Sanjeev. I still have the figure of a man who will always protect me."

"Thank God. I'm glad to hear that. Maybe your old beliefs are not wrong. Sanjeev's brother is your true love."

Eh?

"What, the hell, are you? Don't misinterpret that. Brother Sanjeev my brother, will forever remain as a brother. Nothing will change. Besides, what suits Brother Sanjeev is you. An energetic girl who could print a dozen babies. You'll be able to."

Ahaha! Neha's laughter exploded. "Come, Zia. She'd die young if she had a dozen babies with me."

Oops! Is he self-conscious? Eh?

Oh my goodness, you Neha. Her laughter woke my twins.

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

The deg!

Nandini's voice made me sculpt. He stood at the door of my room and said, "I miss my nieces and nephews. Can I come in?"

"Em." I'm nodding. "Please" I said.

I don't know why, I'm nervous about a bad possibility. HansH must have told all about me to Nandini and Sheveni, I thought. Everyone who knew nothing, now for sure...

"Son HansH told me everything."

"Oh, yeah, that's good. It should be. And.. I hope he told me in the same version as I told Kak Sanjeev and Parvani."

"of course. He doesn't blame you. So did I and the others. Sheveni doesn't blame you either. You're just a victim. And do you know, Sheveni said your story was interesting. He doesn't hate Zia like he hates Alisah. He's kind of weird, huh?"

Geez, we giggle amusedly.

"By the way, my brother's outside."

Huh huh?

"He wants to talk to you alone. Can, right?"

I'm riveted. Not nod. Not assented. Meanwhile, Nandini had taken Malaika from her bed and took Neha who was still holding Malika out of my room. Then Aunt Heera came in, with HansH beside her.

Oh my God... Why did HansH come here? What does he want to talk to me about? Hopefully not to discuss custody. I hope....

"Your husband wants to talk. Solve your problems well, will you?"

Hmm. My heart beats incoherently. I could only freeze and mute, slipping away as Aunt Heera took Malik out of her bed, and then she came out and closed my door. Leaving HansH and me. Just the two of them in a closed room....

"May I sit down? I can't stand for long with this stick."

But wait a minute...

"A soft bed."

Ew! How is he sitting on my bed?

Never mind. I shook my head and I sat at the end of the sofa, beside my bed. In front of HansH. A minute away from his sitting position. "What do you want to talk about?" ask me to start the conversation.

"I love you."

"Eh?"

"I love you, baby."

I want to smile. I want to laugh. But my memory of what happened two days ago instantly broke my heart and hope.

No. gabe. No. gabe. Don't expect it anymore, Zia. Two days ago, when you woke up, the warmth of that night was clearly still feeling all over your body. But the divorce papers destroyed everything. Now do not repeat the same mistake. Don'tdon't....

"I love you, I'm fully aware of my feelings. And I can't live without you. I'm used to you. You do this, you do that, you do everything for me. I'm dependent on you, Zia. I can't live without you. I was stupid to let you go. I'm stupid. I regret. Really, Zia. I regret. All these months, I've been trying to live with you with your real identity, but I told you that I can't just because you're not Alisah. But yesterday, only two days I tried to live without you, it turns out I was much less able. Everything feels hard. No one is always as alert as you. No one is always standing by my side. Especially at night, myself. It's all so hard, I have to do everything myself. All this time, not so. There's always you I ask for help. There are you who are always alert even though I never thank you for my selfishness. Now that I realize, I need you so much. I realized I couldn't live without you. Please come back to me, Zia. Don't leave me. Need you. Would help?"

Excuse me. I can't react. I've been too scared. Fear....

"Zia, come here, please...?"

"Sorry, HansH...."

"Please, I need you."

"Not enough of that."

"Zoe...."

"I want acceptance."

"I accept you."

"I'm not Alisah."

"I accept you as yourself. I accept you for who you are."

"And love. I want to be loved. I want you to love me and not just talk. But from the heart."

"alright. I can love you now. I'll show you how much I love you. I will show my love in my own way. By making love. I'm gonna fucking craze you. How long you want."

Argha!

"Basic man is insane! You're a pervert!"

Bugs!

Geez, regardless of where the power came from, HansH was able to jerk my hand within the reach of his helping hand with just a slight movement. In a quick flash he managed to pull me up until I fell on the bed and he overcame me.

"Now...?"

"What?"

"I want to love you."

"Then give me the divorce papers and ask me for an autograph?"

"will not. I'll never do that again. I'm not gonna hurt you again. Even I swear to God, I will always make you happy. For God's sake."

Ughhhh!

"Slowly...! Sickness, know...!"

"So we made up?"

"Akh!"

"Say, yes. Otherwise, I'll force it!"

"ouch!"

Basic man mesuuuuuum...! He didn't even give me time to answer.