Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Bismillah....

After the numbness of December and January, an unexpectedly warm February was a welcome surprise. The approaching weather of spring enveloped everything, curing the stress of winter. Mornings are brighter, birds like singing louder, and people smile more often when passing in the street, even in the cemetery.

In Muslim clothes deliberately prepared by HansH, he invited me to fulfill the obligation of a child to make pilgrimages to the graves of parents. Although from the bottom of my heart I realized that what I did was a lie, but I no longer tried to avoid it. I followed the wishes of HansH who was eager to take me to the funeral of his father and mother Alisah.

"Are you ready?" HansH stood before me with a white veil in hand.

I'm nodding. "Yes" I said. "Emm... Do I have to.. wear that veil too?"

"certain." HansH smiled widely, then, unexpectedly, he stretched the white veil and put it on me, to my head.

This scene was fairly market-wise, but somehow, to me - not from the romantic side, but rather how HansH wanted to hold my hand and pull me into his world, and, to his love heaven, to his, I feel very touched. There's something more than pure taste, but I don't understand what or why.

"Beautiful," HansH praised me, his black eyes sparkling, looking at me with all love. "Mrs Alisah HansH Mahesvara, Angel of Surgaku."

The deg!

I was standing stiff there, in front of HansH at such a close distance. My breath choked, but this time in a different sense. Again, not just because of his romantic attitude. But there was something more, that touched my heart.

"Active?"

"Emm?"

"Go back to your true self, Alisah. Both your parents long for the prayers of their godly son. And for me.:" -- she tidied up my veil and then held my shoulders - "become a godly wife to me, huh? I promise, I'll fix myself for you too."

"Thank you." HansH took a deep breath, smiling like a 500kw floodlight. "You gave me immeasurable happiness. I love you so much, Alisah."

Alisha. Since this morning, even though he has called me by that name a thousand times, not a single bit more have I been disturbed or overwhelmed. I can already accept that HansH loves me even though he sees me in Alisah.

Moved, I took a deep breath and I said, "Can you hug me? Just a second, please?"

"certain." HansH hugged me. It held me so tightly, so warm, without the slightest lust. Not at all.

And my happiness now feels perfect.

Oh my God, am I wrong if I want to be a whole Alisah? Is it wrong if I can't be honest with HansH about who I am at a time when this relationship is going to start further? I know my lie is clearly wrong, but I can't possibly be honest with HansH, let alone with everyone. My honesty would destroy everything, destroy this new life that I wanted....

"So, can we go now?"

I'm nodding. With a racing heartbeat, in my heart I steadied my pace. I'm trying to get to know you, God. Allow me to get to know you....

"Bismillah, dear."

Bismilbornrahmaanirrahim. Hold tight my hand, My HansH. Embrace me to his path.