Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Dilanda Confused

What would you do if you were in my position? Tell HansH by showing him the two-striped testpack despite the risk that you'll be accused of having an affair, maybe even your head will be poked with a gun? Or, you'll keep quiet, maybe you think you'll find the right time to talk like the stories in the soap opera?

I spent a lot of time in the bathroom thinking, making decisions. But still nothing. I don't know what to do, while the beating in my heart grows. Exceedingly...

"Darling...."

Oh my God, HansH's voice made me sweat cold.

"Can you hurry up a little, honey?"

I'm throats. "Yes," I said. I focused on what I had to do now: I dumped the collected urine and I hid the two-striped testpack into the plastic. And I cleaned and then cleaned. But...

Ah, my prayers are not solemn'. I can't shake the burden on my mind right now. I was crying in anxiety.

"What's wrong?" hansh asked after we prayed and I kissed the back of her hand. "Tell me, what's weighing on your heart?"

Boost. I can't answer.

"Honey," HansH said again. "I know you're restless. Something's weighing on your heart, isn't it? Am I right? Hm? Do not bear the burden yourself. Share with me."

Oh, my crying is getting more and more.

"Now tell me. Compulsory! I'm your husband, and I deserve to know anything about my wife."

But it's heavy....

"Darling?"

"I love you."

"Lo's? Why do you say love?"

"I love you so much."

"I knew. I love you so much too."

"I love you so much, HansH. Very." Very."

"Yes. I know, Honey. I believe."

"I've never cheated on you."

Practically his forehead shriveled. "Are we talking about cheating? Why you-"

"Do you believe it?"

"Wait a minute, answer first why you-"

"I'm loyal to you."

"Darling-"

"I've never touched anyone else."

"Yes, I believe."

"I've never cheated, not once."

"Dear, relax. You don't-"

"Do you believe in my loyalty?"

"Why, anyway, are you this?"

"My answer, do you believe in my loyalty?"

"Yes, I believe. But why you-"

"Do you believe I've never been touched by another man?"

"Shhh..," HansH put his fingers on my lips. "Quiet, huh? Shut up, okay?"

I nodded with tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Listen to me, honey. I trust you. I believe in your loyalty. And I believe that you've never been touched by another man. Okay well? I trust you so much."

I'm nodding. "Then, about your health. Your fertility? Are you lying to me?"

"Darling...?" Again the handsome face grinned, perhaps astonished at once rather startled. But his voice remained calm.

Could it be that if I said that I was pregnant, she wouldn't put a gun to my head?

"I'm not lying to you."

"Honest! Please be honest with me."

"I'm being honest."

"No! You lied!"

"Why are you?"

"You just don't want to have kids from me, do you?"

"No. It's not. You-"

"So you're not barren?"

HansH was silent for a moment. "You why?" ask her as soon as she opens her voice back. "I don't understand what you mean. Whahuh? Wh why? What's wrong with you?"

"You're not barren, are you?"

"Darling...."

"Jawab it."

"That's a fact. Should I present you with evidence?"

"HansH, speak honestly. I beg?"

"All right." HansH stands. "Let me show you the evidence."

Oh my God, millions of flavors are stirring my stomach. Irritated, resentful, upset, and the like.

"It." HansH showed me the documents from the map he had taken from his briefcase. There are several sheets of paper, copies of HansH's health reports from various hospitals both from within the country and from overseas hospitals. Hospital in Singapore and the United States. "You look at this one, this is the latest report I've done on Malika's DNA test" he said, showing a new file. "I deliberately tested again because I hoped the results would be different from previous examinations. I fooled myself. I wish there was a miracle. There's miracles. But what is it? The result is the same. Now you're satisfied? Do you still not believe me?"

I stared at the sheets of paper with a wounded feeling - old wounds that were getting sicker and deeper. Gaping more. Also the effect of HansH words like sharp needles that are increasingly embedded deeper. My heart's sore.

"Now answer me, what's wrong with you?"

I looked at him, I was glad of all the fear that was running through my mind. "I'm pregnant" I said. "For God's sake, whose son is this if not your son? I have never had sex with another man. Never is."

For a moment HansH's reaction seemed startled, rather disbelieving - which I believed he was not surprised by the pregnancy, but rather: my statement - as if a statement had appeared in his mind, why does his wife say she is pregnant?

That's what I caught from the blinds in his eyes, from the confusion that was clearly illustrated even if only for a moment.

Is correct. HansH's shock reaction to my statement was not excessive, and was only momentary. The reaction astonished me. For, there, on that handsome face, I have no suspicion at all: let me not hold a gun, let alone accuse me of cheating, he has not even shown the slightest confidence in my statement about this pregnancy. HansH just clenched his lips tightly, then he closed his eyes for a moment while sighing deeply. "You can't get pregnant, honey."

"Hansa!"

"You're testing it with a testpack?"

"Yes. Results positive!"

"Not the USG results, are they?"

I shook weakly.

"Now listen to me. Not that the testpack comes line two you're definitely pregnant. Not necessarily. Not that you eat rujak means you crave. And that doesn't mean you're nauseous, vomiting and not feeling well, it doesn't mean you're pregnant. That's why I told you to go see a doctor, so we'd know what you were sick about. So you're not gonna assume like this. You won't test your urine with a testpack. And you wouldn't expect this."

It broke my heart to hear that long speech. Tears are breaking. But I can't argue a bit. I have no concrete evidence other than my two-striped red testpack.

Oh my....

"That's it. We'll be in the hospital later. I'll be accompanied, okay? This afternoon I have to go to the office first. There's an important meeting I can't leave. It's okay, right?"

I'm nodding. But I haven't had time to answer HansH's call, my phone vibrates. There's a miscall from Aunt Heera. It turned out that he had sent a whatsapp message earlier.

》 Alisah, have you retested your pregnancy? How outcome? Positive? Let Auntie know how it turned out, yeah. Okay well? I hope there is good news.

Oh God. Very enthusiastic about Aunt Heera. But this is impossible, right? How could I be pregnant if HansH...? Not likely....

《 The testpack test result is positive as well, Bi. Just like yesterday. But to make sure, it's noon that HansH and I are going to the hospital to do an ultrasound. So don't announce it yet, yeah, Bi. Keep this a secret from everyone.

》 Thankful. Hope this is really good news, yeah, honey. Aunt wishes you all the best.

But this is impossible, Bi. Not likely....

"Darling, we're going to the hospital in the afternoon, right? So we know what pain you're in."

Oh... am I really sick, not pregnant...?