Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Bitter Reality

In the silence afterward, I could still feel HansH's body pressing against the bed beside me. I rolled to the side quietly, inviting her to arch and hug me, to lock her arms completely around my body, as she had done all this time, since marriage tied our love.

The day was approaching now, less than thirty minutes away, and I could hear HansH's raucous breathing coming in and out of his chest. I could smell the man's sweat on his body, as well as the stench of his manhood mixed with mine. It was a pleasant and earthy scent, very unlike the expensive fragrances he used to wear. However, I found it just as enticing. Invitingly, I hooked my legs back, arching them around her ankles.

Nevertheless, my man was still lying by my side, staring up at the ceiling, barely touching me.

"I love you," I muttered into the bedcloth.

As if replying to me, HansH got up smoothly from the bed and stepped silently across the carpet towards the table. Not paying much attention to what he was doing, I realized HansH's weight was pressing the bed back, and he rolled towards me.

With a profoundly satisfying vibe, I placed *my butt in the groove of HansH's hip. HansH's hand came circling my body.

"Honey," she whispered, her lips pressed behind my ears. "Do you love me? Do you love... me?"

I rolled back and went into his arms at that moment. "Yes," I answered, my voice wavering but sure.

"I know.." for a moment, HansH's voice choked back. "I know I've talked a lot, already...." He shook his head uneasily, then cleared his throat slowly. "I want us to talk seriously."

I'm nodding.

"I'm putting my heart on you. And I trust you, without limits."

Distraught, I stared across the bed cover into my husband's eyes, letting my finger rise to caress his cheek. "I don't understand. Can you just explain it to me without confusing me?"

"I don't want any false self-esteem or half-trust between us. For truly, by God, I want us to be together forever, until we age together. But there's something you need to know. I don't want any more lies. Anything, or even the smallest. I want to be honest with you."

I closed my eyes. "Do you not want a child in our marriage?"

She shook her head. "I really want it if I can."

Huh huh? Meanin?

I looked at HansH with a million questions, flabbergasted. "You mean... what? If you could...? What do you mean...My HansH? Why can't it?"

"I'm not a perfect husband."

Under the dim light of the lamp, I blinked, sitting down to follow HansH. "But. but I don't understand." I said. Although there was a thought that made me guess.

Have no choice. So, HansH forced himself to tell me. He told me the truth, "I'm a barren man who can't give you offspring."

My world collapsed instantly. And for a moment I was unable to say. It's disappointing, it breaks me, and I'm angry. But at that moment sanity could still keep me in control of myself and my ego, and I knew I was fully aware that I was not worthy to judge HansH's helplessness, nor God who outlined his destiny so badly.

So I can only cry.

"I'm sorry, Alisah, Zia. I'm sorry...." She shook her head. "I'm not perfect. And I know I was wrong. I'm selfish. It's like trapping you in this imperfect marriage. I'm selfish. Sorry...."

I ran to the bathroom.

Ii'm sorry. I have not been able to accept this reality. Give me some time, My HansH. Give me some time. Just give me some time. That'sthat's all. I knew I'd be able to understand all this. I will always be with you. But I need some time. Because obviously, none of this is easy for me at all. I'm sorry, HansH. Ii'm sorry....