Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Positive Testpack

Baffled. I just stood straight in front of the mirror, on the bathroom sink counter. It feels stupid if I really have to test the testpack that is now in my hands. Of course I'm not pregnant, right? It is possible to get pregnant if my husband says that he is an imperfect man, who will not be able to give me offspring. Unless I was having an affair and having sex with another man, a healthy and fertile man, who spilled his seedlings into my womb, I could be pregnant then the story goes. Kan doesn't. I only had sex with HansH-my husband, a man who claimed to be imperfect. So, I might be pregnant. So, should I really test this testpack?

I was thinking of dipping the tip of the testpack into a tub of water, into plain water, instead of my urine. But...

Why do I feel, if I do that, my lie grows bigger? Wh why?

If I really test this pregnancy test kit with my urine and the results are negative, at least my lie is not double-double, right? I just kept covering up the truth about what HansH and I kept secret from everyone. And about my testpack that later the results are definitely negative, anyway I'm not lying, right? I actually did a test even though I already knew the results, right?

Yeah, I thought so.

It's okay, Zia. Even if it feels stupid, at least you actually did the test and didn't add to your list of lies. Just do it, Zia. Justdoit. Really test this testpack with your urine. Okay well? Embrace it!

And I really did. Kutampung my urine, I opened my testpack wrapper, and I submerged the tip. This pregnancy test I really did!

Hufth, already! I also took a deep breath.

Well, I don't have to wait, or huff, or feel anxious like most women do a pregnancy test. I already know the answer, and I don't need to look at that red line. Well the line one, let alone the line two, right? It would only hurt my feelings. It hurts my feelings more. I don't need to see it!

After getting dressed, I reached for the testpack that lay on the counter, then opened the door and went out of the toilet.

Hopeful faces are now in front of me. Oh my....

"How about, Sister-in-law?"

I don't have to pretend to be sad in front of them. Because sadness is natural. It's not a pretense.

"Sorry," I said. I gave the testpack in my hand to Nandini. With a clear grain that I could not hold, I could not prevent, I let my tears spill over my face. "I'm sorry..," I sobbed.

With a pity, Aunt Heera hugged me. Stroked my long hair and said, "It's okay, son. Don't despair, yeah. We have to keep trying."

"Goddessa. Sister-in-law, this is positive!"

Huh huh?

Practically me and Aunt Heera let go of each other's hugs. "Don't joke, Nandini...."

"Eh, no. I mean, yeah no, I'm not kidding, Sister-in-law." Smile and nervousness due to happiness overshadowed the face of Nandini. He immediately handed the testpack to me and said, "Look at this if you don't believe it. Line two. Then you're positively pregnant."

No way, my mind. I shake my head. Feeling disbelief in reality. Impossible, I thought. Obviously HansH said he had fertility problems, didn't he? He himself said that he could not give-or-get offspring.

No. gabe. I was like this - my reaction was like this - - not to be displeased with the fetus that God had left me if I was really pregnant, but obviously I was shocked, shocked, and logic refused. Is it possible that miracles can break medical? Say can. But this is too absurd.

"Congratulations, dear."

"Congratulations, Son."

And the other words uttered by the three women in Aunt Heera's pavilion room I could no longer hear. I'm dazed. What possible...? The question kept swirling around in my mind.

L'm...

I'm thrilled. Yeah, I'm happy. I know it: I'm happy. I know I'm happy. But, I cannot deny, at an angle in the depths of the recesses of my heart - logic is still able to control itself.

Don't hope, Zia. Don't get your hopes up. Maybe there was a mistake. Maybe the testpack is problematic, or maybe your urine is not normal. Don't be so hopeful, yeah. You will be disappointed later.

But what if you're really pregnant? said a voice in my head, which definitely represents your question, your question - the question of all of us.

If it is true that I am pregnant, then I will be grateful, my mind. I'll be very grateful. I will repay God's kindness to me by doing good deeds. I pledge. I promise you, Lord....

"Sister-in-law? Hey, why? How is your reaction so strange? You're too uptight, aren't you?" Nandini looked at me fully in search, but a moment later her smile quickly re-expanded. "You're nervous because you're about to become the real mother of your biological child, hmm? Relax, Sister-in-law. I also experienced it at that time."

I'm shaking. "I'm happy," I said. "I'm grateful. I just. I really didn't expect. It's like a dream."

"That's natural, really," said Aunt Heera who was now back near me. Embrace me like a mother embracing her daughter. "Congratulations, yes, dear. Aunt is very happy."

I gulped. I tried to smile even though it was hard. "Emm... This... is not yet one hundred percent accurate, right? This isn't my first urine today. I mean. let me check back tomorrow, to make sure the results are more accurate. It's all right, right? I'll check with my first urine tomorrow morning. So please. emm. Especially with HansH. Would help?"

"But why, son?"

"Yes, why, Sister-in-law?"

"It's okay, Bi, Nandini," I replied quickly in agitation. "I. I just don't want HansH to be disappointed if it turns out the results are different. Anyway please don't tell me first, okay? I'll check back tomorrow. You guys get it, right? I beg?"

Aunt Heera nodded in understanding. "How about we just check straight to the clinic? Surely accurate, right? We can leave now. How's it?"

No. gabe. Can't do. I can't be rash. I should be able to check it out myself without anyone else. Anybody. But later, not now.

"Sorry, Bi. Later, yeah? After I check tomorrow, if the results are positive, then we check directly to the clinic. Yea? Would help?"

Ah, if they knew the turbulent taste inside the chest. How can the test result be positive?

I have to do a retest!