Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
December Grey

Twenty years, that long. You're the little four-year-old girl I loved up to this age, have I ever rejected your wishes? Did I ever say no to you just once? What ever? Anwser me.

Remember the times we spent in this relationship? How do I play well as your sister? Every time you get into trouble, who is behind you? When you make a mistake, who will take the punishment for you? Have I ever defended myself in front of my father and mother to cover up your mistakes? Answer me, Zia.

And now think about this, all my life, for your sake, for the sake of making yourself a top priority in my life other than father and mother, I'm willing that no lover should be at home with me, because you're always the top priority in my life. Not anyone else. And, Zia, my love and affection for you all this time, it is far greater than the love and affection of a lover. You can feel that, right? With everything I did and gave you, as your only family, other than your homemade cake and asking for your time to accompany me, did I ever ask for something else, something big other than this? Never, Zia. Just this time I asked you for something of this magnitude, only this time, from all the years we've spent together, only this time I ask for your sacrifice. This time only. Please, just this time? I'll never ask you for anything more. It won't.

Damn it!

Sis Sanjeev's words last night kept ringing in my mind. Almost drove me crazy!

Oh my God, I'm confused. I'm distressed. All because of debt.

Why have my feelings changed too? And that kiss..Why don't I feel anything? Why is there no strange beatings or happy feelings after our lips touched? What's wrong with me? Why is it like this?

Without me knowing, it was as if everything had changed. Everything really confused me. I need to calm down. Traveling far away, that's the answer.

So, the next morning, as thick fog enveloped the city center, I pulled my bike out of the train station. After the whole emotion of the last few days I need to clear my mind.

In the dim December sun, which was so gray to me, the fields that stretched and the villages like paintings that swarmed along the way remained extraordinarily beautiful. Mesmerizing. A quiet place as an escape. I've taken the route to Kungsbury several times since Mr. Sanjeev first persuaded me and Neha to join his cycling activities.

While crossing the beautiful village of Shustoke, a thought swirled in my mind: HansH. The passion from her body that was so close to me, and the fond memories of me being in her arms, feeling the roar of her breath that swept across my face, as well as the kiss that was happening in my dreams, it was starting to drive me crazy. The figure of HansH now seems to follow me like a shadow. And I began to worry about myself, how could I focus on my mission if it continued to affect me? I won't be able to focus.

Approaching my destination, I crossed a small curved bridge that stretched over the canal. As soon as I arrived on the other side and was about to turn away from the main road, I froze.

In front of me, about fifty meters away from where I was, a familiar figure to my eyes stood firm with a cell phone in hand. I blinked a few times, sure my mind was playing tricks on me. How could that man be here, this early, in the place where I am? Oh my....

Panic stung all over my body considering that I was not wearing a mask at the moment. As Sanjeev asked me, HansH cannot see Zia's face. Other than the name, HansH should not know anything else about Zia. At all.

I immediately turned around and left the place. Stay away from HansH.

The day after, I met Neha for coffee. We walked down the side of the river from his apartment to George, a canal-boat cafe in Brindley Place.

"If I may say, I feel like there's something strange about you" Neha said, dipping a cinnamon biscuit in her coffee froth. "I feel like there's something I don't know. I don't know what, but it looks like something's happened to you, and you're keeping that from me."

You're a great friend, Neha. Thank ye. I forced myself to smile at him and said, "I'm going back to India."

"What?" Neha's eyes widened. "I didn't hear wrong? You're just kidding, right?"

I shook my head, watching the two ducks float casually across the window.

"Why? To stay away from Sanjeev? Aren't you guys...?"

"We're doing fine. Just...." I'm shaking. I can't lie to you, Neha. Not much more.

"Come on. You don't have to go back to India. You can stay with me. And as for how you feel about Brother Sanjeev, it will definitely go away with time. You can replace it with another love. The others...? Hmm?"

Neha's cheeks flushed. "Oh, stop! Mr. Hansa! HansH Mahesvara!"

Hearing about that handsome man alone had already caused a ripple of joy within me. But the truth is, he's the man I had to ruin his life for for Sanjeev's sister, the only family I had, who cared for and loved me from when I was little. And that was my decision.

"I don't want to think about love just yet. After all, where would a soul mate go, right? We'll definitely meet again."

Sadness rolled back on Neha's face. "When are you going back to India?" tanyakanya.

"After the new year's night."

"Truly undoable?"

"I'm only gone for a while, buddy. Anyway, we can keep up with the phone. And don't forget, keep me informed about Mr. Hansa. Who knows when I get back, he's still alone. Hmm?"

Depressing. This joke is not funny at all. Neha and I were trapped in tears of sadness.

"Tell me when you're going. I'll take you to the airport."

My God, he wants to drive me?

"Zia...?"

"OKAY. But just to the parking lot, yeah. Or I won't be able to part with you."

"If it can keep you from leaving, I will. I'm more than willing to part with you."

Oh, Neha. I had to lie. I'm not going to India, but to Korea to change my face.

"Promise, you won't be gone long? HansH will definitely be waiting for you, you know! I'm sure that man is your true love."

He's kidding. Should I guarantee his prayer?

"My prayers are answered."

"meaning?"

"HansH is here, behind you."

"What's? Seriously?"

I put my mask back on, and I'll get out of there.