Mr. HansH (Ishq Mein Marjawan)
Positive!

The positive test made it hard to sleep. I'm fretting. I'm restless. God, I'll get sick if this is the case. I can't take sleeping pills with the Malaika I have to take. I'm afraid HansH won't wake up when Malika cries from hunger. But..my state of being unable to sleep actually makes my mind more buana, wandering far away.

What if it's really positive?

What if I'm actually pregnant?

How about...?

Hows it?

Those questions keep bothering me. It was difficult, pinning me on a new problem: how would HansH react if he knew I was pregnant? Is he going to believe me? Will he believe that miracles really exist? Or rather... he would have thought that I had an affair with another man until I finally became pregnant with the child of another man?

Oh, naw. Please don't be that cruel to me, Lord....

Why does it have to be like this? Wh why? I know it's an amazing gift - it's so amazing. But really, it's hard for me to carry. This situation will be very different if you are the one who is sentenced to be infertile, but know I am pregnant. Well, it's really a miracle that could break a medical, isn't it?

But this is actually my husband who was sentenced to be infertile, then I was pregnant? I can't predict how HansH's response will be. I'm so scared, God. I'm really very scared. Will HansH believe me or doubt me?

Why is it so hard for me to predict HansH's reaction later? Can he receive, or at least be patient until finally our baby is born and he can do a DNA test?

Please, Lord, don't make it emotional and end up killing me. Oh. cruel....

Wait a minute, another thought infiltrated my mind. What if it turns out HansH lied to me? If it turns out that he has no problems with fertility, of course he can fertilize my uterus, right? But if so, why would he lie? Is it because he doesn't want to have a child with me? Butwhy? Is it because he doesn't want to be a father? Or because he felt he was a man with dirty blood? He feels himself insulted because he was born from a cheating partner? From a mother who snatched another woman's husband? Is that so? Or.. lest he not know the truth? Maybe he did the test and the test results were wrong? Exchanging it? Or whatever? Maybe the examination was wrong so the doctor dropped the wrong verdict? It could be, right?

All sorts of thoughts were raging within the chest.

Dear God, I don't mean to be unhappy or ungrateful if you had given a child into my womb. But how do I get it to HansH? Deliver it directly? If he asks directly who the father of my son, and he does not believe, surely the edges will arise quarrel. Then what should I do?

I took a deep breath. I need to calm down, I thought.

Maybe I should find out first about the truth. If I'm really pregnant, I hope HansH's fertility verdict is wrong and he has to be retested. Hopefully he doesn't have any fertility issues. Hopefully tomorrow...

"You why?" hansh's voice struck me in shock. "Why not sleep? What are you thinking?" he asked that night, late at night when my eyes were still reluctant to be closed. His voice that suddenly broke the silence of the night made my heart pound.

I'm shaking. "No. It's okay" I said. "I just. I just feel unwell. So I can't sleep. That's it."

"You need a break. Just take some medicine, okay?"

Again. I'm shaking. "I'm afraid you can't take care of Malika if I'm asleep because of the drugs."

"But you need rest, let your condition improve."

"Then Malika?"

"I'll take care of it."

"certain." He smiled, then got up and got out of bed to get my sleeping pills out of the drawer, plus a glass of water. "Don't worry. Let me take care of Malika. Now you're taking medicine so you can rest."

I'm nodding. I took a sleeping pill from his hand and downed it with a glass of water. HansH smiled faintly, he asked me to sleep where he used to sleep, whereas he would sleep in my place, the side closer to Malika's bed.

"Now go to sleep" he asked after putting a glass on the nightstand. "Great dreams, yes, dear. May you be healthy soon."

I'm asleep....

And awoke after the dawn of the Azan.

"Body, baby," said HansH, who opened my eyes. "How are you doing? Can't you wake?"

I'm nodding.

"We pray together, huh?"

Congregating? Duh. I must reject it. "Sorry, I have a stomachache. You go first, okay? I'll be a long-"

"Shhh. I'll wait. As usual."

Hm, that's HansH since the second day of the wedding.

"alright. I'll go to the bathroom first. It's a little long time, huh?"

Because I have to test my urine again.

Now, for the second time I'm holding my urine. This time it's my first urine after I wake up. Then, with trembling hands and a restless heart, I opened my testpack wrapper and...

The deg!

The deg!

The deg!

Heart's pounding....

And...

Positive!

Positive? My God, I'm really pregnant...?