Self Healing
Episode 50 of the Lost Memory

I woke up with a bandage on my head. My head feels heavy and throbbing. I tried to move my right hand, which was attached to an infusion hose containing a liquid that I did not know the contents.

I don't know how long I've been asleep under anesthesia, because I'm in the ICU right now. Before long, Tyo came to see me using a mask and ICU special clothes. From the light of his eyes, I saw him smiling at me.

"Awake? Wanna drink?" ask Tyo gently.

My throat felt so dry that I could only answer it with an eye gesture.

"Pick it up."

After taking the warm water that was on my bedside table, Tyo helped me to drink it.

"Thank you," I said.

Tyo put the glass back on the table, then he sat on the bedside holding my hand.

"What is it feeling?" ask Tyo.

"Sleepy, but a little. Oiya Mas, what kind of children?"

"They're all asleep. Zalfa sleeps with Yusna, if Icha and Ara stay asleep in her room" replied Tyo.

"What time is it?"

"It's almost midnight, at 11:40" Tyo replied.

"How long am I sleeping?"

"The operation was completed around 6 a.m. Thank God, the operation is smooth. The hose has been cleaned, in Shaa Allah is not incompetent anymore. I saw for myself, if the flow had been smooth again," explained Tyo.

Gratitude I say to Divine Rabbi, because the second operation went well, especially I did not experience vertigo as in the first post-operative. Then, after a few days in the treatment room, I was allowed to go home.

After that, I still have to rest a lot, to prevent vertigo or dizziness that can come at any time. For that, I rely on the hospital cafeteria or food stall located behind the hospital in order to meet my family's food needs.

But there is one thing I regret a lot, which is that I can't ASI-hi my five-week-old baby. This is due to the influence of drugs that I will consume over the next few months.

"No papa, Yang. Zalfa has got colostrum, the best ASI content is in the first month of his birth, so in shaaAllah has met his initial needs," said Tyo to raise my heart.

But qadarullah, before four weeks later I had to go back in the operating room, because there was the same blockage. Then, three weeks later, I also had to go back to having the same surgery with the same diagnosis.

But this surgery, it had a different effect on me. I don't know what happened during the operation, but I was kind of out of my body. I saw myself lying on the operating table and dr. Adi is starting surgery on my head. I also saw Tyo, standing beside the operating table. I waved my hand at him, but Tyo did not see me at all.

Then I started to realize what was happening to me.

"O Allah, O Lord, please do not take my life now. This weak servant asks You, O God. Not now, God!"

Then I woke up in my room. I woke up to the noise of children playing.

"Have you woken up, Lin?" ask mom.

I answered him just by nodding my head.

"Eat first, keep taking the medicine" my mother continued and I followed.

I looked around my room. Everything seems foreign to me. Then I saw the figure of a sleeping baby beside me, which made me wonder.

"Mom, who is this?" my many.

My mother seemed surprised by the question I had just asked.

My mother also noticed the confusion I felt.

"This is Zalfa, your baby. You gave birth to her about five months ago."

Mother's answer, congratulations make me amazingly surprised.

"Birth? Mom's joking! A child giving birth?" my mouth to mom.

Mother was silent too. Then in a serious tone, she asked, "Lin, where are you now and what age?"

"At Sidikalang," I answered for sure.

The look on my face changed, which made me less and less understand what was going on.

That day, I felt very tired when I barely did any activity. Until in the afternoon, suddenly there was a man who entered my room with two girls who called me 'mother'. I just fell silent, frozen, not understanding what was really going on.

Ara was busy telling me about her activities during school, while Icha was quieter if not asked. I just sat watching the two of them with an unbecoming mind. I haven't gone to school yet, but why do these two kids call me mom?

Then when I went to the bathroom, I saw a reflection of myself in the mirror that really surprised me which made me ask in my heart.

"Cock I'm an adult? Are they really my children?"

I'm like a dazed person. Plus a guy who kept asking me what I was feeling, it really bothered me.

"Lin, what's wrong with you? That would be Tyo, your husband," reprimanded the mother who noticed my body language that was uncomfortable with her existence.

I did not answer and chose to go back to sleep. After a few days, I began to be able to do light activities, but I still could not remember Tyo and my children. Until finally, my mother decided to take me to Jogja.

"Liar Lina in Jogja with the fathers. In shaaAllah, there will be consulted to the neurologist for the healing process Lina. So please, you book a ticket for the three of us plus Zalfa to Jogja. Icha and Ara stay here until the end of this semester, while we'll find a school for them both."

"Try you ask mom, can not accompany the children, while you go to Jogja to find school?" pinta's mother told Tyo to contact her mother in Jakarta.

Moments later, after contacting her parents in Jakarta, Tyo returned to talk to her mother.

"Mother says in sheaAllah can. Later both of you and Dad will come here. Then, Tyo find the ticket first huh, ma'am."

I just kept quiet and noticed the situation, while Tyo started preparing for my move to Jogja.

My physical condition has not fully recovered from the surgery, although I do not feel vertigo, but every time I close my eyes, especially at night break, I was in a hallway where there was a long, round, blue, red and yellow wire. Then my journey will stop to untie the cable. When the bond breaks, a flash of light signals my journey to continue.

This made the quality of my night rest impaired, so I paid my sleep debt in the morning and during the day. But what Tyo saw was me who only slept all day.

"Yang, dong's spirit! Don't sleep, let's get up!"

That sentence was like an advertisement that kept playing in my head, making me feel even more exhausted beyond measure.

Hearing Tyo's reply, I felt that he didn't listen to me completely. He did not give me a solution but instead seemed to encourage me who was lazy. But I did not dispute it, I remained silent as usual.

Meanwhile, my mother kept making me warm chocolate drinks every day, in the morning and at night, because my mother had read that chocolate was good for brain health. I still can't remember my three kids, I just listened to them tell stories after school. I can't even feel the bond between mother and her children.

Until it was time to go to Jogjakarta. Both of Tyo's parents and Mbak Intan, a family friend who came to accompany him, had arrived in Batam two days earlier. As we were saying goodbye, I suddenly felt something strange.

I looked around me, my clothes, everything seemed unusual. Then I saw my mother and Tyo's parents saying goodbye.

"Mas, where are we going?" it was me who made Tyo astonished.