Hello Arvin!
Alyosha
“Mr, the baby has no heartbeat. The baby died in the womb,” said Doctor Yustia with a heavy heart.
“What does that mean, Doc?” Arvin was confused. Though the sentence used by Doctor Yustia was very simple, but Arvin could not digest it at all.
Died in the womb? The baby no longer exists?
It felt like he was still asleep and hoped that all he heard was a dream. But now she was actually in the hospital, clasping Nara's hand whose consciousness was beginning to disappear. See the scene of nurses and doctors busy calling. One person shook his shoulder, making him climb the ground again. Still with a daze.
“Now Bu Nara must enter the operating room yes, sir. We're gonna do a cesarean section to get the baby out. Doctor Inez and the nurse will help explain and sign the document,” said Doctor Yustia quickly.
“...Take from PMI..”.
“... Operating Room 3 is okay, Doc!”
“Doctor Amri is ready for anesthesia..”
All the voices that Arvin heard felt so foreign and distant. Like watching a movie from a distance. He also walked as if drifting, moving from the IGD to the operating waiting room.
The nurse spoke to him, but none of them remembered him. Whether it's telling him to agree on what or sign what. Arvin was like an empty body so confused and in shock.
The operation lasted about 1.5 hours. The nurse invites Arvin into the operating room. He was wearing a green shirt and wearing a mask. He saw Nara who was still asleep, ready to be moved to the recovery room. Meanwhile the nurse led her to see a figure still slightly wrapped in red liquid, like a doll, his skin pale blue, and his eyes closed.
Instantly Arvin's knee felt limp boneless, he cried. Seeing the little baby he had been waiting for so far was not breathing, even before they had met.
His heart was so heavy, Arvin was sure he had first experienced a great loss like this. Even his pain was not worth the loss of his mother, father, or grandmother. Arvin was really hurt, crying and wanted to scream in the room.
No matter how many doctors or nurses saw him full of sadness, Arvin still cried. He touched his fingers on the lifeless little baby.
His cheeks felt soft, making his heart tremble at once. There was no more warmth to the figure, let alone crying. The room felt increasingly cold, to deep into his skin—on his heart.
Arvin asked permission to hold his son for a while. Although the nurse seemed hesitant at first, Doctor Yustia gave her permission. Understand that Arvin needs time to be able to let go of his son.
His body was light, frail, silent and drooping with no energy as Arvin clutched him in the chest. Much different when she was holding Aisha—anak she met while in control of the obstetrician, or Dania her niece. They are warm, keep moving, and chattering. Arvin expects the same thing when he hugs his son.
Her tears continued to shed, still trying to digest and let go. Although his heart was reluctant. His feelings are hurt and fucked. But the baby in his arms is as cold as the reality he has to face. I don't want Arvin to accept it.
“Alyosha, why stay with Papa first? But Papa is waiting for you. Papa dear to you.” His whisper.
At that time Arvin wanted to scream but all these desires he buried in his arms and the first and last kiss on Alyosha's forehead.
...****************...
Nara heard many voices in her ears, the voice of Arvin, the nurses she did not know, at first glance she heard the voice of Doctor Yustia in the distance. Said her baby's heartbeat was gone, before it was dark and silent. It was a strange dream, he thought.
Arvin's next to him, shut up. His expression was dark indecipherable. His eye light is gone, with puffy and reddened eyes. His eyes were either looking at where. No sound came out between them.
Nara was too confused and limp to just ask.
Nope. Nara was dodging and denying from the feelings and premonitions that were violently knocking on her. Saying everything's not okay.
The two of them were just acting calm, hiding a storm in their hearts that could not be controlled.
The nurse went into the room, checked something on her drip, gave her medicine, told her to practice sitting, and moved her body to make her feel pain on all sides.
All is calm again, the sun is starting to rise. The clock on the wall shows 06:30. He woke up at 23:00 p.m.
Nara stroked her stomach which was no longer bulging. Still confused where the creature went in there. For months, there was someone who inhabited it, moving like a fish in a narrow aquarium. Kicking, hitting, spinning and playing.
The stomach dweller is very clever, he will say when Nara and Arvin call him, although in recent times he has often ignored his parents.
The little creature in his stomach was also very patient and airy chest, the proof was that he had forgiven Nara who was very stupid for trying to eliminate him.
His little baby was also full of love, uniting him with Arvin. Then bring a lot of good and sorry people into their lives.
Arvin still hasn't opened his mouth, only noticing all Nara's movements through his eyes.
“The baby hasn't been brought here yet huh, Vin?” Nara's voice sounded hoarse, first speaking after a long silence. Her tears descended to her cheeks, shedding uncontrollably.
Nara knows what happened. All the greatness of her memory, the voices she heard, her premonitions, and her dreams said she had lost her baby. The absence of a child by his side confirms that all things are real.
Arvin got up from the chair, quickly holding Nara in his chest. “He will not be brought here. Our baby is dead,” said Arvin in a voice that is no less raucous.
The words that Nara most did not want to hear in her entire life. It makes his world almost split in two. From the sedu sedan, into a sob, it then turned into a roaring scream that submerged itself into a deep sadness.
Nara could not stop herself from roaring, ignoring the pain in her body after the surgery. All of that is nothing compared to the loss of the child it contains. The baby he waited for for months. The person he most wanted to meet.
Nara could never hear her first cry. The voice came back to the Creator without having her capture and recall in her memory.
They both cried hugging each other. Trying to reduce each other's grief, even though the two are currently unable to strengthen each other. All they wanted to do was sink into the pain, sadness, longing and gray that their first child had lost.
Two people who never became parents.