Hello Arvin!
Connectors (2)
The first and last time Nara saw her baby was in the coronation room. He was wrapped in a white, small, frail and blue cloth.
Nara barely regained consciousness with a heavy and tight feeling in her chest. Beautiful little baby—miliknya, now back to the Creator. No time to talk or just cry near the ears.
As hard as she tried, Nara couldn't help but cry. The sadness that dissolves his life becomes unformed. To whom should he be disappointed and sad like this?
For more than 30 minutes, Nara could not control her stuffing. But the baby had to be carried and rested in its last place. They don't want to hold it for so long in the world, and they have to let it go immediately.
All his family have come, some are preparing for the funeral with Arvin. Nara will have to stay in hospital for the next few days.
Nara returns to the inpatient room, accompanied by her mother. Arvin is now with Lena, Angga, Audrey, Naufal and his father probably at the funeral, taking his little baby to rest forever. Even at this moment Nara couldn't stand by him, couldn't see him.
Grief piled against his heart. Which mother can be strong when she loses the child she contains, even without having seen her smile. Nara fell into a slump.
“Dek, eat first yes. You have to take medicine so that the surgery wound heals quickly,” said Laila softly.
Nara did not answer. He had no energy to respond to his mother. Moreover, having to eat, he had absolutely no taste in touching food. His hunger also disappeared instantly.
His mother breathed a heavy sigh, she knew it was useless to force Nara to eat. Losing a baby in the womb is the toughest event for a mother. It's free to say and reinforce that Nara is patient. Right now he only needed to be given time to concoct the grief and loss in his heart, giving space to accept the event.
“Mom never knew what it was like to lose a child. Even though I told you I understand how you feel, I really don't. Mom just guessed. You know best, you know best. If you feel too heavy, cry too fast. Shout and grieve until you have no more energy. I'm not going to say be patient and say. You will be able to do it but it takes a long journey. Not instant and suddenly so rigid.”
Laila clasped Nara's hand, patting her gently. Even though her daughter did not react to anything. Just staring at the window, which was brightly overwritten by the light of day.
“Bu, I don't deserve to be a mom yet? So my son was taken again before birth,” said Nara.
His mind grappled with feelings of sadness, guilt, fear, inappropriateness, anger, and I don't know so many foreign feelings that burst out.
“Have offspring and get a chance to give birth to it is a privilege that Allah loves SWT. It is not human to say appropriate and inappropriate. Even with the naked eye, many parents do not deserve to have children and raise them. You just live what was written for you.”
“I tried to make my son fall, but he gave me another chance by continuing to grow until I understood it was loving. Now may be the time for me to get punished for doing evil with him.”
Laila was a moment surprised to hear it, only the first time she heard it. Nara hated her pregnancy. No wonder she's trying to wipe out the baby. But Laila has no right to judge, she knows how hurt Nara was in her early pregnancy.
“You don't think about things that have been a long time. I told you not to punish yourself with guilt. Even though what you did was evil, you proved that you grew up and improved. No one knows this is a punishment or a test. But you must be sure, if there are things that you get from all these events.”
“Dek, sincere is hard. Patience is not easy. But I'm sure one day you will be led to mengikhlaskan and given patience. Just like you learned to forgive and be responsible.”
...****************...
For 3 days Nara was hospitalized. His body was recovering, but his heart was never intact again.
Her parents are worried that Nara is shaken by the loss of her child, and they tell her to stay at her parents' house temporarily. Nara followed him alone, too tired to argue.
Maybe it's better to be at his parents' house for a while. Resting his feelings that wrestle with grief. Since then he hasn't spoken to Arvin too much. There was almost never a time for the two of them to talk, as the family kept watch there.
It was strange to be back in his room. It was not the same as when he left, some of Dania's belongings were stored there. Maybe because her sister's room is too full of baby equipment.
Nara lay for hours staring at the ceiling of her room.7 months ago, Nara also did. Lying on her back like now, the difference used to be that she hoped that the news of her pregnancy was just a nightmare. Hating the creature he grew up with all his heart. Thought a thousand times to get rid of it.
Today she desperately wants to be given another chance, to be able to sustain her pregnancy. I hope with all my heart that the baby I have can live. The human heart is strange.
“Sister, can I not anterin me home?” Nara moved from her room to the central room to meet Naufal.
“Kok want to go home? I'm here until you recover,” said his mother.
Nara shakes. “I don't want to leave Arvin alone.”
The one who lost not only himself, but Arvin as well. He must be just as bad as Nara. Just like before, when bad things happened to them. The person who is hurt, scared, and guilty is not just himself.
The journey to the house is almost more than 2 hours, traffic jams hold it everywhere. Arvin was already standing in front of the fence waiting for him. Smiling as Nara got out of the car, Naufal took off and his parents came home after dropping off.
The house looked dark, there were no lights that Arvin turned on. Even the lights outside are still off. Nara would not comment. He is also more comfortable in the dark, lying on the bed facing each other. The light of the sleeping lights seemed dim, blurring the tears that descended from the two. Crying without a sound.
“I'm sorry I can't take care of our son. I deserve to be punished. You can be angry and hate me,” said Nara resigned. He feels very guilty. Still think all this is his fault.
Arvin touched Nara's cheek with his thumb, putting away the tears. “You don't feel guilty, it's not all your fault. Maybe Alyosha is not present for us to care for, but he came to be a connector of our fate. Thanks for coming home. I'm now afraid of being alone.”