Hello Arvin!
Sired
“If you don't want to come, yes it's my mom who came!” Laila snapped emotion at her husband, the door slammed shut. Leaving Ahmad alone.
His eyes were on the cell phone his wife left on the bed, he grabbed the object. A message from her youngest child was sent, announcing next Saturday that she will hold a monthly 7th pregnancy event.
Several photos were also included, showing Nara's radiant face with her stomach starting to enlarge. Beside him stood the handsome face of his son-in-law, no less happy.
His heart felt unsettled just by looking at the photo. Sad, disappointed, angry, and longing. Until now what he remembered when the separation with his youngest child was a look of sadness. The tears that broke the last time said goodbye to leave the house.
Until now the feeling of guilt and disappointment still haunts him. He failed to educate the children. Failing to be parents. Failed to protect her daughter. His disappointment was also directed at himself.
Why is Nara afraid to say honesty? Whereas if Nara had told her from the beginning that Reza was retreating ahead of the wedding, she would not have taken such a steep journey.
She will not be disappointed, will not be ashamed, will not be angry if her daughter's marriage fails due to incompatibility. In his heart, he wanted his son to be able to live a happy household life. If Reza at that time could not give it, he was also willing to release tens of millions of rupiah that had been spent in preparation for their marriage.
But Nara went somewhere else. Dodging, running, hiding. It was as if her parents would pounce on her with anger because a man broke off the relationship. No. gabe. Ahmad will embrace him. Strengthening her daughter so she can move on. Had Nara known that there was always a place for her after her heartbreak, her father knew.
The story would be different if all that happened. But the rice had become porridge, Nara chose a path that was completely unexpected. Bringing news is more sorrow than just failing to get to the bottom of it. Pregnant out of wedlock.
Ahmad lay on the bed, still staring at the photo of Nara and Arvin long enough. They look happy, move on, and take responsibility for their actions. His heart should also let go and have fun. But why was he still unable to apologize for the two? Or actually sorry he can't give it to himself yet?
...****************...
“Mother is angry why, Sir?” Naufal asked out onto the porch, then sat down on a plastic chair near his father while holding Dania.
Ahmad exhaled heavily, drinking the cold tea from a melamine cup.
“Bapak does not want to join the 7 monthly event adekmu. You want to come there?”
Naufal nodded, “Says Amel wants to see Nara's new home. They now live in the BSD area. At the expensive house there, sir. If I don't think I can afford a house down there. Good thing Nara can be able to live in a better area than us.”
Ahmad did not reply. His eyes stared straight at the narrow courtyard of the house. Directly leading to the street with the sight of children running around and shouting at his friend.
“Bapak is still not sorryin Nara?” Naufal's question broke the reverie.
“How would you if you suddenly knew Dania was caught pregnant out of wedlock? Disappointed, Fal.”
Naufal understood his father's feelings. He knows better because he is also a father to a daughter.
“That's wrong with Arvin, sir. He who touched Nara fit drunk again. It's not fair that you continue to be angry with Nara aja.”
“Fathers angry and disappointed alike both.”
“Pak, my experience as a parent may not be much. The test is not as heavy as the father. But I can understand a few things after being a father too. If our children make mistakes, it is natural that we are disappointed and angry. We can continue to punish them for their mistakes. Just like everyone else out there, who would berate and gossip about it. But the kid's part of us and we should be the safest place for them to go home.”
Naufal kissed Dania's sleeping forehead on her lap. Her little baby will one day grow up, become a girl. He understood very well how his father felt when the girl he loved was touched dishonorably by a foreign man. More than hurt.
“I feel guilty as a sister because Nara died when the world was hostile to her. I was one of the bad guys too. Do you know that Nara is crying every day because of loneliness? Suddenly all his family forget his whereabouts.”
Ahmad glanced at Naufal. He could imagine how his daughter was crying and grieving every day since leaving home. His heart languished.
“Where's your husband? Didn't you know him?”
“There. Only Nara wants to see us. But I told you mom wasn't ready to see him again. At that time, he needed us. I also knew from Amel that the Arvin was always contacting him, begging to be able to be reunited with mother or father. I guess the kids aren't too bad either.”
“Criminals don't always look evil. Good looks like nipu.”
“But he's in charge. Despite that fatal mistake. He didn't run. In fact, always find a gap to make Nara accepted back. Do you know that you have ever stayed in their apartment?”
They went back quiet for quite a while. Soluble in the reverie of each.
“Bapak does not know how to kayak. During this time like the father misdidikan children, mistreating children. Until it feels far away from you. If Nara was honest and came home at that time, you would not be angry because she failed to marry. Not at all. Would you hit him? Maki-maki him for being cut off by a man before his wedding? Not going to.”
Naufal smiled at a glance. Recalling the figure of his father who was quite stiff and difficult to approach. He knows his love for his children. But his father was a colossal man who rarely talked about feelings. Nara is scared. Nara felt reluctant to bring the news home. He thought his parents would blame him for the failure.
Just this time alone Naufal dared to say and chat something very personal. His father had to change, even though he was old enough, but he was still a parent, who deserved to learn a lifetime against his children.
His father had to open the room to understand that raising children was not just about making a living and that things were present in the family, but trying to understand the feelings of his son. Through heart-to-heart talk. Take time to listen and be heard. So that his son will no longer be afraid to be honest about all the difficulties and worries that confront him.
“Bapak rarely talks about what we feel, what you feel. That's why we feel so much like fathers. Not that my dad is not great. I am grateful to have a responsible father and love us. But sometimes, we need a father to be a safe place for stories. My father was never there. When we fall, even we do not dare to say how the pain.”
Ahmad felt uncomfortable with his feelings. His father never listened in the past either. Colot, hard, and temperament. Educating like in a military camp. Rarely does he speak out and express his feelings.
When he became a father, he promised not to treat his son as hard as his father taught. Although he also did not understand how it was supposed to be a father that was needed for Naufal and Nara.
Even though the imam of the mosque after Friday prayers discussed it a lot, reminding parents to educate children according to their time. As need. It turns out that children now not only need a father figure who makes a living, but who can understand and listen to his feelings as well. Present as a figure to go home when the world around him shattered.
“Then father fails to be the father you need huh, Fal?”
Naufal shook his head, “Bapak still has a lot of time, and hopefully a long life to learn to be the figure we need. Naufal also has a lot to learn from the father how to be the head of the household and a good father.”
The sound of children playing on the street in front of the house is getting noisy. Naufal inched from her place, sleeping with Dania inside the house, avoiding the loud noise that could wake her baby up.
Ahmad looked at the children in front of him, who were now kicking dusty dirty balls around and around. Some of them lost their fathers as babies, leaving them to be taken care of by their mothers or grandparents. As a teenager the children turned more violent and wild. Then drop out of school and life doesn't know its direction.
It was fortunate that Naufal and Nara still had him in charge of their lives. But that's not enough. Material is not enough. A father must be present also educate and be a shelter for his son, because he is a strong pillar, a foundation that supports the family.