Hello Arvin!
Redefining Love 1's

“I want to fix my mistake, Ra. I'm sorry.”

Maybe from the beginning Nara should not have sympathy for Arvin. His kindness, attention, and all his sweet words were not so sincere. Now Nara can't even forgive herself for being so easily deceived.

Throughout her life, Nara had little contact with men. Only 2 times. His feelings are deep and pleasant. Both ended painfully. But during that time Nara learned about men and their feelings.

Many also mention men are simple creatures that are easy to guess. They will show concern and interest in the women they care about.

Arvin showed that to Nara, with all his ability. Reassuring over and over again that there is a special place in his heart for Nara. Until some of them believe. Arvin loves him.

But Nara forgot, Arvin can do that to a lot of other women. In Keysa, which in fact still occupies an important position in his life. Which sane person would go lightning fast when he got the call asking for help from his ex-girlfriend. But he already has a wife. If it is not a feeling that is left behind and not finished, then what?

Is Nara also the same can not let go of the past? Because now he's dealing with Reza. Just to make sure there were no feelings left between them.

“I'm next month married, same one of my coworkers at school.” Reza handed me a piece of invitation card on the table.

“Teachers who like to go home with you?” Tanya Nara was calm. Strange indeed. There was no feeling when I heard it. Is Nara done loving Reza? Doesn't seem like it. Nara is just trying to look strong.

“Hmm.” Reza. “I didn't know you were coming or not. But I've been telling you.”

Nara nodded in agreement. He won't come either. Although some of him has been willing to release Reza, but has not reached the stage of being able to see her with other women.

“You from when was dating her?”

“Why? You want to make sure we break up because I cheated?” Reza asked with a smile.

Nara turned her gaze at the juice glass on the table, while taking off a smile. Ja. He at least wanted to have a reason to hate Reza. Then release calmly.

“She's been in school for a week before we failed to get married. I didn't know him before. But we become deket because in the students cengcengin and often get a picket schedule together. We broke up because we didn't fit in, Ra. You don't have to find any other reason to forget me. But you must forget me, no matter how.”

“I don't understand why you think we don't fit, Za. We have been together a long time. We already know each other. Why did you get to kill me that day?” There was no anger in Nara's heart, just questions and confusion.

“I told you we don't have one more thought.”

“Emang is important?”

“One of the important things. I also feel that we don't receive what we need.”

“Means?”

“You try it the same yourself. Is the love you need from me, or your current partner?”

Nara pensive. He did not understand what Reza was talking about.

“Say people gini, we will eventually be united with the love we need. I don't take that from you. I need people who don't keep me looking up, because they're too tall. His thoughts, finances, and behavior. After we work in a different environment I feel far away from your world. That's why the love I need doesn't meet you. Now I ask. There's nothing you need, and I can't give you?”

They were silent for a moment.

Nara recalls all their quarrels and disagreements for several months before the relationship broke down. What Nara wants from Reza. What she actually expected from this man to make her feel valued and loved.

During their disagreement, Nara was the one who had to follow Reza's ego which was very bad and low self-esteem. Every fight, Nara just wants Reza to fight harder so they can solve the problem. Not letting her feel like she's struggling to maintain the relationship. But Reza always gives up halfway.

“I hope you get it from Arvin, Ra.”

Yep. Arvins. A stubborn man who always forces Nara to fall for him. He never once gave up fighting for it. No matter how many times Nara refused. He keeps coming. Offers a lot of attention. Makes her feel valuable and worthy of being loved after so many feelings of disappointment hit her.

But Arvin also just broke his heart. All the struggles he had to convince her could have been the same effort he had for Keysa. How she was so worried and protecting her ex-boyfriend. Nara doubts that the love she needs comes from Arvin.

“I don't understand how I feel about myself Arvin. He's a lot of disappointments, scantiness, and I can't trust him.”

“You don't know him yet. That's why you can't tolerate the bad things he does. Though you give me a lot of love, no matter how disappointing I am. Even until now I have not been able to escape, right? You really already understand about him, to say like that?”

Nara did not answer. He didn't know Arvin until he could give him tolerance and a chance to explain himself. There may be reasons that Nara doesn't know. Just like when Arvin hid his worries because of office problems.

Nara understood in the end that Arvin was suffering too. Does Nara want to understand when Arvin overreacted to Keysa? Nara didn't want to think about it. His heart is not ready.

“Inget said the song Sherina, look at everything closer and you will understand.”

“See everything closer and you will understand.”

Say them together and then laugh.

“After you look closer and understand, you will know what you have to do. Either give him a chance to improve himself, or have to throw him.” Reza said with a laugh.

“I hope you also tolerate and give me the opportunity to improve, Za.”

“I hope so too, Ra. But time tried again after we broke up. I got even more disappointing news. You must not believe that I was also heartbroken and cry for days because of your pregnancy. Until there our relationship can not be repaired.”

“I'm sorry, Za.”

“I'm sorry too. Maybe now is the right time for us to let go of each other's past. Start redefining the love of our lives like what, not about how long we have a relationship, not just about comfort, not just mutual acceptance. But maybe it's about fighting, it's about forgiving, and being honest with each other. Which we both don't get from each other. May I be with you, meet each of them in pairs yes, Ra.”

Nara did not expect that releasing Reza would be this easy. Of course there is a part in his heart that hurts, when for the last time he can hug the man. Real hugs are rare because they rarely come into physical contact with each other. Naufal would be very angry if he knew Reza dared to hug or kiss his beloved sister.

After saying goodbye to each other and maybe meeting for the last time, Nara chose to surround the city of Jakarta with Transjakarta, which began to be quiet because the day went night. The workers receded and went back to their homes.

Along the way Nara rethinks what Reza said. Redefining love. Is Arvin the right guy and he needs it? What about Arvin's relationship with Keysa? Should Nara start understanding it as well? Should he give Arvin a chance to improve after disappointing me? Can Nara forgive Arvin?

The question was mutually answered in his head. Accompanied by pain and loss that suddenly destroyed it. Reza used to be special. There will be nothing more about him in his life. And believe me, though sincerely let go. His heart still felt scattered.

Ocean & Engine plays on Nara's aipods, Niki's beautiful voice signals her to let go of the shadows of the past and let her go to meet a new love.

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Sorry yesterday did not update. Author his pain 🥲👌