Hello Arvin!
Forgive
The unusual thing that Nara saw for the first time was Arvin's dimmed eyes. Look sad. After cleaning, they lie on the bed. Stare at each other and be quiet. Nara knew that Arvin wasn't really looking at her, but was pensively carried away by her mind going somewhere.
“Arvin, are you okay?” Nara's whisper while stroking Arvin's hair, making him realize from his daydream.
Arvin was silent for a moment before nodding, “I’m okay.” Answer weakly.
“You don't look all right. If you have anything to tell, I’m all ears.”
Arvin smiled briefly and fell silent for quite a while. “You..hate not the same me because I'm an ungodly child?”
“I don't hate you because of that. You have your own reasons why that is, right?”
“If I already know the real thing that happened but still be a bad boy and do not want to forgive them, how?”
“I want to hear why you don't apologize to them. New I can value it good or bad.”
“Entahlah, probably because of a feeling of heartache. All this time they were willing to lie to me, ignore me, and throw me around like I was just an item. I hated my wicked and unfaithful father, to the pain of my mother and mother. I hate mama because she wants to be an affair to mingle children. I hate the mother who relain I taken grandmother because she feels guilty already misahin me same mom. Though I needed a mother at that time, it needs to be admitted that I am also her son. I waited years to be picked up or contacted, but never. I think mom hates me because I'm dad's cheating son and I hate mommy because of that.”
A cry rumbled from Arvin's eyes, blurring his gaze. Just this time he was talking about all his hatred and sadness to others. Some people know about his bad relationship with the Aditama family. But no one really listens to all his feelings, which Arvin keeps to himself. His loneliness, fear, and hatred grew entrenched for 8 years, after leaving the Aditama family home.
“Bu Lena love very much with you. He also hopes to have the courage to defend you and contact you. She thinks you hate her because you miss you and your real mother.”
Arvin nodded, he knew. Finally know.
“Pak Candra also love you. Feel guilty for his whole life same everyone because of his affair.”
Arvin nodded again, knowing too. Finally know.
“If you already know everything, what reason can you not forgive them?”
“I don't know.”
Nara smiled at a glance, “They both must have felt very guilty for the rest of her life because of the mistakes they have made, as well as their dishonesty that makes you so far away. Bayangin lived for decades feeling guilty like that. When they try to fix it, you avoid it until now. You can't live like them, Vin?”
Arvin shakes.
“You used to say fit again drunk at the hotel, if every day it feels like to die because of guilt with me. I also, every day it feels like dying because of hate just as you always seem relaxed and do not care the same impact that you do with me. But as it turns out, I didn't know that you also experienced a lot of hard things because of our scandal. Since you're finally honest, that night I'm sorry you, Vin.”
Nara glued her fingers to Arvin's fingers. Their hand size looks contrasting. But through those hands, they exchanged warmth. Before finally holding each other.
“You were once in their position, constantly feeling guilty. You were also in my post, constantly prejudiced and hated. You just need to listen to each other and be honest. Just like we did. We promise to be honest with each other about our feelings. Only then can we forgive each other and love each other.”
He received a lot of love and thirst for it, from many women around him. All she needs for the rest of her life is the love of her mother, of Lena. Lost because of prejudice against each other. Thinking they hate each other, they miss each other.
All she needs for the rest of her life is the love of her birth mother, from Kartika. Lost because of past mistakes and dishonesty. In addition, Arvin also needs the love of his father, who for life continues to hold his promise but instead hurts everyone on his side. All his betrayals, his indecision, and his crimes that made everyone's life complicated in the end.
...****************...
The room was quiet, only the sound from the heart recorder monitor sounded loud. Marking Candra is still alive and is on his body. Though consciousness has left him. Arvin told Audrey to stay up all night for breakfast and a breath of fresh air, so she could have some time alone with her father.
Arvin sat in the chair next to the bed. Grasping the weak hands and wrinkles of men who had rarely met. Whether since when gray hair filled his entire head, leaving no black and dense hair as he used to know. I don't know since when his sturdy body turned frail and weak as it is now. Wrinkles and wrinkled skin everywhere.
Though what he remembered was the dashing figure who every morning reached out to kiss him. Strange indeed, since childhood even they rarely talk. Candra is busy and immerses herself with work. Only at breakfast and dinner. All day Arvin was with Lena and her two sisters. Candra never invited him to chat or play like a father in general.
Now Arvin finally realizes, Candra and Lena have never displayed any affection or closeness throughout her lifetime. They were just there, chatting as necessary. Arvin thought it was all normal and it happened to all the families. Maybe since his father's betrayal, as Angga said, his parents just live his marriage. Not very serious.
Did his father suffer that long?
Arvin could never bear being ignored by Nara for days. Continue to feel guilty for having chosen to accompany Keysa. Feeling betrayed for still not being able to be firm with his feelings for Keysa. Feeling guilty for continuing to hurt Nara.
If he thought back, he had never been so close to this man either. Every year during her stay at her grandmother's house, Candra always sends her a birthday cake. But never asked her news, and did not try to ask her to go home. Arvin hates it because Candra ignores him as well as Lena. But maybe all the birthday cakes he sent were the only way he knew how to get to Arvin, by keeping a promise to his grandmother.
“Dad, I'm sorry I've been an ungodly child, who always avoided being told to meet, and never answered on the phone. You see, Dad is also fitting that I still live in the grandmother's house. You must hate me, right? Because I was born and made it all so complicated. If only the one who died was me, not his mother's son. Surely everything will not be like this. Dad can come back again with mom, and mutusin relationship with mom easily.”
Arvin couldn't help himself from sobbing. He no longer cared about maintaining the image of being a cool guy. Right now he just wants to cry and be a kid in front of his dad.
“I'm also sorry dad, because I hurt mom, mom and me. But now I understand a little, because it was once in the position of father. I have the same feeling as two women at once. Fortunately I was still sane, I preferred one of them. I'll keep picking Nara. Don't worry, I always read the tacky and dirty messages you send every day. I never even deleted one. I will be a better man than my father, responsible, unpromising, and faithful. I will also often go home and meet my mother, as my father always said, let me not be sad. Dad also sneaked home, huh?”
Arvin spent 1 hour talking and crying in front of his silent father. He did not know if his father could listen to everything he said. But his feelings are relieved. He should have done this a long time ago. He should have done it at any moment. Now her father can't listen to her well, hug her, and say all things will be fine.
After a visit to see his father, Arvin continued the trip to the office. His steps felt lighter than usual. Because in the end the heavy burden that he continues to bear has been released.
Finally he can apologize and forgive his father, for all the deeds he has done in the past. Starting today Arvin will improve his relationship with his parents. He hoped that his father could regain consciousness, and be present in the family again.
Arvin just arrived at the office. But Adam had already swiftly handed over many documents that he had to check at the table. Before leaving, his secretary was only letting out a grin that was answered with a heavy breath by Arvin. Every day his work increases. Not sitting in his chair yet, his phone shook. A message from Audrey came in.
[Audrey: Vin, my new father is dead.]