Deposits
- Mind

“Pray? Is a powerful weapon when we are wanting something or are being hit by problems. So, do not ever break up prayers to be immediately affirmed by the Almighty.”

- Keisha

Keish:

The sound of the car squeaking made me flinch from my sleep, I fell asleep half an hour ago on the sofa. My drowsiness is not restrained anymore because I was waiting for Andri to come home.

I looked at the clock on my phone screen, the time showed 7pm that meant Andri was going home late. Yeah, it doesn't matter to me, the most important thing is not to go home until 9pm. It was so boring and made me miss him so much.

I got off the couch and straightened my hair first which looked messy. I walked towards the door and carved a smile on Andri. He got out of his car and walked towards me with a very lethargic face, ahhh, surely today's work made him very tired until his appearance like this.

I approached Andri, grabbing his briefcase. “Mas tired?” Andri just smiled. He took my hand and grabbed it, and I led him to the room. I know, like today, he's very tired. Evidently, when he suddenly resigned on the sidelines of his meal that was not finished and had to be called by the office because of a very sudden affair.

“Yaudah, Mas wait here first yes. Let Kei prepare the water for Mas bath.” he nodded then I went to the bathroom to prepare the water. I think what is needed at this time is just statehood, so that his fatigue is lost.

When I finished, I came out of the bathroom and saw him sleeping with both eyes closed. Looking at her she so made my heart very calm and serene, lifted already both corners of my lips upwards.

Then, I approached her and went to sleep next to her. I think he had fallen asleep so fast that his snoring sound was heard by me. I laughed a little and then I rubbed her cheek slowly.

“Capek really huh Mas? Hem, yes, so the leader is very heavy. Moreover, Mas became the leader of the household and became the leader in the office, it was a job that drained energy and made Mas tired which was very extraordinary. But take it easy, Mas, I will always be beside Mas, accompanying Mas, accompanying Mas until we are both called by God. May only you be my life partner in the world until the end, Mas. May only you be my husband and may I be the only woman you always have in your heart, there is no other woman besides me. Aamiin,” I smiled as I rubbed his cheeks slowly.

When drowsiness strikes me again, I yawn and I close my body with Andri's body. I hugged her body and then I did not fall asleep for long.

Andri:

“Eeeeung...” I squirm right side and left side. My body feels very sore amazing, tired I never let go even though I only slept for a while. I felt a tiny hand tightly hugging my body, as I opened my two eyes, my life had completely not returned.

I grabbed her body and brought her to my firmness. I kissed her head a few times, somehow I missed her, I felt my own incredible miss to her. My guilt goes with it, I feel a sense of guilt for my wife.

Maybe this sounds not funny if the marriage problem for the second time is not based on the permission of the first wife, let alone I have promised her that I will not marry or find another woman. But now everything was different, the promise I made was I denied, I betrayed the trust of Keisha instead.

The tightness in my chest made me unable to breathe any longer, I immediately let go of my embrace and walked towards the bathroom. Maybe by soaking my body in water makes me aware or makes my guilt less.

While in the bathroom, I went straight into the bath, fortunately Keisha had prepared the water so I did not have to wait for the water to fill. Before that I undressed and left my boxer pants that I still wear. I let my body drift in that water, it felt sober and it felt so cold.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm down for a while. I try to relax all the existing circumstances even though I know at this time everything is chaotic in no direction.

Of course I'm the one who made it all this way, so it's no wonder anymore and there's no doubt where all this mess comes from. I was the one who made this trouble, so I was the one who was suffering with all this as well.

It feels good to me, but why do I feel that everything is difficult for me? While with Kania I felt that everything would be fine, I felt that happiness was incredible.

But when I was at home, when dealing with Keisha made me feel guilty for her. I felt that I was the most evil person in the world, even though I hurt her heart not directly. Everything felt so different, that kind of situation was so weird when I felt it. And this just makes me confused. Very confusing to me.

But ah come, why is it that every time I think of all this makes my head wooze on its own. My stomach feels like it wants to take out all the contents, I soak all my body deeper until only my hair appears.

In my brain I keep going around the same question, am I wrong? Would I be able to hurt Keisha if anything happened? Do I have to go to Keisha for permission about this wedding?

I immediately poked my head to the surface, it felt like I was losing my breath. Why the question in my brain is like trying to kill me. Especially with the question, do I have to divorce Keisha first so that I can marry Kania?

Agh!!

I squeezed my hair violently, wanting me to berate myself, wanting me to kill my stupidity. I can't possibly divorce Keisha just because of another woman, after all I have to defend her, because she is my wife and because she is my first love even though I have betrayed this love and betrayed this relationship.