Deposits
- Being Questions-Being

“I want to always live with you, age with you and die with you. But would it be possible if I kept such great suspicion on you?”

-keisha

Keish:

We are currently in the dining room. I prepared food for Mom and Andika. My lips smiled when I saw Andika eating. He is as happy yet calm as Andri. He really looks like his brother.

But my smile loosened when I saw my mother just stirring food. He has not touched the food at all. Only the sound of the twang of the spoon and the plate that collided made.

I don't know why he doesn't have this kind of appetite. He's missing me or there's a problem my mom is thinking about. I don't understand either. Because from earlier I asked for the answer mom only “missing me” the rest is not there.

Until I gave in to my mother and chose to prepare food for them both. Because Andika said, they had just arrived in Indonesia and then kept a suitcase at home and decided to come here at the insistence of mother.

I felt something strange about my mother, I don't know if I could just stare at her with my face looking confused.

I grabbed mom's hand and held it, “Bu.” Mom looked up at my face. Then he smiled at me.

Look, I feel this is not a genuine smile but a forced smile that she gave me so that I would not worry about her and it is as if my mother said through her smile that she was fine. I know something must have been stirred up by him. But that's what? Because I know that even if I just look at it once.

“What do you think? it was eaten food, this morning Mas Andri who made all the food.”

“Uhuukk.” Andika immediately coughed.

I immediately poured water into the glass and gave it to him. He drank it up to the toilet. Andika wiped her mouth. “Hem, sorry Ade mbak.” I smiled too.

“Gak papa De's. Mbak know, if you are really hungry until that choking. Heheheh,” Andika just commented a thin smile.

“Hem, then thanks for the food. Ade wants to go ahead first,” Andika moved from her seat.

“Loh, the food is not finished De.”

“Ade already full mbak.” Andika went out. What's with the kid? Suddenly he did not finish his meal like this. It was not Andika as usual who always ate cleanly without the slightest residue. Today for the first time he left the food, let alone made from Andri directly.

I could only shake my head not understanding him. Then I saw the mother who seemed to be pushing her plate towards me.

“Bu,”

Mother got up from her seat and was about to pass from before me. I stood up and held my mother's hand.

“Mother, mother why? Food is not yet mother eat loh. I sit down and eat, okay?” talk me to mom.

Mom smiled thinly and then let go of my hand in her arm slowly, “Mommy isn't hungry Kei. I'm tired, I want to go home.”

“But bu-“ without listening to what I said first. My mother has passed before me. I could only stare at his back in a very clueless manner.

Why did mom, Andika and Andri after Paris make my mind go everywhere. What exactly happened? What happened made me not know.

Honestly, this all makes me really confused and makes me have to think hard about all this. O God, may nothing happen that makes me unable to accept it with a big heart.

Haikal:

Tuk...Tuk...Tuk...

The sound of a knock on the room table a few times I knocked a sign I was thinking. The brief encounter with Andri made me really surprised.

How not this self surprised, if Andri no desire to have children. On the other hand Keisha is struggling to have children without Andri's knowledge.

Actually what has happened to them, so that there can be a considerable difference of opinion. I know Keisha hasn't had a child in a long time and she's very eager to have a child with Andri. However, if one wants to and the other refuses, it will be difficult as well as the consequences. Especially this from the male side that can produce. If the man doesn't want it, it won't happen.

Actually I don't want to be too familiar with people's household affairs. It's just that this is related to Keisha, my patient who is being consulted to want to have children even though in the process of the healing stage of infertility.

They both love each other and love each other. But Andri does not want to have a child from his wife is not that a pretty unreasonable thing?

Even if he is not ready, it is impossible. In terms of age he is ripe to have children and indeed must have children especially for years already not gifted children by God. Especially in terms of material, it is already quite even advantages.

If it is about being busy because of his very busy work schedule, it is very unlikely.

Busy people who have a profession will definitely take time for their beloved family. Even if there wasn't, there must be something wrong with that person.

Right now I'm really in a dilemma. Want to tell this about Keisha but it's impossible too. It would cause misunderstanding in his family. I can't possibly get them into a fight over my complaint.

Maybe Andri has a reason I don't know, maybe so.

But on the other hand I also think with Keisha's ongoing consultation and treatment. If done it feels free when Andri does not want it to make everything feel useless.

I am currently checking Keisha's progress on my laptop. There have been developments in the last few weeks. And I called the last doctor who was monitoring Keisha's progress and told her the results.

And Keisha can be declared to have children, if he does so with the intention of lillahi ta’ala. If man says, all this is impossible. But if Allah says kun fayakun, then so be it with just a blink of an eye.

But I think everything would be in vain if her husband had no intention of it all. What is there is if I tell this to Keisha, will make her mind and become stressed. Then slowly but surely, his health will become declining and affect his desire to have children himself.

And until now I really have been in a confused position. Confused as his doctor and confused as his friend. If it had been like this I would have to be professional as a doctor I would not have told this to his patients for the sake of his health. He was already eager to cure his illness and I should not discourage him just because of the talk that did not know for sure the reason.

Andri:

“What Keisha wants to have a child?”

“But I don't want to have children,”

That short conversation was always in my head. My brief encounter with Haikal made the impression I did not want to have a child from Keisha. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that right now I really want to enjoy my time with Kania. And I had no thought of having a child with Keisha, absolutely no thought to it.

But why didn't Keisha tell me this? Why did he hide all this to me? Moreover, his doctor Haikal, the man who once asked him ta’aruf only the first time I proposed to him and Keisha chose me rather than Haikal. Maybe because Keisha liked me earlier than Haikal.

It's not that I'm jealous if Haikal becomes the doctor who handles Keisha, after all, I believe that Keisha loves me so much and she will never turn to another man unlike me.

After the meeting with Haikal earlier, throughout the dilift to the parking lot there was no more chat that we opened. Maybe our minds have been whirling everywhere. And I'm pretty sure that Haikal was thinking about the words I said to him.

Keisha struggles to have children but I don't. It was obvious on Haikal's face that he was thinking about it. I don't know if he'll tell Keisha this or not. I hope Haikal won't tell you this if he doesn't want his trust as a friend and patient to just disappear. Because Keisha believes in me rather than Haikal.

It is to be grateful that Keisha placed such great trust in me. It is only I who have betrayed his trust, in the meantime, let me take advantage of the trust Keisha has placed in me.

I also increased the speed of the car I was driving. I want to get home and ask her about why she didn't tell me about this. As her husband, I deserve to know, but what's the reason she covered all this up? as the head of the household must know more than others.if it is like this, I am a little disappointed with what has been decided by Keisha himself.

Apparently like this it feels disappointed when it is only because of a small problem. Especially if Keisha knows that I already have another wife, what kind of disappointment she is.

Ahh, stop. I don't want to think about how she feels, because my feelings are more important than her feelings. He's been hiding something so important from me.

...

...

...

Once home, I immediately put my car into the garage and got out of the car and walked into the house. I saw Keisha playing her phone in the family room.

He looked at me as I walked up to him. He also changed his position to sit with a smile that never separated from his face.

“Mas, you're home?” tanyakanya.

“Hem,” gumamku.

I also sat beside him, “Your business has finished Mas?” ask again.

Ahh, why did he ask so many questions like this. It made me suddenly get upset like this. I don't know why for the first time I got this sorry with Keisha who always asked a lot. I like the questions he always asks me. Now I don't like it. I'm completely different from the old Andri.

I could only answer his question with a nod of my head. It felt so lazy to talk to him when he found out he was hiding this to me.

“Kei,” I opened my voice wanting to ask him that.

“Iya Mas, why?”

“Tadi—“

“Oh yes!” keisha exclaimed quickly, cutting off my words.

“Why?”

“Tadi, mom and Andika come here Mas,”

Degh's!

Instantly my heart stopped beating when Keisha called mother and Andika. Have they both returned to Indonesia? So, our return schedule is the same? only the time of return is different. Oh gosh.

“La-lu?” many nervous.

Keisha just shrugged both shoulders with his face that looked confused, “I don't know Mas either. I just opened the door, my mother hugged me, tightly. Mom to cry as much as she pleased. I'm also confused as to why mom is like that. When I asked my mother why it was so, she just said that she misses me. Time yes kangen up to the whole Mas. Kan strange.” Keisha looked at my face carefully.

I can only swallow my choked saliva just like that. Confused to answer what. Did mom and Andika come here to tell you everything that happened in Paris? But if maybe it is impossible Keisha now can still look at me at least he immediately threw away his face because he was disgusted by my actions.

“About Mas know why mom behaved like that? Kei asked Andika also said she missed me. I think there's something they're hiding,”

I cleared my throat for a while neutralizing my nervousness to Keisha, it felt like from earlier my heart was beating very fast. Whether Keisha heard it or not. I hope he doesn't hear it. He might ask more.

“Hem, didn't mom say anything other than saying kangen to you?” I was trying to investigate.

Keisha seemed to be thinking and I was waiting for his answer while squeezing both my hands that had been sweating cold sweat. Sometimes I rub the nape of my neck. It feels like the air in this room feels very hot even though Keisha is turning on the AC.

Keisha shook his head slowly, “It seems like there is no deh Mas, yes just say kangen doang while crying. The rest is not there. Do you know why mom is so?” keisha asked back to make me shake quickly.

“Eng—No, I don't know anything. I'm just confused why mom can be like that to you. And Mas also just found out that mother and Andika just arrived in Indonesia.” I tried to explain it by reason of a lie.

“Hem so yes Mas. About mom why did it get there? Is there a problem? Did something happen? Make Kei curious know not Mas,”

“Ahh, why are you so curious about the attitude of such a mother!” I said a little annoyed with Keisha who tried to know more about the attitude of the mother like that.

Keisha was silent as I gritted her even if only slowly, “Mas.” called her slowly.

“Already, you do not find out why you can be like that. If mom says kangen ya kangen,” said me again and passed from the front Keisha into the room.

My frustration peaked when Keisha wanted to know. Because I don't want him to know any sooner with this secret. I still want to enjoy the beginning of my marriage with Kania instead of just being exposed.