Deposits
-Curhatan Heart

“The heart that was once grasped by others, now I have grasped it too. My principle, I will not release that heart from my grasp.until whenever I will not let it loose.”

- Canary

Keish:

Eungs...

I squirmed and rubbed my eyes. Trying to open both my eyes that felt very heavy. I fell asleep, my phone was still in my grasp. Intention to wait for news Andri was not resolved. I kept holding my cell phone without letting it go.

I tried to contact him but there was no connecting tone from there. Only from the center that tells that the number he is not active.

I don't know why he can't be contacted like this, it's only been 2 days he was in Paris. But he didn't tell me at all that made me worry. Trying to contact me was afraid to interrupt her time there, so I just called Ade.

It turned out that he was just as busy as he was to the salon in self-care, hahaha, there was-there was just my sister-in-law. At least it comforted my troubled heart a little.

Suddenly I felt thirsty, the water in the glass that I provided in the room was all gone. I also got out of bed with a giant step. Though today my activity is not too heavy, only in the morning go to consult as usual. Then after coming home from the consultation I also do my own activities in the house such as cleaning the house, washing clothes, watering plants and others.

Actually all I have done, it's just that I busy myself because my mind continues to ring with Andri. Because what if I keep quiet and keep thinking that is not necessarily the direction makes me tired even without having to work physically.

And this is me, I have felt a tremendous weakness all over my body. I went back to the room with the glass filled with water, and then I put it on the nightstand with my wedding picture frame with Andri.

Whether intentional or not, suddenly my hand was nudged into the picture frame and fell down until the glass was immediately broken.

I was shocked too, “Yes Allah!” screeched me while holding my chest which suddenly felt very tight.

What's the matter? Why is my feeling suddenly not good like this? What the hell's been going on?

Quickly, I cleaned the glass on top of my wedding photo. However, even my hands were scratched by the frame glass.

“Aw... shh..” I groan, blood comes out on my index finger. Not much, but why is it painful like this.

“Yes God, what is this? Why do I suddenly feel bad like this? Why is my chest tight, what is it exactly?” I kept stroking my chest which was getting stiffer every second.

Immediately I took a picture of my wedding and I put it on the thigh while wiping the photo, “Yes Allah, please take care of my husband there. I can't take care of her like I'm keeping her here, only you can keep her away from me. Please, protect her from any danger,”

I hope Sang-Khaliq will listen to my prayers. However, women's feelings are stronger than any other feeling. Indeed, from yesterday I did not hear the news coupled with today. So, I'm afraid he's why-why there.

May nothing happen there, he is always in the protection of the Almighty. I hope he comes home soon, because I miss him so much. Missing her matchless love.

I put my body back down while looking at my wedding photo with Andri who was smiling very satisfied facing the camera. I was leaning on her shoulder and she was embracing me tightly.

I can only smile in memory of those times, times when we were beset by love. And the time when we dated after marriage. Really, good times for both of us.

I elus Andri's face in the photo, “I love you Mas, love you so much. I want to confide can't I? I'm currently in therapy so I can have Mas's child. Whether or not I do not know, it is still a secret of God that I do not know. I as a human being can only strive, pray and strive with all that I have worked for. Let Allah be the one who gives the answer in all the waiting that God gives me,” I sighed, for some reason it stifles when talking like this.

“You want to know Mas? The doctor who handled my therapy was Haikal. My childhood friend as well as the man who once ran the ta’aruf period with me. At first I was very surprised because he became my consulting doctor. But how else, he will often meet me. You must really know this Mas, I was willing to decide ta’aruf with Haikal even though my ta’aruf time with Haikal was not finished. But I decided it because you came to propose to me at that time,”

I stared at the ceiling of my room, putting the photo on my chest. “That time I received your proposal and decided ta’arud with Haikal. I didn't know how Haikal felt back then because I decided unilaterally. Though the time that has been determined ta’aruf with it for 3 months, but I decided it at the time of the 2-month road. You want to know why I decided ta’aruf was Mas? That's because I've chosen you, I seduced the Creator in the third of my night to make you mine,” I closed my eyes, absorbed all my memories a few years ago.

“And now, everything has come true. You are mine and my husband. You also established your heart by choosing me to make me your wife. It just starts from admiring each other without being able to talk directly. Now I can have it all. Thank you, Mom, I am so happy. I feel more perfect by the love given by you. Thank you,”

I don't know who this curse is, but I have addressed this to my beloved husband. May Allah send this curse to him there who is far away in the eyes. Amens.