FIZAH (Female Kolong Garbage)
PART 102 "Aynur Identity"

*ratna

I approached Aynur. Women who are much more experienced browse the hot oasis. How long he has climbed the desert, how many miles he has stepped on his feet, how many minerals he needs to stay in the heat, and who he is with. Of all the questions I asked, there was no one he was hiding. He honestly said what it was. There are women whose lives are more horrible. A woman who has no provision of faith, lives in the occupation of rights and she can live it for many years. And, strangely enough, he was willing.

I don't know why he can live in peace. Though, this world would only glance at her as a dishonorable woman. Instead, he said he was the most honorable. Nothing is more honor than his honor. To that answer I was stunned.

This afternoon, I returned to greet him. I want to clarify his words.

"What do you mean at that time?"

"I just need to make money, but not by selling honor."

In front of him, I suddenly became a fool.

"But why are you in that place?"

"I am the village flower. Since I was fifteen, many men have come to propose to me. But, I'm considered a damned woman."

"Why can?"

"I'm not done talking. Just listen to me!"

I was silent for a moment.

"Why did I say that? I also do not understand what makes many men obsessed with me. That's what makes the women in my village have illogical thoughts. Think of me as a damned woman. He said, since I was visited by men, women are difficult to get a mate. To the men, I am the most honorable woman. But not for women. Including my family who then like a sloppy person, simultaneously threw me into the streets. They kicked me out on the grounds that they wouldn't be the subject of further gossip and curse. Moreover, from the man who proposed to me, there was not a single one that I accepted his proposal. Whoever rejects a man's proposal, he is considered to complicate his own soul mate later. It's kind of a curse for women. In fact, in the future, there are still those who come just to want to hear how I speak and reject men. Because the curse does not apply to me, many women are jealous. They're not like me."

"Do you have any advantages?"

"How do you think? What advantage did you catch when you talked to me?" He smiled strangely while looking at me meaningfully. The mysterious look.

"Maybe the way you speak makes other people more curious."

He smiled broadly. I don't know what that means.

"I thought to myself, many women are superior to me. But, the truth is other. The men commented, saying I'm different from other women."

"Why did you reject them?"

"I didn't want to get married at that time. My reason that he said was even a race event. He said I was an expensive woman. I'll continue. After I was banished, I met a helper. He's a psychic. He said, I have my own charm. There's a charm inside me. He's taking me to someone's mom. At first I thought my life was like being predicted would not survive and my passion would be broken. But who would dare to approach me? You have to spend a lot of money." At the end of the sentence he sizzled. Then, a horrible smile.

"Therefore, you say you are the most honorable?"

"Honor can never be exchanged for money. Even if those who have been with me consider it successful to buy my honor, but actually my honor is still intact."

Then I complained everything I knew from Aynur to Yazeed.

"Half of Aynur's soul is gone. That's what he didn't tell you. What she said, she remained a respectable woman, it was just her own way of staying alive. So that others still see her as a good woman even if she is. If he humbled himself, he would be haunted by a lifetime of fear and worry. He's fighting himself."

"But, who would have thought she was such an insane woman?" many wonder.

"He looks sane. He wasn't fully aware that he'd been used by someone else."

"Yaz, I don't understand. Since when has he been insane?"

"Why didn't he run away?"

"He is controlled by others. In the midst of his unconsciousness being taken advantage of by the psychic who helped him, it was as if he was fine beyond that fate misfortune to five years."

"When do you know he's not sane anymore?"

"A few months before I let go. I'm taking in a psychiatrist, posing as Aynur's tenant. All we did after was check on Aynur's true psyche."

"How much money did you spend?"

"Don't ask. It's none of your business, Na. It's been. You just need to take care of your gynecology. The point is, you and him are both victims."

"You saved people like us. Thanks, Yaz."

"Learn from Aynur. Stand with your feet. I can't continue to be the hope of the people here. Salat, salawat, and effort. God's forgiveness is much broader. I am a student like you. Keep thinking positive. Whatever the psychiatrist tells you, pay attention and do."

"Yes, Yaz. I'm a little bit better, even if the change isn't so big. Trust issues, I'll never be as easy as giving them."

"But trust that God is always there for His servant."

"Yaz, I heard you've been married three times, huh?"

He's nodding.

"I don't think a man like you would get that much of a life's ordeal."

"May it be a test that improves. Not a bala' for what I've done."

"meaning?"

"The test comes only to the believer. Not other than that."

"If I want to be here until later, what can I do, Yaz?"

"One day you will find the man who will marry you. You can't be here forever."

"Why did you think of that, Yaz?"

Yazeed ignored me.

"Yaz, I just haven't thought. I was just wondering what my fate and my son's gonna be."

That revenge is burning in my heart. And, I have sworn to pray for Mr. Su and the Judge to die in prison. I will not forgive him for the rest of my life. Nor would I admit it to being the biological father of the baby in my stomach. I'll never hold him responsible. I will not deal with him anymore. Because that name makes me feel worse. There is no cure yet.

"Yaz, is it possible that Mr. Su went to prison?"

"Propsy. Everything is still being worked on. But, don't expect me, Na. Ask God for everything."

"Yes, Yaz."

Yazeed always told me not to be burdened with anything. He treated me like the woman here. One by one, he came to the room. That's what he does if there's no need outside. She taught us to be good women, to be confident, to be independent, and to socialize with people from different backgrounds. I'm just one of the lucky girls who got help from him.