FIZAH (Female Kolong Garbage)
PART 29 "Back"
*ratna
"Where are Mom and Dad buried?"
"They are buried here. I'll take you if you want to go there. Now rest first. I'll get you some food, okay?"
"No need, Mom. We're still full" Fizah said.
"It's okay, Ma'am."
"Mom, really. Later," I said.
"Yes already. I'll get you a drink first." Rise up.
"Fried dad, gih!"
Mr. Abad is coming. His son who is still with us is very awkward. They chose to let us both.
"We need to get out of here, Zah."
"Don't you want to know first about your parents?"
"The longer we're here, they'll be curious about us. Can you answer when asked where we met? No, right?"
"But, you're, aren't you, a pilgrimage to your parents' graves?"
"So. We ask for directions only. No need to be accompanied. I'm afraid they know who we are, Zah. I'm not gonna let that happen. I'm scared."
"OKAY. I fuck you."
Buk Malikah came out to offer two glasses of warm tea.
"Worship nuwun, Ma'am." (Thank you, Mom)
"Mom, can I take you to the funeral now?"
Fizah looked at me. Directing his eyes towards the two glasses that were still hot. I don't understand what that means.
"Later after we drink, the genengan can deliver, right, Buk?" said later.
"Mbak Ratna can be here until later tonight. As long as Mom is here, only once can I speak directly with Ms Ratna. In the past, usually after Ms. Ratna came home from school, academic tutoring, continued afternoon until the mallem piano lessons, singing. I know it's you, Ma'am. Yes I'm happy. I accept with open arms that Mrs Ratna would like to be here. That house, Ratna's mother's house I mean. It was sold by another heir. The owner is now an artist. I hear you, art teacher at the high school in town. Widow son one. Rarely at home. They rarely socialize with people. I suggest Ms. Ratna meet the other family. They'll be very happy. After a long time they consider Mbak Ratna has died, of course the return of Mbak Ratna will be a surprise. Aye, right?"
Me and Fizah looked at each other. My goal now is just to go with him. The safest option than me was to go home to see them. I don't dare. If I was presumed dead, they would no longer be able to search for my whereabouts. It is precisely if I suddenly return, they will continue to question how I have been all this time. The truth is I'm far from a decent life. I have now become a filthy woman, desecrated.
My girlfriend, Ali, a man I had a secret relationship with when I was in tenth grade, may have had another boyfriend. Where she's actually still my own relative. But, no one knew including my father and mother. Unattached relationships, will definitely be easier to let go. There is no promise between us. I had forgotten about it when I started being a night woman under the trash. I am no longer the woman he deserves.
They are not with time. Even if I am still allowed to ask God, I ask Him for one thing, a man who will accept me for who I am. Who never looked at a woman like me as unclean. Could it be the man who helped me? What if fate had united us in another meeting?
I don't dare say much in front of Miss Malikah. I know they're a good family, but I don't feel safe and comfortable being around them. We say goodbye to the reason of going somewhere we cannot tell. Fizah who apologized profusely had been troublesome and ushered us to the tomb. Then, they confirmed our age asking to leave. And Fizah offered prayers in return for the family's Miss Malikah. Along with that, the rain fell.
Two tree branches whose leaves are still fresh green I stick in front of the tomb of papa and mama. Fizah taught me. He also told me a little bit about why he told me to put the twig down. The Prophet once listened to the tomb-dwellers shout in the grave. Until then the Prophet came, stuck a date palm, and prayed for it.
I watched Fizah pray. The mouth is like a sacred chanting kalam-kalam Lord. When the gravity of water falling to the ground causes a sound that relaxes the ears, then the sound of Fizah is much more melodious and beautiful. His voice was more like an antidote. I'm stunned. Who are you, Fizah?
*Hafizah Palace
Kediri Tulungagung Journey.
After arriving at Tulungagung town square, Ratna invited me to stop to buy some food. Yes rice or any food that can block the stomach. Food vendors are lined up around there. For a moment we were very interested because we were also hungry. But I forbid it. Our purpose here is to purify ourselves and perform the prayer of repentance. In addition, the money we brought was not much. Still left after we use to pay the cost of the motorcycle and the bus we boarded earlier. And, the rest is impossible for us to use to buy food while it is not halal money. Maybe there's another way we can still get dinner until tonight. With a slightly disappointed look on her face, Ratna kept listening to me. He's following me.
Meeting the crowd in front of the mosque, before my right foot stepped first, I took a moment and chanted a prayer. There is no end to me saying thank you. In the end, man will surely find his victory.
"May this favor not be a test. But, the fruit of patience that we have craved. Accept my steps towards Your house, O Malikul Mulk. Let us have minutes with you. Protect us from unfavorable views. Keep us from worrying." I put both my palms to my face.
I'm turning. I found Ratna watching me pray.
"Nhappain, Ratna? Come inside!"
He held my arm.
"Does a man like me deserve to enter this holy place? Look at those people worshiping. They teach, pray, and recite incessantly."
"Do you know what sins they have committed?"
Ratna shakes.
"So much as we. No one knows except God and our own hearts. Other people would only be able to be prejudiced as far as they thought. Ratna, you and I are the same. You are never guilty of what happened to you. We will find a solution together if Mr. Su and Mas Hakim fight us from afar. But, until now we are still safe. I hope it is always safe. Keep the name of God in your heart."