My Heart Was Wounded Deep
Chapter 47's

Rey did not answer. He just looked at Kikan while twirling his glass.

"I tried so hard to get away from you" said Kikan

"Oh my God, Kikan." Rey pressed her three fingers on the forehead. "I don't know what else to do."

Her desperate tone made Kikan a little nervous. "About..."

"I can't forget those few minutes on the dance floor."

Worried that Jason was walking back, Kikan looked towards the restroom. Fortunately, he had not seen his son. "Why?" kikan asked, as if he had not thought about it twice.

"You don't feel anything?" Rey asks Kikan, eager for Kikan to answer.

Kikan went back to sipping water. "If you mean the man who fumbled at me, I'm grateful you came. Seventeen years have passed, but even I'm not that desperate" Kikan said.

Rey's jaw is hardened. "You knowingly misunderstood."

"Nothing happened anymore."

Rey lowered her voice. "I want to sleep with you. I know this isn't fair to you, after what you've been through. That makes me feel like a coward, for having that desire, and for admitting it. But that's the truth."

Kikan bends the fingers into the palm of the hand. "You were drunk last night" said Kikan.

"And now?"

What's Rey talking about? And why did he say it? "It's taboo."

"Taboo." Rey repeated it while laughing.

"Yes. You're interested in something that's not good for you. Or maybe this...." Kikan got an explanation for himself "The feeling of loss is like that of others, when someone who has always admired them has moved on. They can't lose their attention, even if they don't really want that person."

"I'm not arrogant enough to expect you to admire me without me having to reciprocate" Rey said with a grin.

Kikan's looking for Jason again. "OKAY. Find your own explanation. Just ignore the tease and it will go away on its own. That's what happened first."

Rey resuscitated the body. "So you brought up the past to fight me."

"No, i... I didn't mean to," Kikan said nervously. "I'm sorry that my return made everyone difficult, but I tried to make it as easy as possible."

"And is that what you're doing now?" ask Rey.

"What do you mean?"

"You shut yourself off from me completely."

"I can't believe you said that. I didn't close myself. You don't really want me!" kikan.

"How do you know, what do I want?" ask Rey.

" Can we not talk about it, I don't feel hate, but we've been through this, remember?" kikan.

"Now we're different" Rey replied.

"Not really. So one of us has to look after the other, not to make a big mistake."

"Huge mistake? Very good, you're a very careful person."

Kikan leaned towards Rey. "Are you insinuating again?"

Rey sighs. "I'm always thinking about us. What we used to be. You said it's been seventeen years since you've been in a relationship with a man."

"So I'm the only guy who's ever touched you" Rey said.

Feeling uneasy continuing this conversation, Kikan stood up. "I'm sorry if I can, I'm going to the restroom too" Kikan said. And make sure Jason's back in his seat when he gets back.

.

What the hell are you doing? Think Rey.

He doesn't know. His head was still dizzy despite taking medicine before coming to this restaurant. His mouth felt dry, no matter how much water he drank. He had to work physically for the next six to eight hours to remodel the kitchen, which is not easy considering the situation now. And he's very confused.

Does he have to be quiet about what he feels? does it scare Kikan?

Might as well. But maybe that's what he subconsciously meant. If Kikan wants to give me a little response last night... Who knows what will happen next?

Rey doesn't want to hurt Kikan anymore. He knows that right. He hated how much he hurt Kikan.

" Can I have a Pah?"

While trying to divert his mind, Rey paused for a bit with a fork half in her mouth to look at her son. Jason told Kikan about a friend who hit him in the car door and broke his fingers. It's not a pleasant conversation to have while eating, but Rey doesn't want to interrupt. Kikan seemed eager to hear whatever Jason said, so Rey followed the conversation. "He can what?"

" Come tonight.I told Mom papa would cook a barbecue for dinner and after that we'll watch a movie."

" Hmm, of course." Rey doesn't mind, but she hesitates that Kikan will come. Not after last night.

" It's okay" Kikan told Jason. "It's the weekend. Your father may have other plans."

" Now Papa doesn't go that often" Jason said. I always ask him to find a partner. He'll be alone after I go to college. But I don't remember the last time Papa brought a woman home."

" Your mother doesn't need a report about my love life, suits." last night they went outside, right? and he regretted it.

" I'm just saying papa likes to make barbecues, right?"

Rey finished off her orange juice. "I'm glad I did."

" Tuh, right? Jason looked back at Kikan, but when Kikan looked hesitant, Jason said, "Mom doesn't want to come?"

Rey knows, when Jason asks a second time, Kikan will do whatever he can to convince his son.

" I want to come!" kikan. "What time?"

Jason looked at Rey. "Hour 18.00?"

" I agree" Rey said.

Kikan smiled, but Rey could tell that there was a hint of doubt behind that smile. "I'll come" he said

" I'm going to pick up Mom" Jason said, and Kikan nodded.

When the waiter arrives, Rey pays for their breakfast, though Kikan protests. Later when they get out, Jason meets up with his schoolmate and pauses briefly to say hello, which gives Rey and Kikan time together.

" Don't worry about tonight" Rey murmured.

" I don't want to worry" Kikan said.

Rey laughs. "Why? if you don't have feelings for me like you said, I can be rejected easily."

Rey assumes Kikan will let her say, but she surprises Rey. "There is always a possibility that I used you to s***." Kikan smiled sweetly. "After all, seventeen years is a long time."

Rey believes Kikan thinks he can catch the last word, and therefore he doesn't let go. "If there's a chance I can fill that position, just call me. I'll always be ready" Rey said and had to laugh as Kikan's eyes widened in shock.