My Heart Was Wounded Deep
Chapter 53's

"Kikans?" Rey called. He saw someone or something. And since Kikan is on foot and hasn't been gone more than ten minutes, he can't be too far.

Despite being able to hear Rey call out her name, Kikan remained silent.

" Come on answer me, my God! I'm sorry about my mom. But I can't control or change it like you can't control or change your mother."

Rey banged around with a stick next to a small bonsai plant near the river, hoping to find Kikan and eventually manage to get the woman out

" It's really unnecessary" Kikan said.

As soon as she heard the woman's voice, Rey tried to pull her out even in the dark, "Here you are apparently!" said Rey.

"I thought you'd given up and left."

"Of course not" Rey said.

"I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I don't want to make you any more difficult."

"Makes me in trouble?" reset Rey. "I can't believe you left without saying goodbye. Or bring a towel, you'll be cold."

"Slightly," Kikan confessed. "It's also funny to know what cold looks like when you're wet."

"I brought you a towel." Rey got back in the car to get a towel. Hoping Kikan would follow him but he didn't. "You left your camera and bowl in my house." He called out back.

"You didn't bring it? My camera at least." asked Kikan.

Rey heard a hopeful tone in Kikan's voice. But as soon as her mother gets home, Rey doesn't have time to think about anything else but towels. He's in such a hurry. "I've got another Jason picture I can give you, if you're going home with me."

Rey wanted to calm Kikan down, at least returning him to the joyful mood like before.

But Kikan remained unmoved while hugging his own body and rubbing his arms. "No, it's okay. Maybe you could send him through Jason sometime when we meet if..." His voice swallowed. "If you still let her see me."

So that's what's on his mind? Kikan thought he had jeopardized his position with Jason no wonder he was trembling. Rey knows how much it means to meet their son for Kikan. "Of course I let you meet Jason. You think I'm upset about what happened? that I blame you?"

" I should have prevented you" Kikan said.

" I hope you're kidding. You groan when I touch you. Exactly that's the reaction I expect from you."

As soon as Rey said that. Kikan turned around and walked quickly as if he could not stand his own reflection, but Rey ran after him. "Wait on! It's not a big deal, okay? Maybe it does seem like it's because you haven't been in contact with men for so long. But we're not making love. Will you take all that regret away?"

Rey grabs Kikan's shoulder and stretches out the towel. "Let me drive you home."

Kikan refused to get close to him. But the woman bit her lip as she looked towards the road. He probably thought about how long and difficult it would be to get back to the trailer on foot. Not to mention that dark days make things worse.

" I told Jason I'd take you, '" Rey persuaded. "So I'll just follow you if you don't want to. Then we'll both take hours. And imagine the sight that everyone passing by would see."

Rey is eager to wrap an arm around Kikan's body, helping to warm him up, but the woman is too frightened to let him get close. "good. Let's go." Bring Rey.

They return to the pick up, but Kikan waits until Rey sits behind the wheel before she herself gets in. Then he sat as far away as possible and did not speak the whole way home.

Shortly before they arrive, Rey attempts to start a conversation. "I'm sorry if what I did at the pool pissed you off."

" I'm not upset" Kikan said.

" You seem more than upset. You look so sorry."

" Let's pretend it never happened.I'm sorry for having been carried away and."

" It wasn't you who did it" Rey said. "But I."

Kikan focused his gaze on something outside the window. "Nobody to blame, it's a nice night. We're just a little confused at the end."

" Confused?" Rey repeated. "About what? I want to touch you. I admit it." He plays the voice. "And you seem to like it."

" As you said, I haven't been with anyone in seventeen years. Sometimes I want that kind of contact. Everyone wants it."

Kikan doesn't need to be so defensive. Rey understands. It had not been too long for him alone, but he also wanted that kind of contact. "So it's not just me who can arouse your desires."

Kikan's forehead wrinkled. "What do you mean?"

" Any man can do that to you? make you passionate?"

Kikan glared at Rey. "We'd better not talk about that anymore."

Rey sighs. Kikan doesn't believe him, and Rey can't blame him. He himself could not even think of anything to say that could make Kikan change his mind, because he could not promise in the future what it would be like. Rey only knows she likes what she has seen in Kikan so far. Perhaps Kikan views himself as a poor ex-convict who is hated by the public. But what Rey sees is a beautiful woman who has fortitude, honesty, humility, devotion to loved ones, and courage to face any risk to be a part of their lives. Why can't Rey love him?

" What if I told you that I want you to go with me and my friends to a weekend cabin come over to celebrate my birthday?" ask Rey.

" I'll answer that you should invite someone else" Kikan said.

" You didn't even consider it for a moment."

" It's not necessary. I'm still sick of what happened a few minutes ago, when I thought I had ruined the opportunity and you wouldn't let me meet Jason. I don't want that to happen again" Kikan said, then got out of the car.

He rejected it completely. Rey is a bit shocked after the one she went through with Kikan, Rey thinks the woman will fall in her arms. Going out with him, obviously requires a huge leap of faith. Rey thinks Kikan likes her like he likes Kikan, maybe so. But all of this is too risky and Kikan is too afraid to get hurt like he used to. Rey thought she would slowly try to convince Kikan to take this big risk.

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