My Heart Was Wounded Deep
Chapter 73's

The shock from the cold water helped him. At least give Kikan something else to think about. Her mother was right, she shouldn't have come here. Kikan is tempted to forget who he is and why he should be more careful than most women. Other women like Cindy, who seem to be better able to face sensual temptations calmly and casually.

While telling himself that he would eventually find someone else, someone who truly loved him, Kikan continued to swim, further and further away from the edge of the lake. When he looked back he could see the lights in the cottage seemed dimmer, but he did not care. If possible, he would choose to swim to the house. It's so quiet and peaceful out here, and he doesn't have to see Cindy with Rey. There was no need to look at the expression on the man's face that showed he was the one Rey wanted.

Maybe he should ask Jason to create a profile on match.com. If you start dating, your attention will be distracted, maybe it can also prevent you from making other mistakes.

Kikan faintly heard his name being called. But it's late. No one could have noticed he left the room.

Kikan just kept swimming.

Then the voice sounded again. Apparently Rey. He was standing by the lake. Kikan could not see his face clearly, the floodlights from the cottage created a circle around his head, but Kikan was able to recognize him by instinct. Who else will be looking for him? Rey has been following him all night, all the while trying to get rid of Cindy.

The vibration that Kikan felt the last few minutes was getting stronger. He can't face Rey alone and in the dark. He will not be able to separate what is real and what is only part of the fairy tale.

Kikan thought that if he ignored her, Rey would probably go back inside and leave her. Apparently not. Next thing he knows Rey took off her shirt so just put on boxer pants and went into the lake.

" You're a long way away" he exclaimed.

" Don't worry" Kikan exclaimed. "I'm doing fine. I'm just.. I'm out for a relaxing swim."

Rey didn't go back to the lake. He swam to Kikan. When they were a meter and a half away, he stopped and tracked down the water trail. "Let's pull over" said Rey. "We're talking in there it's not safe, and you had a few drinks."

" I'm not drunk. I wasn't even dizzy." before Kikan had indeed had a little drink, but he had been careful with drinking only in measurable amounts.

" Nobody swims in the middle of the lake in a dark setting, especially when the weather is very cold" Rey said. "What's wrong?"

" There's nothing. I need to clear my mind, that's all."

" I think being cold to death won't help anything. This water comes from a source that flows from the mountains, for God's sake this will not get any warmer with the night breeze like now.

" Go. I'll be there any minute." said Kikan.

" Is it because of Cindy?" ask Rey. "Because I don't have any feelings for him. If I could choose, he wouldn't even be here."

Kikan wiped the water off his face. "Why am I here? That's what I can't understand. Why did you invite me when you knew there would be a lot of friends coming?"

" Why do you think?" ask Rey.

" I thought you wanted to sleep with me. But you can't get near me at home. Asking me to join you in a situation like this, when everyone has a partner is like giving an open statement."

" Then what? I'm struggling with all the contradictions that people accuse me of. I finally realized that you didn't want me. And now you want the opposite?" kikan.

Rey pulled the hair out of her face. "It's not fair, I know. I don't understand why things are like this. But ever since you got home it feels like you're the one I've been waiting for."

" You must be more dazed than I am." Kikan started to move away.

" Don't go far!" Rey exclaims. "You're making me nervous here."

Kikan ignored Rey. "I wasn't good enough for you back when High School and, after seventeen years in prison, I haven't even been able to be independent. I struggle day by day to meet the most basic needs. How could I possibly make someone like you interested?" And more importantly, what did he have to make this man stick with him? He can't afford to go through anything he's ever missed before, especially with the same person.

Rey swam vigorously to close the distance between them. "I never believed you weren't good enough for me. Not in my heart. And that's what I'm supposed to believe, if only everyone hadn't influenced me."

" But they're your parents, your friends.they didn't leave you," Kikan argued." They'll come to you, say the same things!"

" They won't make me wobble, Kikan. This time, though. I'm sorry I let them do it first."

When it gets close enough, Rey grabs it and Kikan doesn't fight back. Rey is too strong. After all, Kikan didn't want to fight back. He wanted to believe in Rey, only he wasn't sure if he could do that. Not after nearly decades of receiving only one or two letters from him. "You don't have to apologize anymore. That's not what I'm looking for..."

" But I want you to understand." Rey hugged him tightly, clearly trying to channel the warmth of his body, as Kikan shivered. "I guess I was too young and inexperienced to be the only one who saw how amazing you were. I doubted myself, succumbing to the pressure and blindness of those I trusted to guide me. I didn't realize they were looking in all the wrong directions. They saw the garbage piling up around your mother's house, your mother's phobia, the old clothes you always wore, which were always black. Your attitude is always against. And they can't see what really matters."

Kikan is even more confused." And what is it? I'll forever be my mother's son, Rey. If I can be independent, I plan to get help for him, but I doubt if he will. You can't force someone to go to therapy. I'm guessing my mom will stay the way she is now."

" I don't want to be with your mother. I want to be with you."

" But he's part of my life! and so is the stigma that has been attached to me!" kikan.

" What matters is that you have the best heart I've ever met." Poking their eyebrows together, Rey cupped Kikan's face." And you're the most forgiving, simple, and generous person I've ever met. Which man is unhappy with someone like you?"

Kikan's trying to get away." You don't mean it."

Rey grabs Kikan's arm before he can break free. "I mean it with every word I say. I know it's hard for you to trust me. But now that I have much greater self-confidence as I grow older, I trust you far more and what we might face. That's why I hope..."

Kikan's breath was blocked as soon as he looked at Rey. "What?"

" I hope you give me another chance" Rey said.