Stuck With My First Love
Temporary Happiness

My marriage to Coco has been going on for almost five months. As a normal woman, of course I yearn for a child to be immediately present in our household nipper. A child who is the fruit of our love. But five months on, I haven't had any signs of pregnancy.

To a woman and a former nurse, I know very well that pregnancy is the most beautiful miracle God has given to married couples. Pregnancy can be medically planned and programmed, but Coco and I deliberately let it go naturally. Without any compulsion to get pregnant. We enjoyed our moments together.

Although sometimes without me knowing, I also hope to get pregnant soon. Because the pregnancy phase is one of the important phases of a woman. Being pregnant, having a baby and having a child is a happiness for a woman, no exception to me. Because it is the nature given by the Almighty to a creature named WOMAN.

Sometimes I feel disappointed when I was 1—2 weeks late, then I tried a pregnancy test pack in the hope that I was pregnant. But the result is always negative. The next week I came by the moon.

Coco always cheered me on that it didn't matter that I wasn't pregnant. We were also married for a few months.

“That means that it is a sign we are told to be diligent for my husband's son” who deliberately teased me.

“Emang for kids easy?”grumbling

“Kan every malem we make. Now means to be more diligent again”goda Coco to me

I who know the direction of perverted speech can only smile while pinching his waist slowly.

“Hisshh”

Coco kissed my forehead and hugged my body to calm me down.

“Don't think too much. Let it all flow like water. If it's time, I'm sure God will give it to us, okay?”he said softly to me

I nodded slowly.

And then, it happened what my husband said. He was getting excited because of his words earlier. Must be “more diligent for him”.

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The seventh month of marriage.

I am late for the moon again. Because already, only 1-2 weeks late I have tested for pregnancy. That month I let the week change. Because I'm afraid of being disappointed like I was.

But strangely until the third week I still have not come to the moon. I also started to suspect. I may not be pregnant. When I expressed my suspicions to Coco, she lightly said,

“Try waiting another week. Later if it has not come the month as well, we check to doctor”

I also follow. Although I am, of course, anxious.

In the fourth week, which Coco promised, I was also escorted to the obstetrician. We deliberately went directly to the doctor so that we could immediately see the results of the USG. Because if I use a test pack, I'm afraid I'm disappointed again.

Armed with my knowledge during my time as a nurse, if it has been 1 month or 4 weeks late, and if I am actually already pregnant, then the results of the ultrasound will show the pouch of pregnancy in my womb. I estimate my gestational age is between 7-8 weeks. That's if I'm really pregnant.

Coco and I went to see an obstetrician in my town. Along the way I was very nervous, worried mixed with deep curiosity. Because only this time I was late for 1 month. Coco who was driving just kept holding my hand. Maybe he wants to calm me down.

“Sayang”take it soft

“Remember, we check with the doctor just to make sure your condition. I hope you don't expect too much. Because it's not necessarily too late because you're pregnant. You know that, right?”

“Iya, I know”

“Do not be nervous huh?”

I nodded slowly.

Arriving at the obstetrician's clinic, we immediately did the registration. We waited for our turn. I can't deny, I'm very nervous. Coco who seemed to see the worry in my eyes, continued to hold my hand and encourage me.

One by one the patients were called in for examination. Finally it was our turn to consult a doctor. After submitting my complaint, I was directed to the bed to be examined by a doctor using ultrasound.

When the doctor started applying gel liquid over my stomach then put the transducer over my stomach to check my uterus. And when the pregnancy bag was seen on the monitor, I couldn't cover my happy feelings. Because I'm actually pregnant. Although the fetus in my womb is not yet visible, but the pouch of pregnancy

shows that I'm pregnant. My happy tears can't stand it anymore.

“Congratulations sir, your wife pregnant”pap doctor on Coco

I see Coco still confused by the happy news given by the doctor.

“This bag is already visible. You also see, right?”

“Iya dok”

“This pregnancy bag will later be the container of the baby's grandpa”clear doctor

Coco then kissed my forehead gently.

After the examination, the doctor gave me some vitamins and pregnancy supplements. I was also asked to come back for control in a month.

After returning from the doctor, all the way home, Coco continued to hold my hand and kiss the back of my hand. I see she's also very happy to know I'm pregnant.

I immediately contacted Mother's Father via video call.

“Bunda”

“What's dear?”

“I'm pregnant Bund”

“Really? Alhamdulillah”

I see Father and Mother very happy to hear the news of my pregnancy. Mother to shed tears, making me also moved.

“Remember darling.don't be too tired ya”message Mommy

“Iya Bunda”

“Happy darling..Mother snaff again so eyang princess nih”

I am happy to see my parents happy too.

“You'll be a parent again.you have to be prepared.so the parent is not easy. Learn more patient Yes Vi”Message Daddy

“Iya Daddy” replied me

“Jaga Vivi yes Co.because the first time pregnant Vivi also until bedrest. Don't let Vivi get tired”Message Daddy to my husband.

I also immediately reported the news of my pregnancy to Mama and Papa. I saw them

also glad to hear the news.

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During my pregnancy, Coco became very protective of me. I am not allowed to do any strenuous activity. I was only allowed to take care of his needs. Sometimes I get disappointed because I get bored. No chance to do anything else. I ended up reading a lot of books

and articles about pregnancy.

Coco calls me every day to make sure I take the milk, vitamins and pregnancy supplements that the doctor gave me. Now I feel what Anti felt when I asked her to buy lingerie before my wedding. Because Coco seems to be as protective of me. But I also realized it was a sign of his love for me. I finally slowly received all of Coco's treatment for me.

Ever since we got married, Coco's been hugging my body. Since I was pregnant, she had a habit of stroking my stomach before going to bed. There was just his behavior. I was only 7 weeks pregnant. The length of the fetus usually reaches 12 mm.

By 7 weeks of pregnancy, the digestive system has begun to develop and several respiratory tracts have begun to form in the heart area. The shape of his arms and legs and the prospective fingers have begun to be seen clearly. The eyelids and nose also begin to form. Overall, the baby looks like a baby. But the baby is still very small.

During my pregnancy, I had no morning sickness. Nausea and vomiting during pregnancy. I am thankful that I did not experience any complaints during my pregnancy. I can eat and drink anything I want.

After a month from the last schedule I checked with the doctor, then I went to check my uterus with an obstetrician. Coco also took me to check.

“Why you?”ask Coco to me

“Ah ga papa”

“Why?”

“Kok my stomach is still flat huh?”

“Kan said every pregnancy is different”

“Iya sih”

“Udah do not need to think about the ga ga.the important thing is that you are healthy”

I nodded slowly.

Once we get to the clinic, we register and check in. As long as Coco's queue keeps calming me down. As soon as the time came for us to check, as in the last check we did, the doctor asked me a few things. Then I was directed to the patient's bed to see the condition of my fetus.

When the doctor started moving the USG transducer, my feelings became more and more uneasy. Because on the monitor screen I only see pregnancy bags. My 11-week-old foetus is completely invisible. I immediately limp. The doctor said nothing either.

Finished in check, though,

“Bapak and I saw earlier right on the monitor?”

“Iya doc..I saw” unknowingly my tears dripped without me being able to stand it.

Coco who saw me cry became worried.

“Why you baby?”

“Mom already know what it means?”

“I'm a former nurse dok”ucapku while wiping my tears using a tissue that Coco proffered.

The doctor looked at us both.

“Oke..I explained a little yes sir.so as you can see on the monitor earlier, there is only a pregnancy bag but the mother's father's fetus is not visible there. Though according to estimates, the mother's pregnancy has entered 11 weeks which means the size of the fetus is approximately 12 mm. Should have been on the monitor earlier we've seen the fetus. But in fact not”

“So what does doc mean?”

“Means the pregnancy experienced by Vivi's mother is called an empty pregnancy or blighted ovum. It's a condition where the fertilized egg or sperm*ma is not so good that the fetus can't develop”

“Then how is the next dock?”

“The pregnancy pouch must be cleaned so that the mother can get pregnant again”

“When is doc?”coco asked while holding my hand.

“Monday next week yes.I give you a letter of introduction. Mom can take him to the hospital. I will handle” later

“The mother is patient yes.events like this can not be prevented. But mom is young. She could also get pregnant again. Don't stress.yes ma'am?”doctor's message to me

I nodded slowly.

I'm still in shock. When I had just experienced the happiness of being a pregnant woman, but in fact my happiness was only pseudo. Because my fetus can't develop. Empty pregnancy or blighted ovum. I realize that such an event cannot be prevented. For everything is with the permission of the Supreme

Power.

But it still feels very sad.

Along the way home, I was quieter. I'm still very sad. Several times I wiped my dripping tears. Makes Coco worry about me.

“Honey.don't be sad ya”

I tried to smile but it was very difficult to do. Make Coco then pull over the car.

Coco hugged my body. Made my defense collapse instantly. I was crying in my husband's arms. I felt very sad because apparently God did not want us to be parents. Instantly my dream of cradling our two hearts just vanished.

“Already.don't be sad.maybe now is not the time we become parents. We must establish ourselves first before God gives us momongan”

“Ga papa.this is nobody's fault. We are only human, dear.all is the power of the One Above. We've been trying. If it turns out that God has not willed, we must accept it. Don't be sad again huh?”

I nodded slowly in Coco's arms. He who can always calm my turbulent heart. Though I also know, she must be very sad like me.

I let myself out of his arms. Coco wiped the tears on my cheek while smiling.

“Ga papa..later we make more that many”goda Coco to me

It made me smile to hear my husband's temptation.

“You know how to doang”gerutuku while pouting makes Coco pinch my nose

Then we went home. I'll get the news to everyone soon. I knew our parents were sad but they were all trying to strengthen us both.