Stuck With My First Love
Goodbye

Finally when the departure arrived. My steps are getting more and more shaky. My body trembles. My feelings are getting worse. But I tried to cover it up. I also shook hands with her mom and dad to accompany her departure. Her mother hugged me and whispered something in my ear.

“Thanks”whispers

The tears I held all this time, finally spilled. I also cry with sadness.

While shaking with his papa, he stroked my head gently without a word spoken. Then they both went to check passports and tickets.

Now it's just me and Coco. He's Mataku. The love of my life. The man I love so much. Who filled my life with happiness.

L'm..I'm not ready to say goodbye to him. Split with. I still want to be with him. Still want to see his face and hold his hand. Because I love her so much.

I saw her teary eyes staring at me wistfully. I'm sure he felt the sadness I felt. Suddenly he pulled my hand towards her. Makes me for the umpteenth time fall and hit his chest that field. Then she hugged my body tightly. Real tight.

My heart is completely broken. It was like being stabbed by thousands of swords. Really sick. It turns out that parting with the person we love so much is as sad and painful as this. I could only cry in his arms. We hugged very tightly. Getting tighter. As if we didn't want to say goodbye. I want to be with him longer.

I tried to strengthen my wounded heart. Injured by this farewell. I slowly let go of my arms with my head down. I couldn't look him in the eye. The eyes I will always miss. The eye that set it.

She wiped the tears on my cheek gently. He grabbed my chin and then raised my head. Make our eyes look at each other. Her eyes are so beautiful. As beautiful as I have been with him all this time. We don't speak to each other. But our hearts are linked.

Suddenly his head approached me. I could only close my eyes. I could feel her warm lips tipping my forehead.

I opened my eyes slowly.

“Wait for Me” he said cheering me on with a smile.

I nodded slowly.

We both smiled together. He put the hat he was wearing on my head. Slowly he began to walk away from me. My hand held her hand tightly. Then slowly my hand was released with his departure at that time.

We also split up. At the airport, we split up. I waved my hand at her and she stepped away leaving me alone while staring at her disappearance in endless sobs.

Before I got further away, I saw his hand give me a sign

“ I.. L..Y.. “ I LOVE YOU the meaning of the sign.

My heart is getting more and more turbulent. The sadness in my heart deepened. I could not resist the pace of my increasingly unstoppable tears. I returned the signal while shedding tears.

“I .. L .. Y”

The longer I saw him getting away and finally disappearing from the crowd of passengers.

Suddenly my phone rings. Apparently he called me.

“Do not cry” he said gently

“I sent something ya”

“What is it?”ask me while sobbing

“Let's before the plane take off”

“Pick up this is my birthday gift for you”

We also talked. He tried to calm me down. She didn't know that her voice made me sad.

"Don't be sad, I'll call you when I get there"

"Yes. I know"

"I'll call you every day, too. I promise"

"Don't make promises you can't keep"

"I'm serious Vi. I'll definitely call you. You will not feel lonely again"

"Basic gumbal"my grumbling made us laugh.

His voice and his laughter will always be missed.

" Vi?"

"What?"

"Perform your heart to me.. Because I'll keep my heart just for you"

Why should this sick man give up my love for him? Why do we have to separate when we love each other?

Oh my God, how hard I feel this trial..

"Yes" I said with a slight sobbing while holding tightness in my chest.

"I love you dear"

"I love you too" I said as I squeezed the edge of my shirt and my crying became more and more but I held my voice so that Coco would not hear it.

This whole thing is really painful. So hurt.

He started getting ready to get on the plane. The plane will soon take off. He said goodbye to me. My crying is becoming.

" I'm leaving first"

“Goodbye Co" I said then I hung up on that phone.

That was the last time I heard his voice.

My heart is getting sad.

My chest feels tight.

He has gone.

I've lost her.

He whom I love with all my heart.

He filled my days with his love.

I'm sad.

This mind is struggling.

He is the man I love very much.

He was my first love.

*

*

*

*

I tried to walk home, but my legs felt limp. Like powerless.

I feel my phone shaking. When I opened my phone it turned out he sent me selfie photos that we took while at home. When he was sick first.

It turned out that this was the delivery he was referring to earlier.

Very beautiful photos of our togetherness. That would be the best memory for me. Memories with.

Then there's a video post that I really can't remember when I took it. The video shows me sleeping in her room at the time. The two-minute video was filmed while I was fast asleep.

I saw there, suddenly he approached me, stroked my hair, held my face, then he…

KISSED ME!!!

Kissing my lips??

The dream I had at the time was true. He kissed me. Coco kissed my lips.

I held my lips together with tears that never stopped. Shown back to that feeling, when he kissed my lips. A gentle touch on my lips at that time.

My legs feel weaker. I fell down and sat on the floor.

I could only cry so badly.

My body trembles.

I feel claustrophobic.

This sadness is so painful.

Why did my love story end like this?

When I loved him so much, and he loved me so much.

Whyyy???

I'm very sad.

My first love is over.

My love has left me.

The one I love has gone..

Can I live without it?

Without him by my side?

Can this servant of yours live days without himself by my side again?

I feel like my whole happiness is going with him

I can love anyone but him

He has been a part of my life

He is the love of my life

*

*

*

*

I feel someone helping me stand up. Apparently it's Anti. I'm holding onto him. My body trembles. Anti sat me in the waiting chair. I also cried in Anti's arms. He tried to calm me down. She was crying with me too.

“Tak what Vi.. You must be strong. Remember his love for you.”

“He went An...he went..Coco go An.I.I.I've lost her An.."

“I won't see him again”

“I..lost him”

"I'm not gonna see him again"

"Prophe Vi. You must be strong"

"It hurts An.. "

"Yes. I know"

"Cocoooo"

My chest is getting crowded.

My heart feels pain.

So hurt.

I'm so sad.

These tears flowed more and more as I remembered her who had left me.

I never thought it would be like this at last, my love story with him.

I lost the love of my life.

I lost her.

I don't know when I'll see you again.

I'm sad.

At the airport, I let go of the man I loved, who also loved me very much. The man who always made me happy when I was with him. The man who always looked after me. The man I thought would be my future.

Now he's gone. Gone from me. Bringing all my love and happiness.

He is the love of my life.

*

*

*

*

I finally got home with Anti. I did ask him to follow us all the way to the airport, unbeknownst to Coco and her family. Because I know I wouldn't be strong if I had to go home alone.

On the way home, I was quieter. I look at the vehicles that pass by. Mind empty. I'm gamang. I also daydream. Imagine every moment with him. The memory is back in my mind. If only I could turn back the time that has passed.

The singing in the car made me feel so late in my grief. The my immortal belonging to Evanescence I heard felt very piercing into my heart.

I'm so tired of being here

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

Depressed by my childish fear

If you have to leave

And if you have to go

I wish that you would just leave

I hope you just leave

'Because your presence still lingers here

Because your presence is still here

And it won't leave me alone

And your shadow won't leave me

These won't seem to heal

This wound will never heal

This pain is just too real

This pain is real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

There are too many things that time cannot eliminate

When you married I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you cry, I'll wipe away all your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your years

When you want to scream, I'm gonna blow away all your fear

I helped your hand through all of these years

I held your hand all year

But you still have all of me

But you still have me

You used to captivate me

You used to charm my heart

By your resonating light

With your thrilling light

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Now I'm tied to the life you left behind

Your face it haunts

Your face is haunting

My once pleasant dreams

My dreams were fun

Your voice it chased away

Your voice is dispelling

All the sanity in me

Sanity in me

* I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone*

Just trying so hard I told myself you were gone

But though you're still with me

But even if you're still with me

I've been alone all along

All this time I was alone