WHEN LOVE IS TESTED
Meet the ex

“Love is a feeling that must be present in every human being, it is like a drop of dew, which descends from the sky, clean and

holy, it is only the land that different receive it. If he falls into a barren land, there will grow despicable things, but if he falls on a fertile land, there will grow purity of heart, and other things that are praiseworthy, so basically, this life would be much more glorious, if it were each other

be attached. However, love will not be present if only hope, love will be present if we divide each other” I fold a paper containing this small note, which I took from the writing of the late Professor Doctor Buya Hamka.

Yes, that love must be shared with each other, then I will share this love with you son, I elus my stomach, now my gestational age has entered the age of four months in the womb. Not felt, but this fetus continues

growing up in my womb, even as I get older, the more pain I feel.

Every time I check my uterus, the doctor's advice remains the same.

“Mother Anjani, must immediately change the decision, even though this fetus grows normally, but I do not recommend that you continue to maintain the womb of Ibu“

The voice continues to echo in my eardrum, “No, I will still bring him to this world, he is my son, my flesh and blood, I will not kill him, no matter what happens“ I round out my resolve.

I tidied up the papers between books that I hadn't read in a long time, this room, I miss it, yes.

I'm at home iIu.

Pluck ...

A small piece of paper, fell down

just like that, I picked it up, then turned it around, and it was clearly visible,

it was the result of my first child USG, the son of my marriage to Bagas.

“How are you Brother?” I stroked the photo with my eyes already condensed,

although I did not like his father, but I also loved my son very much, if I had known he was in my womb at that time, I would have done the same, I would have kept him, whatever's going on.

“Jan“ suddenly Mom touches my shoulder.

“Astagfirullah“ I blinked.

“Why you?” ask Mom slowly.

“What is bu“ I replied while wiping away tears.

“You okay??” Mom looked at me.

“It's okay Mom, I just remember it“ I replied as I showed Mom a photo of USG.

Mom smiled, then hugged me full day “ It's okay, it's natural that a mother remembers her child, as bad as a child, in Mom's eyes, she's perfect, whether the child is still by her side, or

no longer by her side“ Mother wiped my tears with her finger.

“Mother, is Mom happy with the presence of your granddaughter??” I asked, I looked at the face of Mother who was filled with happy words.

“Of course, the presence of grandchildren is the thing I'm really waiting for, you know Jan?? Even the neighbors almost every day to Mother, ‘Bu Maya when have grandchildren??’ “ Mother imitates the voices of the neighbors.

I chuckled “Then ??”

“Yes now I can answer ‘I now have two grandchildren at once‘ and they are silent, then do not dare to ask again“ I also chuckled amused by the answer.

“Is Mom very happy??” I ask again to make sure.

“Of course, very, very happy, Mother's old days, will be filled with laughter from the grandchildren of Ibu“ replied enthusiastic Mother.

I was again bowed down, this child was so awaited by everyone, especially by my Mother-in-law, she was the most frenzied showing off this even unborn grandchild, already bothered from

now buy a lot of clothes and toys for babies, but do not know it yet

what gender, but Mamah Anita just bought a lot of toys to

boy, because he was very sure, if his grandson would be born with a male gender.

“Mother, Jani will come to the grave of Jani's son,“ I have decided to come to the grave of my son, which I have never seen before

go before birth.

“Are you going strong?” ask Mother.

“Iya, in sya Allah Jani will be strong bu“ I smile grasping Mom's hand.

“Alright, Mother inter ya“ Mother offers herself.

“No Mother, Jani can be alone, anyways Jani will be among Mr. Anto“, I replied.

“Ah, okay, but don't be long Jan, Mom

anxious“ pinta Mommy, I nodded, then moved, riding the car that was driven by Mr. Anto.

“Bu, sorry, Mr nanya, said Mother again what??” mr. Anto said in the middle of our trip.

“Ah, yes, just say I want to go to my son's grave pak“.

“Good bu“ Mr. Anto swiftly nodded.

Silent, I stared at the street from the window of the car I was riding in.

Upon arrival at the funeral, I walked with trembling knees, “Sorry for never visiting you, but, my prayers always

with you, are you happy now?? Are you in heaven?? Ah ... what if Mom catches up with you soon??” my heart kept asking.

I swiped the gravestone, which read Bagas JR. I don't know what it means, but maybe this is just to mark, if the blood that resides in there, is the seed of Bagas, I don't feel my tears dripping so hard, the feelings of a mother who lost a child that she hoped for, as well as the feelings of a mother, who is now struggling between life and death, to fight for a new life. Imagine how my heart is right now.

“Anjani“ sounds it, I know him so well, but who?? I turned my body, to see the figure who called me.

“Mas Bagas??” I gasped in shock, staring at the face of Bagas who was now standing right in front of me.

“You visited our son's grave?” tanyakanya.

The deg!

What is this feeling?? Why is it that lately, I have always been met with my past?? Is the world really just as wide as a moringa leaf?? Is that language true??.

“I yes“ I replied, then lowered my gaze.

“How are you?” Bagas extended his hand to me.

“Baik“ I replied while putting my hands on my chest.

Bagas lowered his hand again, “Maaf“ said, then he started squatting in front of the small pile of soil, slowly maybe he was praying, then watering the ground with water, and sowing flowers. Then he stood up and looked back at me.

“Do you come here often?” tanyakanya.

“No, just this time“ replied me, while looking away, there was a sense of discomfort because Bagas kept looking at me.

“You're pregnant again now??” he asked as he looked at my stomach, which was beginning to show.

“Iya“ my answer is short.

“Congratulations Jan, I'm so happy“ She smiled at me, a sincere smile from an ex-husband.

“Thank you“ I replied, I also crouched back, I wiped the tip of my son's headstone, these teardrops I can not stand, until

again my stomach feels so painful, sore, and sakiitt ...

“Aaaawwww..” I grimaced, clutching my stomach.

“Jan, you why??” tanya Bagas crouched down, trying to check my situation.

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