WHEN LOVE IS TESTED
Complicated

Anjani P.O.V

Living a new status as a widow is difficult for me, I believe being a widow is not an attractive option for all women, I believe all women on this earth, she said, dreaming to be able to have a life partner, who not only loves inner birth, but also always faithfully accompany, but now, that status has become a reality for my life. Man can only desire, but God determines everything.

Being a widow is not an easy matter, but I realize that this reality can happen to anyone, this status has become part of life in this world. I even got frustrated because of it, I don't know what to do now, the crowds whispering when I cross paths with me, I know they must be talking about me no-no.

I did not expect my way of life to be like this, my fortitude, my love, my affection were really being tested. My husband is not my true soul mate. It turned out that after I met many men, even the man who had said his sacred promise, it turned out that he was also not my soul mate.

Sick, when people especially married women always increase their alertness tenfold when passing me, maybe afraid if her husband glances at me, even though my eyes are not at all neat. Even I always lowered my gaze, when walking.

When I came out of the house people looked at me with question marks, when I preached to say it was nervous, when I didn't preen in saying it couldn't take care of itself, it was slum and weak. When I reply to a man's communication he says odd, less hug and affection, and when I don't reply he says he's arrogant, judes, jutek, not self-aware.

 It's really complicated if we fully listen to people's chatter. But I try not to listen to their whispers, I just do my best. God will be a witness to everything I have done in this world.

“Assalamu’alaikum Jan, what else??” Anwar came to my house one afternoon, while I was cutting ornamental plants in front of my house.

“Wa’alaikumsalam, I again cutongin flowers, why are you here?? Come sit“ I replied, while allowing Anwar to sit in a chair in front of the house on the terrace.

“Yes, thanks Jan. It's okay I just want to play“ replied Anwar while landing his ass on the chair I showed.

“Oh, why not just go to the park if you want to play?? Why here?” ask me while smiling.

“Ah you Jan, can aj“ replied Anwar while returning my smile.

“What are you doing now Jan??” anwar asked then after I sat down on the chair beside Anwar.

“I am at home, not anywhere“ I replied.

“You, don't mind doing work again Jan?? Make a saturating ngilan?” anwar looked at me inside.

“No, I just want to rest first, if to just say saturated now I still help mom make kok“ cake, I replied explaining.

“Oh rowdy,“ replied Anwar, instantly the atmosphere became silent. We seemed to be drowning in our own thoughts.

“Jan,“ call Anwar soft.

“Iya,“ I replied while looking at him.

“You're better now??” asked Anwar who sounded ambiguous in my ear.

“Meanway?? You see I'm okay??” I answered while looking at myself.

“Not physically you, but your heart Jan, you can already forget your ex-husband??” asked Anwar who managed to make me remember Bagas again.

“I've tried to forget Bagas, I'm learning to erase all the stories, and the beautiful dreams that once intertwined so deeply in my heart.“ I answered while pointing at my own chest.

“Why?? Because you already hate him?? Or maybe now you've been thinking about finding a replacement??” anwar asked me more and more.

“Not Bagas, then now Bagas who for you Jan??” Anwar kept looking at me.

“Bagas is only the past, which may not be left in my mind. Bagas has been crushed into a rubble that I can no longer see, and do not want me to remember“ I replied while looking at Anwar.

“You why is it?” tanyaku later.

“Nothing, I'm more confident, if you are a great, strong, and independent woman” praised Anwar who made my cheeks warm up.

“You just found out??” ask me while smiling thinly, teasing him.

“I think you are now crying, shutting yourself up, and lamenting fate, hhee ..” Anwar chuckled with his own statement.

“I'm not that weak Anwar“ replied I'm sure.

“I know it from the first time we met Jani, I even learned a lot about life force from you“ Anwar's words made me frown.

“Hmht??? Meaning??” I just can't hide my curiosity anymore.

“You know Jan?? After I met you, I so have the strength to be able to organize myself and try to heal“ Anwar replied while glaring.

“You always say about healing, what are you sick Anwar??” manya curious.

“I'll tell you when it's time“ Anwar replied which frustrates me.

“The answer is that only, you already owe a lot of the same explanation I know“ I remind Anwar about all his explanatory promises.

“Iya, I will explain later, but not now“ Anwar is still strong do not want to explain anything.

I took a deep breath and took it out gently “I hope, when that time comes, I am still in this world Anwar“ I replied blankly.

“Where are you going??” anwar asked, frowning his forehead.

“Gak everywhere, I still stay here kok“ I smile looking at Anwar at a glance, then subdue my gaze.

Ah, reuniting with Anwar with my new status, was a real test for me. Anwar used to come home, just to see how I was. As an adult woman I certainly understand, there is another meaning to each visit Anwar, and this makes my situation very complicated.

Tau right?? How's the neighbor's chattering?? Singgle women and men stop to meet each other too often, will give rise to its own paradigm for lay people, and kepo. Although nothing ever happened to us.

Ah, how should I handle all this???.

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