I'm Not an Old Virgin
Season II: Mahligai of Love (Chapter 14.5)
"I'm..." Ai looked dazed.
For a moment he could not say anything to reply to Almaira because what was said was indeed true.
Her...
His courage catapulted hope to a man as perfect as Ustad Vano. Ustad Vano is a perfect man and he wants a perfect partner.
And himself?
Ai can't fulfill all that. She had no beautiful body shape, she was a flat-chested girl, and she did not have long, stunning black hair.
He doesn't have it all, he can't make Ustad Vano comfortable living with him. He is lacking, lacking in everything.
And this womb, this,
His thin hands touched his flat lower abdomen, very, very flat with no life in it.
Ai knew that even she knew better than Almaira if this place, the place that God gave her as an advantage, the place that all women on this earth had... the place that was supposed to produce a life was very unlikely to happen to Ai.
Her...
He could not give any offspring to Ustad Vano, to the man he loved or to any man in the world.
Because he is not capable,
He was not able to do all that and he did not have all that Almaira had, so why did he so dare to raise hope for Ustad Vano?
Is it because they are part of the past?
Is it because they made a promise 13 years ago?
O Aishi Humaira, stop making impossible dreams! This is just a childish promise, a promise that no one as big as you should remember!
"You can't say anything, can you? You can't say anything because you know that everything I said just now is true! You are flawed and you have no advantage whatsoever, so I beg Aishi Humaira, please stop chasing after Ustad Vano because he deserves more to be with me, alongside a perfect woman like her. Aishi, will you?" Almaira softened her tone at the end of the sentence.
Ai speechless. He clenched his hands together with the wounds that had been raining down on his heart.
This...
This is really sick. It hurts, God.
"I.want to go home." In a daze he stood up from his seat.
"You haven't answered me." Almaira.
But Ai doesn't care. He carried his two limp feet step by step out of Umi's house.
But seeing all the reactions Ai had, Almaira knew that Ai should have understood his position here and she hoped Ai would not interfere with his closeness with Ustad Vano.
Hah, finally the heavy burden in his heart can he get rid of.
Meanwhile outside the house, Ai saw the sky was dark. He was not aware that his conversation with Almaira would take this much time. Confused, he then looked left and right to search for Tiara's whereabouts.
But Ai does not find Tiara's whereabouts here, and she knows that Tiara reneges on her promise.
"I want to sleep." His whisper started walking alone.
Walking down the path is very quiet because everyone is praying inside the mosque now.
From afar, Ai's skinny back looked extremely lonely. He's lonely, he feels alien here. He felt this place was not a place he deserved to go to.
"My head is dizzy." Ai muttered to herself.
He said that his head was dizzy but his right hand clenched and began to beat his flat chest.
He struck her in panic, as if in this way all the pain and tightness in his heart could soon disappear.
"Hiks.it hurts, God, it hurts!"
Ai was so hurt, she was disappointed with all the truth that Almaira had said just now. He was very disappointed.
"Oh my God, this is sick." Steps ceased. Feeling that his chest couldn't go away, he hugged his chest with the same hope, the hope that all his pain soon disappeared.
Confused, his heart still throbbed. He wondered what he should do so that his heart would not hurt again.
What's he supposed to do?
Whahuh?
Ah, if only he hadn't gone too far then his heart wouldn't have hurt this much. He will not be disappointed with all the truth that Almaira said just now, at least.
"Why is this self still not aware of it? Why is this self still unaware of its flaws, huh Aishi! Yes Aishi, wake up! Wake up from all your vain hopes! You can't give anything to him, you can't give anything! So, what makes you love her so much? What, Aishi! What!"
He fell down, he questioned himself, why?
Why is he so daring to crave someone whom God created in a perfect body?
And himself?
She is a disabled girl.
He's defective.