MUSE
MY CHILDHOOD

MUSE

EPISODE 2

MY CHILDHOOD

\~Not..not me. but their words killed me\~.

“Wah, her hair is so white, like a stranger, huh?”

“Yes, his eyes are also another color, the lighted Violet.”

“Poor Mistress, her first child has abnormalities, yes.”

Every day that is what the servants in my house will gossip about and gossip about after I am born.

Although Papa was disappointed with my situation, but he could not resist his instincts as a parent to try to love me. Mama is also a strong woman who always lavishes me with affection and warm embrace.

He's the one who never cared the most about what people said about me. To her, I was the moon goddess or the little angel God sent to accompany her in this world.

I have never protested against my condition or circumstances. To me, what was seen in the glass was the figure of an energetic and always cheerful child. I love everything I have, my favorite pony doll, all my toys, all my hairpieces, all my clothes, and all my hats.

Everything seemed fine, until one day I heard Mama and Papa fighting because I had to go to school.

What was so scary about school that my mom and dad had a fight?

They are a harmonious couple who always love each other. Why was it just because of a trivial matter that they were fighting?

“Papa.. Mama.. don't fight, said Nenny is not good,” I said plainly. Nenny was a call to the woman who took care of me.

Mom sniffled and hugged me. Papa just fell silent and threw away his face, his neck muscles and face that had originally stiffened now looked more relaxed.

“Lenna, come here baby!” Papa told me to come in his arms, I said. My little foot stepped into the circle of his hand.

Papa raised my body and put me in his lap.

“Do you want to go to school, honey?” tanyanya.

“What school is it, Pa?” I answered him with another question.

“School is a place to learn, so Lenna can be a smart child. And also have many friends to play with.” Papa started explaining the school to me. I accepted his explanation with excited nods.

“Kai, I beg you. Lenna home schooling only.” Mama's eyes still look glazed.

“Rose, don't stop Lenna from knowing the outside world.” Papa's face begins to tighten again.

“But... What if he's excommunicated? What if his friends insult Lenna?” tears came down from Mama's beautiful eyes.

I really didn't understand their language and terms at the time. Ostracized? Insulted? Whatisit?

“He's my son too! I also do not want him to be humiliated or ostracized. But I want him to be a strong boy. Until when will we protect her continue?” Papa grabbed Mama's arm and gave her spirit.

“Mama, is that school so scary?” tanyaku.

“Ngak, Darling. School is not scary.” replied Mama.

“Then Lenna wants to go to school, Ma,”, I answer with confidence.

Mom and Dad smiled when they saw me smiling. It was so nice to see them both smiling.

—MUSE—

(Credit to owner)

Papa took me around to see the school I was going to go to. My eyes turned around looking at the place. Still remembered in my mind, various kinds of wall hangings made of colorful paper, images that are neatly colored using crayon, crayon, and some of the papers were inscribed with poems that began to look worn inside the frame. All of this is the work of the students. I also remember the smell of lemon from the air conditioner in the principal's room.

“Name Lenna, she is special.” Papa introduced me to Bu Sari, the principal of the MATAHARI Elementary School that I was about to enter.

“Good, Sir. We will definitely keep.” a smile spread on the face of the middle-aged woman, when alternately looking at me and Papa.

“Envigorous learning, yes, Darling.” Papa kissed my forehead before leaving me alone in this strange place.

Even though I said I wanted to go to school, there was a fear in my heart right now. There was no figure of Papa, Mama, or Nenny accompanying me in this new place, making my voice growl. But I don't want to cry, I don't want to make Papa and Mama disappointed.

“Kids, we have a new friend, hlo!” Bu Sari tries to get attention from children who are still busy shouting, chatting, and who are engrossed in their own world.

“Come, Son!”  the woman waved her hand at me. I walked and walked into the classroom.

“Include my name Cellena, I used to be called Lenna.” I tried as hard as I could to clarify the pronunciation of my name.

The atmosphere was suddenly so quiet and all eyes were on me. Was there a mistake I made? Their eyes showed shock and fear.

“Mother teacher, what is she?” asked a little boy, his voice sounded so loud.

“She looks like a vampire, her body is white once.”

“Vakkat red, she looks more like a ghost.”

“Ghost?? I'm scared.”

“Kids calm down first. Lenna is human like you. Lenna was born special. You guys are good friends with Lenna, yes.”

“Good, Bu.” answer them in unison.

But their answer is just an answer to give a sense of relief to Bu Sari. In fact, after no teacher taught, they kept me down. No child would come near me because of my different skin color.

When Class 1 Elementary School, I didn't really pry their words.

In Class 2, they started talking to me, especially guys.

When Class 3 Elementary School, their bullying to me became more and more so.

When Class 4 Elementary School, I was getting sick and felt like dying.

I never told Papa and Mama about my problems. I was afraid they would fight again because of me. But my tolerance threshold seemed to be running low and began to bully my soul. I often cry myself at night, my appetite is gone, and I spit out food more often than not.

Until I finally felt that it was better for me to just die, there was no point in me living.

They say I troubled my Papa and Mama with my birth in this world.

They said I was just a son of a fucking carrier.

They said I was disabled.

They said I was abnormal.

They said I was God's punishment to my parents.

They say..........

They say.........

Go on and on..

Again and again....

It filled my mind.

“ARGH.....!!!” I screamed and slammed the glass next to my bed. My eyes are red from drowsiness and dark circles appear around my eyes. I may not be able to sleep for 3 days.

“Lenna, open the door!” mom's voice banged on the door in my ear, but I didn't touch it.

My tiny hand picked up the flakes of the glass that were scattering on the floor, with a tremble I picked up the largest shard, also with the sharpest tip. My reasoning seemed to disappear, my crying began to dim. My breathing started to get irregular, my hair was messy.

They say my blood is as white as my hair and skin. My blood is the cursed blood that God gave me.

Crooots..

The sound of blood spurting from my wrist was still clearly ringing in my mind. I sliced my own veins. I don't know what demon possessed me then. One thing I clearly remember is that I smiled when I saw that my blood was red.

And after that my vision started to blur, and everything turned black.

The sound of Mama's cries and screams rang out very far at the end of my ear. I heard Mama crying and calling my name over and over again.

Why am I doing this?

Though I each want to hug Mama, feel the warmth of her love, feel her fingers tickle my stomach when I'm naughty.

Wh why?

Why am I so stupid to kill myself?

No. not me, but it was their words that killed me. It was their words that made me do this.

I don't want to die yet.

I want to live.....

God help me.

—MUSE—

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Pip pip pip...

The sound of the patient's vital signs monitor screen continued to sound and began to sound in my ears.

“This is all because of you, Kai. Now what I'm afraid of happens.” Mama started yelling at Papa, apparently she was in shock because I tried to kill myself.

“I don't think it'll get this way. I'm sorry, Rose.” Papa crouched down in the corner of the room and grabbed hair with his two stocky hands.

“Apologies on, Lenna. Don't me!”

It seems that what I have done has a serious impact on Papa and Mama. I wanted to call them, but my throat was choked. It feels so painful and dry.

I could faintly hear them fighting. Mama banged Papa in the chest, and Papa just kept silent neither replying nor trying to dodge. Mama's anger began to subside and changed with sobs. He hugged Mama and tried to give her some peace. Seemingly successful, Mama's cries began to stop and now they rushed inside to approach me.

“You're up, son?” Mama rubbed the tears that fell slowly from the corner of my eyes that taper.

“Maafin Lenna, Ma.., Pa...”.

“Hush..stt. We were wrong.” Mama clasped my hand tightly, while her other hand stroked my hair.

“Sorry Papa, Son.” Papa approached and gently stroked my cheek.

Good Lord! What have I done to hurt the parents who loved me so much?  How could I possibly do this stupid thing? I know there are still people who love me so much

existence.

“Just leave school, home schooling only.” Papa nodded and held back his cries.

“Iya, Pa.”

And finally, I spent my teenage years studying at home. I don't go to malls, shopping, to ti**zone, or go to salons like teenagers should. For me helping Mama take care of my sister, the newly born Arvin has made me happy. He was born when I was 10. Thanks God, Arvin wasn't born the same as me. He is normal and has a lot of color in him.

I enjoyed my time with my family. I felt happy until one day, finally Papa and Mama decided to send me back to the outside world.

“Lecture, Lenna! You are old enough to determine the path of your life.” said Papa while enjoying a cup of coffee.

“Find a friend, and dress well.” Mama is smiling.

“Well shall I try,” in the end I can only hope not to go back to that damn hell again.

—MUSE—

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