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Various sounds alternated, from the long-pitched or just clinking at a glance, and all it came from a tool that was beside the Aliena ward, as well as connected to his small body. This is no stranger to me, because I was in a position like this when Aliena was just born. From the beginning of the presence of Aliena is full of struggle. Or am I the one who forced Aliena to fight to be my medicine.?
This ICU cold room restored all my memories of Aliena's struggle and my determination to have it. And the more I thought, the more I realized it was all too much for him. I'm guilty of Aliena. If at that time I did not insist on staying with me, today Aliena would not feel such great pain for the sake of being my medic.
"Aliena was happy, Aliena was no longer sick. Mother never cry again." Serentenan said Aliena before she lost consciousness yesterday afternoon and kept twisting in my brain. To make me dry my tears by myself, because I was afraid that Aliena would be sad when I knew that I was silent still crying.
Silently fixated without talking to anyone, I chose to stay beside Aliena with my hand still on her little finger. My feelings are as disturbing as someone coming in and out of this room to make sure I'm okay. Erik.
"The doctor wants to talk to you both." Erik rubbed my shoulders softly. A thin smile did not forget Erik also gave it to me. "I'll take care of Aliena, as long as you see the doctor." Erik convinced me.
Returning without a word, I chose to stand up as soon as Erik took his place beside Aliena. This sad feeling was definitely not mine, because someone who rose up and followed my steps also seemed to bend his head. His shoulders that usually look arrogant lifted, no less slumped like me.
Out of the ICU room, my slow steps were immediately welcomed with two men who also seemed worried at the look. If Mas Karang looks trying to calm down, then another case with Rendi. Rendi's face immediately stiffened so much that I looked at my calm appearance from the outside.
"War." Rendi's hand immediately hung in the air, as soon as I avoided that big hand touching my head.
"I'm fine. I'm going to see the doctor, Ren." The answer that came out of my lips was enough to make the two men around us notice me.
"I believe in you. I'm waiting here." Full certainty of the speech came out from Rendi. And don't forget the smile review, Rendi also broke up.
"Roses." Gentle calling was still the same as it used to be, but unfortunately it was not able to touch the bottom of my heart that was not calm thinking about the worst of the premonitions I felt.
"It's fine, dr.Karang. I forgot to ask you that from last night." My speech.
"You don't have to worry about that. Just focus on Aliena." The answer.
"Thank you." Not intending to further my words, I chose to step away to where my previous goal was.
Even though there was no sound, I knew that Aliena's father also continued to follow me. Until we got to where the doctor's room was, and I stopped for a while to shake my mind.
"You're not alone. There's me." The word slowly came out as I closed my eyes while pulling the air inside, as if there would be no more air in the room.
"Honestly I'm so scared, War. If I had obeyed your words, all of this would have been minimalistic." Further.
I don't have an answer for what he says, let alone for him. The answer to my hunch alone, I dare not give courage to my heart. Roses can be very visible without tears. Roses are very fragile in there. To make sure to encourage yourself is not capable.
"Come on." It was just that word that I could get out before my hand knocked on the glass door that was in front of me.
Not directly talking, dr.Ria was busy turning back the results of the report and observing the scan results from Aliena. The head, as well as the taste of his lips were able to make my hands sweat cold with thoughts far away from nowhere, as long as it was not the worst possibility.
"The strong Mother, Father." A few words that came out as an opening from dr.Ria enough to make my hand move, from the beginning just to look at each other, now turned a strong grip.
"We're a team of doctors, doing the best we can. And right now I have to say, that Aliena is in a critical state." The storm hit me firmly in my chest, like a blow that instantly smashed to the core of my entire race, making me tremble violently from my toes to my head that kept shaking in disbelief.
"It can also be called a comma." Further dr.Ria explained the state of Aliena. Sometimes the truth is too painful to hear. I feel for myself right now, as if I wanted Dr. Riia to lie to just raise my heart.
"Doctor, do what's best for our son." Said Aliena's Father. "Please." That sounds like a wail.
"Sir, I'm just an ordinary human being, I have limitations. It all depends on the miracle of God." I can interpret the words of dr.Ria is a word to give up subtly.
"Do you mean.?" Aliena's father's tone rose slightly from before.
Before replying, Dr. Riia looked at the two of us in turn, as if making sure that we were ready to hear what she was about to say.
"It is with a heavy heart that I must say. In fact, Aliena survives only because of a device that is currently being attached to her body." What the next word that Dr. Riia spoke I did not listen to her at all, for what spoke to my mind was much larger in voice. And I refuse to hear it. I don't want to hear it, but it's getting louder.
"War, where are you going." Unknowingly, I was at the door, and was about to open it.
"God." Answer dazed.
"Wars. Don't worry, I'll find the best doctor." Said Aliena's father while shaking my shoulder repeatedly.
"I want to think. Let me alone." I'm removing Aliena's father's hand from my shoulder.
Life is like a coconut, some fall from flowers, some fall when the fruit is small and some survive the heat and rain to age in trees. Of course, all for the interference of the possessor of destiny. I love Aliena, and God loves Aliena more. Then there is nothing I can do but to release it with love anyway.
I rolled up the prayer rug that had accompanied me earlier, and stepped out of the Mosque feeling light and heavy. I know it took a lot of courage to take it, just as I chose to continue my pregnancy at risk with no support next to me.
"It's more relieved." Rendi's greeting made me stop my steps and straight look at her who was trying to give me strength through a smile. "I'll listen, whatever it is."
Back I swung a step, not heading to Aliena's room, but I directed my slow steps towards the park. Right under the Jamblang tree where there is a long bench, I stand myself there.
For a minute and two, I was still silent. I threw my eyes away at the orange hanging in the mega mega. Repeating Aliena's smile yesterday under the twilight shade, and the tears were about to spread, but soon I shrunk as I remembered Aliena's words.
"Mother don't cry anymore." That word was like a spell that was so sacred to me.
"Cry, War. At least it'll make you feel relieved." Lirih Rendi was so aware that my eyes had glazed over and were ready to break.
"I'm forcing Aliena too much."
"Hey, not at all. You are a strong woman and a strong mother." Replied Rendi by directly changing position standing in front of me, until her body towering height blocking the twilight that was about to touch my face. "I believe you, whatever your decision must be you've been thinking about cooking." Erik.
"Aliena must be in a lot of pain right now. I'll be a cruel and heartless mother, taking off all the tools now attached to Aliena." I laughed discordantly.
"You know best about that decision, War. As a doctor and your friend, I would also suggest that. You've been trying, and I saw it. At least, before you choose this path, you have given a new color to Aliena by placing the Father of Aliena beside her. Trust me, Aliena will remember you as a great mother." Said Rendi with holding both of my shoulders full of confidence.
"Yes, you're right. At least I didn't take away his happiness. And I saw her smile crack. I'll meet and accompany him." I replied slowly as I hurriedly headed back to Aliena's room.
In front of the room Aliena was crowded with families, both the family of Pak Agung and Pak Bakti. They were seen taking turns to go in to meet Aliena.
No one spoke, only their arms and hugs, enough to be representative of the words they were unable to convey to me.
"War." Said Aliena's father as soon as I was about to enter. Pull her hands and the arm around her head, signalling that I should follow her. But my decision has been unanimous. It's not about ego. Nor is it for giving up at the last point. It's because I'm Aliena's mother.
"I'll see him." I replied slowly, then immediately entered Aliena's room.
Sitting next to the bansal Aliena, I reached back for the small fingers that had been limp, before I was satisfied to peek at his cheeks, forehead and hands. I suppressed all the rumbling feelings in my chest, then I whispered softly in her ear.
"Aliena, Mother's great son. Aliena has fought hard to be present to accompany Mother. Mother promises Aliena, Mother will be fine, Mother will not be a crybaby." Not wanting to sound vibrating, I paused my speech by filling my lungs with oxygen.
"Aliena is tired. Aliena can rest in peace now. Mother sincere." I said though with a heavy heart, but it was as if a heavy burden had arrived off my shoulders. And shortly after that all the tools in the room rang out loud with some doctors and nurses who came and the headband made me goosebumps. Limbung was helpless, but I was quite aware of what I was doing. At least, in the end of the Aliena struggle to be my medicine, I left the happy that it brought. Goodbye my alien, good-bye my medicine.
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Seriate...
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Why there should be a gini party. It hurts to know.
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By: Ariz Coffee.
@maydina862