Roses Are Not in Love
I Don't Want to Hate.

Happy Reading's...

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Spacious room with a bed wide enough compared to the previous Aliena ward, became a striking sight because of the color of the seprey and the thick blanket that was on top of the ward. The accent of the cute mouse cartoon character with his cute band, made me smile wryly remembered who the person who liked the cartoon so much. And she wants Aliena to like the cartoon, like her loved ones.

"You okay, War.?" Rendi asked softly, more like a whisper.

"Of course." I answered, asked Rendi.

"I mean I'm not okay." Rendi said casually and like not saying anything before, because he immediately busy himself to grab the attention of Aliena from his father.

I myself choose to organize my things and little Aliena into a closet that is not far from the Aliena ward. The medium-size sofa became where Rendi occupied herself after Aliena preferred to be on her father's lap.

"That's it, Ren." I shake off the tea I just made for Rendi. VIP room really makes things easy, with all the facilities are all-round and like in a luxury house.

"Thank you, War." Rendi did not take her eyes off of Aliena's father at all. "I've seen Aliena's father, but I forgot where." Rendi Gumam.

I turned my head towards Aliena and her father and slowly I muttered Rendi. "It used to be possible, when I was still boarding."

"What could be." Rendi said as she was unsure as her hand grabbed the cup in front of her. "Ahh, hot War."

"Newly I say, it's still hot. You're in a hurry to drink it." I immediately spontaneously grabbed Rendi's hand which was the spilling of my hot tea and rubbed it slowly with the tip of my hijab and blew it slowly right where there was a red rash on Rendi's white hand.

"What's up.?" I was surprised when Rendi who was constantly looking at me and when I asked that, Rendi was busy looking for her phone. "What's up.?" My Deuteronomy.

"You're looking for a cell phone to document." He answered calmly while smiling mysteriously.

"For.?" I asked more and more astonished.

"Make proof to people, if the angel really exists." I just let go of Rendi's hand and went back to my place and immediately turned my back to Rendi.

"I just found out, angels are getting prettier when they're angry." Say Rendi again with a cry.

"Stop it, Ren. Is your life too boring, until you have to say it to a widow." I said with a firm tone.

"Duh, I was wrong to say it. Don't let the angel return to the sky mending not umpetin cepetan deh selendangnya." Said Rendi stupidly with my ultimatum and chose to pull the shawl that I usually use to hold the Aliena when fussy.

"More."

"Dhem. Aliena's asleep." A cold tone was heard from the short word of Aliena's father.

"Let me say the pillow." I said quickly and walked slowly towards Aliena's father who was holding Aliena.

"I helped lay it down." Rendi made a sound.

"No need, I can do it myself." I think Aliena's father's attitude is natural, but it's not right for me. Because it should be, Father Aliena quite understand, that Rendilah who had been near Aliena.

The night wasn't too late actually, but I think my eyes wanted to be closed, especially after Aliena slept the three of us were quieter. Rendi also does not talk much as usual, if Aliena's father does not like to talk to me. Then why don't the two of them just go away, and let me rest before tonight I have to stay up when Aliena starts to fidget with her sleep.

These two men were even cool in silence by sitting far apart. And it's like being in a cold war that I don't know why. Just tell me I'm too stupid, but yeah that's how I am. I'm lazy to guess what they both think.

"When do you two plan on going home.?" I said after I had been patient enough to hold back, to also endure the drowsiness of the curse.

"I'll stay here." Aliena's father spoke quickly and deliberately ahead of Rendi.

I turned my head towards Rendi to confirm Rendi's reply. The heavy breath of Rendi accompanied by the rise of her from her seat made me also get up from my seat.

"I have a morning shif in the hospital tomorrow. So, sorry tonight I can't keep you company War."

"It's okay, I'm used to it myself. Let me drive you to the front." Rendi replied to me with a smile. And after parting ways with Aliena's father, we walked together to the door.

"You're sure you'll just be alone with her.?" Said Rendi as soon as the door behind me closed.

"You mean, Aliena's father.?" Rendi nodded for sure.

"Yes." Yeah." Silent, there were only the gazes the two of us met. If Rendi's gaze looks full of anxiety, then it's the other way with me. Because, I actually looked at Rendi full of question marks.

"He's your ex-husband, War. At least there will be memories you can remember together."

"Our relationship isn't what you said, Ren. Go home, heart on the road." I said and immediately turned around to open the door again, but stopped because of Rendi's words.

"I believe you, War. But I can't lie to my heart, I'm jealous." My feelings were mixed up. "See you tomorrow, Assalamu'alaikum." Aliena is still my priority. I never thought about feelings. Whatever it is, it never is.

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"He's gone.?" Ask Aliena's father as soon as I get back in.

"Did she come to see you and Aliena often.?" I felt that Aliena's father's question was too unpleasant to hear because the tone sounded annoyed in my ears.

"Yes, you could say that. I'll rest first. Good night." I broke up and quickly climbed into the Aliena ward and pulled Aliena into my arms.

"War, are you asleep.?" Say Aliena's father again.

"What's up.?" Answer's short.

"I want to bring Adit here tomorrow." Aliena's father paused her sentence, so I could answer no, because what she said was not a question but a statement. "If you will." Next lirih.

"Adit must be very similar to Kak Melati now. How's she doing.?" I said without looking at the person I was talking to.

"Addit your son, War." I sighed deeply, filling each of my lungs with oxigent.

One mistake that kept looming as I came to heal my wounds was Adit. I forgot the responsibility I was entrusted with, for being busy healing the wounds of Adit's father. Now, when I have to go back to face him, do I have enough face to remind Adit that I am his mother.

"Does he remember me.?" The word came out of my lips. And I set my ears sharp so that I would not be misheard by the answer.

"Eitherway. Adit never asked you." He said that uncertainly made a smile rise on the tip of my lips, a scornful smile.

"I deserve it. Because I'm not the mother responsible for her." I said lirih.

"Adit never asked me where you were, but every teaching, every precept you had was with Adit. And I only have the body of Adit, for his soul goes with you." He said with a sad mada without being made.

Not wanting to get carried away, I chose to end this conversation. But, not yet my mouth was open to talk, Father Aliena came back before me to speak.

"Before, I never realized it was all karma for me." I still choose in my place and always turn my back on him who is pausing his words with a deep sigh.

"After you left, everyone left me. Like Adit, I also only have the status of Son and Brother in the family, because all their thoughts are on you. I only have their bodies. Every act, every pain, all I can recompense is worth never happy me, with never satisfied me. I just pretend to be happy." His long words made me remember every incision he left in my heart.

"Stop, don't say anything else." I said in a sure tone.

"I'm sorry, War. I ask for your forgiveness." Said again. And the apology was repeated several times.

"I'm sorry it might be, but to forget I need time. Don't repeat that apology again, because I've tried my best not to hate." Reply lirih. "I want to rest."

"Wars. There's one more." He said full of hope.

"Say."

"It's about Daffin."

"I don't have anything to do with him." Answer me with a sure tone.

"There is, because I'm the reason your story is imperfect."

"Don't talk about it anymore. Because that's no longer my priority, just about Aliena not having to go anywhere. Good night." I purposely closed my ears tightly, so that I wouldn't have to hear what Aliena's father said. But, what is noisy in my heart is much louder than what I hear with my ears.

Whatever it is, I don't want to hate it, because I want to make peace with it. And that's not enough with Aliena's father alone, but also with Aliena's entire family, especially with the people I'm directly involved with. That includes the person who once made my shame disappear, by asking him to choose me even though I was with his brother. Mas Coral.

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By: Ariz Coffee

@maydina862