Roses Are Not in Love
Not Quick enough.

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Love is the only freedom in the world. And I'm trapped in that freedom. On the one hand, I want to hold on to my feelings. While on the other side of my heart, I want to serve someone who has bound me strong enough with his promise to God.

Shutting myself up in the room after this afternoon, I tried very hard to organize my heart that was somehow scattered like what it is today. She was the one I wanted before, the one I was waiting for her to come, the one I hoped would take me away from the pain of longing. Apparently, the universe still wants to joke with me.

The world is indeed round and I keep spinning in the same vortex. Whyyyy.? Why should Mas Karang be Bang Daffa's younger brother. And why should I be in a moment like this. If I could ask for something impossible to grant, I'd like to go back when I was eight. I will say "no" to Sister Melati, because that way I will not face the pain of complicated love as it is now.

Should I go back to taking care of someone's feelings and ignoring them with my own. I have to how.? That sentence is what I kept thinking about the answer. Until everything I thought about was a mess.

I love Mas Karang for sure, but in my heart I also want to keep the feeling of Bang Daffa who has tried to accept me after so many times of rejection. There is Adit who I also want to take care of, but do I have to spoil my own feelings.

Ready not to be ready, now or later, in the end I will still meet with Mas Karang, and Mas Karang will still be Bang Daffa's Brother.

It could have been my relationship with Bang Daffa and left some distance between us. But it will not be the same as Mas Karang and Bang Daffa, because the bonds of blood will be thicker than water. For that, I will sacrifice my feelings again, for the sake of the person I love so that there is no need for debate afterwards.

The heavy step I dragged forcefully pulled myself out of the confinement of an agitated heart, and added a smile on my lips even though my heart was running low. Joining Ms. Asri preparing dinner, I chose to say a lot of things that I really did not need to ask, to make Devi who participated in enlivening the kitchen question my seriousness this afternoon.

"Bak Roses, why the hell, weird." Devi Protest.

"Why what, Vi. It's not good that your mother talks a lot. I like it." Timpal Bu Asri's.

"Ihh, I don't understand it anyway." Reply Devi was still relaxed. "The Rose is depressed.?" Tanya Devi arrived.

"Bruk." A bundle of kale directly landed on Devi's head, making Devi scream in shock at what Bu Asri was doing.

"You don't just talk, Vi." Cut Ms. Asri quickly before Devi let out her frustration and I chose to be a connoisseur of this mother and daughter drama.

"Hum, Devi was already shampooing." Devi protests while stroking her long hair. "Devi part is not at all ashtray aka the origin of the sound. Because according to the psychological study that Devi had followed, people who were smiling with deep eyes and there was a wrinkle in the middle between the two eyebrows, the middle of the eye, it could be that he was just pretending to be happy. Or the term eccedentesias**t." Clearly Devi was at length while looking at me intensely.

"Don't like to save trouble, Ma'am. Ooh, Buk." I who had been cornered, immediately felt saved with a napkin that arrived had silenced Devi's mouth.

"Have not said much, make your presence useful here. Since earlier peeling carrots not finished noisy finished. It would be better if you just leave the kitchen." I again forced my smile to the intrusion of the two, until for a moment I forgot who we were preparing for his arrival.

"Well, all right, Devi go first." Devi said while standing up. "Bak later if you intend to consult with Devi, Mbak Mawar not have to find Devi where. It's still free, ma'am." Continue Devi while giggling.

"Don't listen to that kid, War. He really likes rame, what else if together with Daffin, I feel tired of screaming." I don't know why Bu Asri's explanation actually makes my chest feel tight again.

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The dining table was ready more than five minutes ago, and I chose to stay in the kitchen for fear of the arrival of the person I wanted to see. Mas Coral.

Standing in front of the stove by continuing to twist the tip of my veil, I did not realize that the water I boiled had already boiled. If it wasn't for Adit getting into the kitchen and quickly pulling out my hand, then I would still be standing in front of the stove with an ungodly mind.

"Om Afin, this is Adit's Mother." My chest rumbled violently and delivered pain that was also extraordinary when Adit suddenly called out the name of Daffin who was none other than Mas Karang.

I did not dare to lift my face, even though I had prepared everything so that my heart would be firm. And it turns out that the pain is like this, when I have to deal directly with Mas Karang.

I kept holding Adit's wrist firmly. "Mother is sick." Adit.

"Oh, sorry dear." I replied in a soft tone and quickly let go of Adit's hand.

"What's wrong with you, War." Whisper Bang Daffa who was already standing next to me.

"Ehh, no. Nothing what's wrong." Kilahku and Bang Daffa immediately put their hands on my shoulders.

"Fin, that's your new brother-in-law. Rose's name." Pak Bakti said.

"Rose..?" The sound is still the same. And the effect of that sound still has the same effect on my body.

"Yes, his name is Rose. Beautiful as its name." Timpal Bu Asri's. "War this is Daffin's second mother's son." Continue Bu Asri.

Replying to his nod, there was a slight feeling of disappointment pinching my heart. Why Mas Karang actually smiled sweetly in front of me, did he not know that my heart hurt to see that. Doesn't he feel the pain I feel. Is it possible that I was expecting too much against Mas Karang.? But why is he still wearing the shirt I sewed for him first.?

At this dining table conversation after conversation just flows while enjoying dinner together. While I choose to trace the contents of my plate that actually feels bland in my mouth. Of the many ways I can reduce this nervousness, is by temple busy with Adit.

"It can, Mother." Adit protested as I tried to separate the fish bones from Adit's plate.

"Roses, don't spoil Adit too much." Bang Daffa said with a sweet tone.

"That's your plate still intact, War." Said Bu Asri. "We are all almost done. Look at the dusty Daffin dishes as they are washed, it looks very suitable with your cooking." Continue Bu Asri.

My eyes and Mas Karang glimpsed, and somehow this gaze turned sad for a moment.

"That's because in Mother's stomach there's Adit's sister."

"Uhuk uhuk uhuk." Bang Daffa coughed as soon as he heard Adit's words.

"Ehh, is it really War.?" Ask Ms. Asri, again my eyes met with the eyes of Bang Daffa when I turned to answer asked Ms. Asri.

"New family." Devi Seru. "Pantesan from earlier Mbak Roses mood changed. It's a mummy."

"That's it.." I said immediately stop as soon as Mas Karang took part in this conversation.

"Adit want a sister what a boy.?" Ask the Coral.

"Chick dong. Adit will be named Alina. Let it be like a star." Adit answered that made everyone laugh except me and Bang Daffa.

"Tuh, Bang Daffin. When does Bang Daffin want to bring someone to introduce us." Devi.

"It should be today, since he has chosen to be happy with others, and others are happy with his presence, I don't think I have the right to ask any more about him."

"Uhuk uhuk.." I immediately choked hard upon hearing Mas Karang's words, and quickly told everyone to leave the dining room.

I am not worthy enough of happiness, I am not worthy enough of a new life of love and peace. Nor am I strong enough to endure the pleasures of life and peace. And it turns out that I am still not worthy enough to ask for infinite love over a loved one.

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Seriate...

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By: Ariz Coffee

@maydina862