BLOODY LOVE'S
Episode 189's

Maria had never spoken close enough to Marco before. Even this morning their topic of conversation is far from casual things that can familiarize people. But right now, as they both laughed at their late greetings, Maria felt that the man was not as cold and as hard as the impression that had been ingrained in her mind.

Maybe because we are both in danger, Maria thought. Humans can suddenly become close if they have a common enemy, and he does feel that they are both currently in the same frequency wave.

Breakfast is always done at eight in this house, Maria knows. That means it's still about an hour away. If she doesn't talk now, Mary knows there won't be a good time to confess.

"I," he whispered, cleared his voice slowly. Look at the person you're talking to. Maria raised her face, looking at Marco with determination. "I'm really sorry to have offended you in the past." He blinked a few times to prevent his tears from pooling. The incident was not his fault, since the first Mary always convinced herself. But this time everything can no longer be done. If in three more days he loses his bet and will disappear, he wants to eliminate all his burdens first. "I don't mean to insult Jose or you personally by laughing impolitely. But I was being reckless."

"There is no point in regretting the past." Marco smiled faintly. "It's not too late to join the Argent Family, I assure you."

But it's too late. Mary's laughter broke bitterly. "Even if I survive this," he said hoarsely, again using more casual language. "I wouldn't deserve it."

"Who said?"

"I am" Mary answered immediately. His wet eyes stared straight at Marco without the slightest hesitation. Her voice was bitter as she continued, "Jose deserves another more respectable girl."

"Which girl is more honorable than a Garnet?" Marco observed. "The queen is too old for Jose, after all she has a husband."

Maria squeezed her cold gun, seeking the constancy of the weapon. "I mean definitely not Her Majesty the Queen," he whispered. He turned his face out the window. His cheeks were heating up, but he was already unable to retreat. "Whoever deserves it, if it's still a virgin."

Marco frowned, but did not comment. The man waited, giving him time.

"I don't know if what I remember is my memory or Arabella's memory" Maria continued. His cheeks were red. He could feel his entire body heating up in shame. "But me and Sir ..." He stopped to take a deep breath and blinked his wet eyes.

Is it my fault I've experienced all this? He thought about the question over and over again since he knew the crux of the matter regarding Arabella. But there is no point in complaining. Don't look down, he thought. If you look down, you'll cry.

"You must be disappointed, too, right?" she whispered, unable to clarify what she was going through. Maria knows Marco understands what he means.

"No," said Marco softly. The man walked past Maria to close the door of the study, confining them in the privacy that both of them needed. "You came to that conclusion based on mere memory? An illusion? How sure are you of his certainty?"

"I can't tell which is real and which isn't" Maria admitted. All day long he tried to convince himself that it was just an illusion, but what if it wasn't? He could not imagine how Jose would react if he knew. He was afraid to even imagine it. "But I can still feel his touch clearly, and it's very .. real."

Marco stepped into the side of his desk, pouring tea from the porcelain teapots that were always available there and replaced regularly to keep it hot. He extended the teacup to Maria, who had no choice but to accept in confusion.

Since Marco did not sit, Mary felt it impolite to sit without welcome. He sipped his tea while standing, with one hand grasping the weapon. It felt a bit of a sip, but after a few gulps, his chest started to warm and his head felt lighter.

"Alright, just say that it did happen and not an illusion," Marco continued while pouring tea for himself. "I just want to say that virginity is just a social construct. That's myth. It was a ridiculous concept to put a price tag on a human. Don't make it your yardstick of honor. You're still Maria Garnet. Princess Marquis Garnet."

Mary silence. There were a lot of things he wanted to say, but what came out of his lips was a wonder question, "I think you're a conservative? "

Marco laughed crisply. "I admit, I'm quite conservative about ethics and manners, but that doesn't make me narrow-minded" he mused, "you know why virginity is glorified by so many people?"

Maria does not know.

"Because of the imported religion from the Middle East," Marco replied casually. "And I mean everything. Everything was. Even before the abrahamic monotheist trio was introduced, pagan religions such as majusi, babylon, asyria, already had stories of miraculous births–born from the virgin womb–as proof of divinity. The claim of virginity is equivalent to holiness starts there." He shrugged his shoulders in surrender. "My position on this should be clear. You know I hate all that religious propaganda crap."

"In addition to being an agnostic, I just found out you're also a feminist, my lord."

"I do not confine myself in such classification boxes." Marco sipped his tea without a sound, knowing the contents of the cup were exhausted. "It is not necessary to be a feminist to know that virginity is just the same abstract concept as the illusion of time. Both are social constructs."

Maria couldn't help but laugh, feeling like she was talking to Jose. They also always argue first, while relaxing by the lake and taking a morning sun bath. It's been a long time since that happened. Now the two of them could not even go out during the day without feeling any eye pain. "Stay does not change reality, my lord," he said softly, expelling his melancholy sense by remaining back to the original topic. "A woman is still called not a virgin if she has had sex, that's the criterion. Even if you call it religious bullshit or social construction, it's still a real thing."

"No. It looks as though it is real because it is conventionally determined" Marco said. The calmness and confidence in his voice seemed to drag anyone who heard to join in the tempo he created. "Just like time. Where is the past or the future? Nothing, we can't go there. Time is not something that really exists, but rather just perception. Time is a concept that was created so that we can calculate duration. Even today has no duration. There is no precise line that can slice the line between past, present, and future, because life takes place continuously, instantly."

Maria frowned, feeling she had to refute, but did not find the right sentence. Stupid me, to forget that this guy never loses in the Discussion Building.

"Return to the thing you're worried about: where will you draw the measure of virginity, young lady? A himen? That thin membrane can tear even without coitus, you can ask Dr. Rolan." Marco shook his head slowly. "If a hymen were so noble, then all the mothers of this world would be damned."

"I'm not talking about that" Maria said. He put the ceramic cup and gun on the cabinet table because he was getting upset.

"You did talk about it, you judge and measure a woman's honor by her virginity status." Marco continued coldly, "Primitive mindset. For primitive religions, women were a curse. The god Olympus even gifted Pandora, a woman, to destroy humanity. But you're a smart girl, Maria. Why should I believe in a concept that is clearly designed to demean you?"

"I can't believe it!" hatch Maria fast. Her tears are melting. "I am Maria Garnet, daughter of Marquis Garnet. Even if I kill someone with my own two hands, even if I fall poor and abandoned, it won't change the fact that I'm the princess." He closed his eyes, setting his breathing that began to irregular. He can't keep this alone. "But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the reality I'm going through, my lord. The truth is that that guy was harassing me. Even if not physically, he obviously raped my brain! Then if a woman's honor is just a mere social construct, do you think I should deny what happened to me? Everything I've been through is just bullshit?"

Maria gnashing. Her tears are hot. It was as if he saw the doors opened to him, as if there was a recalcitrant plug in his head that was removed cleanly.

"Since the beginning you've been talking about two different things, but maybe you're confused about mixing them together." Marco nodded understandingly. "I criticize the way you look at your honor, not denying the existence of your dignity or denying whatever humiliation you experience. What I'm denying is the label you're willing to take self-control. Virginity is not something that can define your honor" he said.

Mary could not translate what she was feeling right now. Not only was he relieved, he felt understood. He felt the complicated thread on his chest softly unravel. Now he realized that this was what he wanted, he was not making a confession to atone for guilt or asking for empty consolation.

Maria realizes she is just looking for someone to tell her something, helping to convince her that after whatever happens, she remains Mary. And he has full right to this anger without having to blame himself.

A sense of relief made Maria no longer feel awkward. He threw himself forward, hugging Marco gratefully.

Marco held his breath. The pain spread rapidly from the waist all the way to the spine, hitting his head strongly. He clenched his jaw, holding himself back from complaining. He patted Mary's back twice. "You knew Jose would think the same way as me."

"I know, therefore I speak first to you," whispered Maria in a muffled voice. Shoulders vibrate. "Thank you."

"The Garnet fox." Marco grumbling. "You're just making me a training ground?"

Maria chuckles. "I need to set my mind," he said slowly, still leaning his forehead against Marco's chest. His head was dizzy, either because he was relieved or because the damned soul in his body was acting. "I know Jose wouldn't put me down, but ..."

"But you're worried."

Maria nodded. Since then the girl used a loud voice and sounded relaxed when talking, but Marco knew this was a serious problem for Maria.

They lived in a cruel society, which waited happily for how the nobles or each other slipped down. And the issue of women's honor juxtaposed with virginity is still like an unwritten law in Bjork. Even a bottomless gust of rumors could bring down a respectable girl. What makes Mary dare to admit what she is going through now is what Marco understood: death.

Although they would not admit it, there was still the anxiety of eating away at the two from within, the fear of the end of everything. Ironically, that's what makes them talk honestly. Death is indeed the only thing that can make humans completely naked indiscriminately.

"Both you and Jose are the same," said Marco. "The hobby denies what you feel. Is that trending?"

Maria distanced herself, wiping the rest of her tears with the back of her hand. "But I didn't like it."

Marco just laughed short, obviously in disbelief. "Go there. Reassure him that we didn't plan a heinous thing that could put your life at risk."

"But we're planning a heinous thing, right?" Maria laughed, just as the door of the room was swung open.

Rolan's hand was still clutching the doorknob, frozen in a pose about to enter. He was surprised to see Maria still half hugging Marco. "I'm interrupting?" tanyanya.

Lady Chantall was behind Rolan, both of the women's eyebrows curved sharply and high. His green eyeballs at a glance looked as if they were flaming.

Die, thought Mary.

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feminist: people/parties who have views or carry out movements so that the rights of a person as a human being are not limited just because the gender is female.

- coitus: s e x.

-agnostic: taken from a (no) and gnostic (knowledge), it literally means not knowing. If atheists mean "do not believe in god", agnostics are not talking about "believing" or "not believing" but about facts that are accompanied by scientific evidence. They attach importance to evidence. According to agnostics, gods and deities exist only at the level of belief. Trust is not the same as knowledge, because people only believe when they do not know. Believing does not require proof. An agnostic is a person who delays in acknowledging the existence or absence of gods and deities because there is not enough evidence to prove these two claims.

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