BLOODY LOVE'S
Episode 215's

"You mean?"

"You know what I mean." Jose tried hard not to turn his eyes away. Maria was not intimidating at all, nor did she put on a fierce face, but there was something in those blue eyes that always frightened her. Afraid that if he stares too long, he will do or say stupid things. Afraid those eyes would turn to look at him coldly and strangely. "I liked you a long time ago."

Nah. He already said it. Jose lowered his head, then quickly raised his face back so aware that the gesture had just made him look weak. His heart is beating fast. His head feels as light as cotton. The sound of clockwork seconds filled the silence, eroding the time.

Oh he will reject me, thought Jose in despair after waiting a bit long and no response. I shouldn't have said this. Not in here. Notnot now. Damnit.

"If you can't answer, that's okay" she said slowly, suddenly remembering that Maria had laughed at the idea of getting engaged to her. Cheeks heating. I should have been self-conscious. Now everything's gonna break. "Sorry to confuse you."

"Since when?"

"Hm?" Jose ventured to look at Maria, finding that the sapphire blue iris had not turned cold or foreign. "What?"

"You said you liked me a long time ago" Maria repeated calmly. But his voice trembled somewhat at the end as he continued the second question, "Since then since when?"

Jose tried to think from when, but his head was foggy, filled with all sorts of things that were irrelevant to their current topic. He imagines a corpse instead, imagining the Ashington castle, the game of matrak, Dave, the ancient entity he met when he was dying, Nolan's father. Jose can't think.

"It's been a long time," he replied slowly, trying to buy time to remember. "I think about two years ago I just realized it. It's hard to draw a line whether what I feel is affection for a friend. But I just started to be sure two years ago."

Maria frowned. "Why two years ago?"

"Well, you're going to reject me indirectly." Jose shrugged, proud to be able to say it calmly despite remembering the story still hurt him. It wasn't there. He did not hear what his uncle had said to Mary. He also did not see Mary's expression. All he knows is just a story. But it felt like he was in that place, rejected before he could express his feelings, before he even had time to realize it. "Then I thought. And so I realized .. I want to be with you longer than anyone else."

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"say? After you rejected me?"

"I didn't know you liked me! Uncle Marco suddenly beckoned about the engagement. His attitude was swirling and very careful, and I didn't know why myself, so I laughed. That idea sounds ridiculous!"

Jose focused on the motif of his bedroom curtains, a little offended. "Sorry, then" he murmured. Never had he really expected a meteor to hit the earth like it is now. He wanted an earthquake to hide in his fissure. He was even somewhat hoping that there would be undead coming so as to escape from this situation and not to feel as embarrassed as he was now. "My people must be ridiculous."

"I don't mean it. I mean ... I used to think it was a funny idea."

"Have you?"

It was Mary's turn to take her eyes off. The girl twisted the end of the satin decoration on the waist very solemnly, as if it was the most interesting thing in this world. Her two pale cheeks glazed softly but surely. “Then,” murmured slowly.

“Then now?” Jose was like finding his breath back, understanding how to catch his breath without feeling any pain. He walked forward, careful not to surprise Mary. The girl was still down, her nails playing a loose thread on the satin stitches.

Maria stepped back just before Jose's fingers touched her hands. The girl threw away her face. “Now I'm the one who doesn't deserve you,” he said hoarsely.

Jose is one step closer. Mary flinched like a little rabbit, but did not retreat, nor did she refuse when embraced near and embraced in a gentle embrace. They have often slept together under tilia trees, on Lake Brich. They often ride together and embrace each other. But the physical touch they had before couldn't beat this awkward intimacy.

Maria rested her temples on Jose's shoulders, over his beating heart in a timid beat. Their body heat is contagious. A second feels like decades. It's easy for him to fall asleep. He could have remained silent, welcomed Jose's hand and obediently waited in his protection. Maria almost wished she had been brought up in such an abusive family, which made it easy to deny her own heart. But Mary hardened her own heart. If her pride and honor were damaged by ignoring her conscience, how could she still be the same Maria Garnet that Jose loved?

“She's already touched me,” muttered Maria. He wanted to say it with trained composure and controlled intonation, but his voice broke once the sentence came out. “I don't deserve you anymore.”

Jose's hug stiffened. The man let go quickly. His black eyes stared probing, making Maria lower her gaze. His tears melted again, he had no intention of stemming it.

“What do you mean?” Jose asked. “You never met, right? Don't-don't when ... did you go to his house?”

Maria nodded again. “I don't know when,” he said, sobbing. “But I take a walk while sleeping. My body was taken over by another consciousness. Susan ... found me nights lying outside and I ..” She stopped, clutching herself with a broken heart. “I saw it in my head .. I saw it over and over again, I felt it so real .. it was disgusting but I responded to it, I welcomed it as if I really wanted him. I'm sorry, Jose .. forgive me.”

Although her knees were limp, Maria did not drop, nor did she falter. The girl just stood still with her face down, her shoulders trembling, both hands hugging her arms, like a flower bud that was clenching the leaves to protect herself.

Cold anger boiled over in Jose. He had never been so eager to kill someone like this, but he refrained from saying so. He must not seem angry, not when Mary finally found the courage to say what happened. He did not want to make Mary feel that she was the one being scolded. The girl shut herself down and would say nothing more. One wrong move would make Maria feel humiliated and lose faith.

Jose actually thought that it was possible that Maria was just an illusion, but he knew that it should not be spoken at this time. Asking her would only make Mary have to re-imagine what she saw, and that would be tantamount to insulting her again.

What makes Maria feel disgusted is how she loses control over herself—it makes no difference whether it is an illusion or not. Maria felt humiliated at being rendered powerless, and the girl intended to take back control of herself by fighting back directly. Jose understood now why Maria had previously been reckless and put herself at risk. It could have been that for the girl there was no difference between life or death.

Jose reached out his hand forward, carefully touching both of Maria's shoulders. No jolt of surprise, no rejection. The girl believed him.

"It's not your fault" Jose said solemnly. "Don't apologize. It's not you who should be apologizing."

"But I .. should be ..." Maria nodded sadly.

"Nothing should be, if your body is taken over by another consciousness while you are unconscious, there is nothing you can do ..." Jose continued softly, "not your fault. Obviously not your fault. And we can definitely recover you after this. If the ritual fails to be performed, they will definitely disappear. If not, we'll find a way, for sure."

Maria raised her face, looking at the man in front of her with tears in her eyes. "At least now you understand. .. I don't deserve …"

Jose shook his head firmly. "Mary, you're human. You're not an item. What makes you feel inappropriate? I love you, and if you feel the same way, that's enough. That's more than enough."

Maria looked down, shaken in a soft sob. "I am also .." whispered. He took a deep breath and raised his face, looked Jose in the eyes straight, then repeated more clearly, "I love you too."

It was like there was a small explosion in Jose's head. For a moment there was nothing he could think of. He wanted to laugh happily, but was also confused as to what to do when Mary was crying like now. "Can I hug you?" he finally asked.

Maria replied by dropping forward, closing the distance between them and wrapping her arms around Jose's body, hugging him tightly.

***