My Love My Pain
In reality

See Arja's current condition. Airin felt she should call the doctor. Arja's hand held him back, she took out a medicine bottle with some capsules inside.

"Take me some water."

"Ba.good."

Airin moved his feet quickly. During this time Airin only knew if Arja was taking drugs. What exactly is Arja hiding from me? the question came to Airin's mind.

***

Tearin's eyes were still fixed on the weakly lying Arja. He doesn't know who to call at a time like this. Arja is always closed when it comes to her life. Airin did not even know his friends and family.

"I have to how?" lirih Airin by the bed.

His hand was still tightly grasping Arja's hand. His phone has been ringing ever since. Yes, since yesterday Vino tried to contact Airin. Though Airin had already said that he did not want to be in touch again.

When Airin will turn off his phone. Suddenly Arja's phone rings. Airin saw the name, Doctor Bob. The doctor? why would a doctor call Arja.

Airin's hand trembled as she was about to pick up the phone. Airin was afraid to hear things that Airin did not want. Again Airin focused on Arja, if Airin was still afraid diq would never know about what happened to Arja.

Doctor: Why didn't you come to take the drugs? (screaming doctor Bob very loudly) You're just worrying me.

Airin: Ma.saf doc. My husband has not been conscious since. Can the doctor come here?

Doctor: Why haven't you said that since. I'll be there soon.

Tuuut tuut tuut. The phone was cut off, heard from the way he spoke. The doctor was very worried about Arja's condition. What Arja actually does. I don't even know about this. What kind of wife am I, thought Airin.

***

"Don't. Please don't leave me, don't go."

Airin tightened his grip on Arja's hand. Since then he has been very nervous. The doctor has not even arrived.

Not long before the door opened. A servant entered accompanied by a middle-aged man. The guy I see with Arja a lot. Turns out he's a doctor who's been taking care of Arja.

Without saying anything. The doctor placed his stethoscope on Arja's chest. He looked anxious, like a father who was afraid of losing his son.

"When has he been like this?" ask doctor Bob.

"Since last night. We had a big fight, he got angry and suddenly he went limp like this."

"Has the medicine been taken?"

Airin nodded. After that, Bob's doctor gave a note of the drug that Airin had to exchange at the dispensary.

"I'm running out of medication. Inevitably, you have to make it up to the pharmacy yourself."

"Yes, Doc. Doc, can we talk?"

The doctor's face changed. He might have a deal with Arja. He was afraid that Airin was asking what they were hiding.

"Dok. Arja my husband, I have to know what's going on."

"Can you promise not to leave Arja?"

What kind of question is this. Why should there be that question. Airin looked back at Arja who was still limp. His body was no longer trembling, not like before.

"Yes. I promise I won't leave her."

"Whatever happened?"

"Yes." Yeah." Airin nodded with certainty.

They came out of the room and chose to sit in the living room. Here, they can talk about many things without disturbing Arja's rest.

"What does Arja actually hurt, Doc?"

"He's not sick. It's just, he had quite a deep trauma."

"Trauma?"

"Yes. Maybe he never told you anything. In the past, she had a person she loved very much. However, fate said otherwise, the woman he loved killed herself in front of him."

"What is the reason why the woman killed herself?"

Doctor Bob clucked. He took a deep breath and looked at me.

"The woman no longer loves Arja. He wanted to leave, but Arja always held him back. In fact, the woman was almost married to another man."

Airin nodded in disbelief. So, Arja's been doing this to him all along. He did not want to go back to experiencing the same thing.

"There's enough I've told you. I'd better get back to my practice" said Dr. Bob.

"wait. If Arja's not sick, why is she taking drugs."

"It's actually a sedative. There are no side effects. He loves you so much, please take care of him."

Airin didn't think Bob's doctor would say that. If Arja really loved him for what he let Airin walk with another man.

"After a long time. He's finally found you, even with a lot of testing."

"What doctor do you mean?"

"I have to get back to the clinic."

Airin was pensive after the departure of Bob's doctor. Is it true Arja is in love with Airin until like this. If so, why did she choose to have an affair and marry Maya. Airin cannot think clearly.

***

After you finish making the corn. Airin prepared a tray to carry the porridge up. Arja must have been waiting for him.

After hearing the explanation of Dr. Bob. Airin feels confident in Arja's love. Maybe he made a mistake because he was human. Yes, you know that every human being makes mistakes.

"Let me take it," said the butler with a smile.

"no need. From today, all the needs of Arja I will take care of. You guys take care of the house."

"Okay, Madam."

Airin carried the tray very carefully. To be honest, Airin still feels very guilty. What else if you remember he almost chose Vino.

Arrive in the room. Arja was sitting with a laptop in her hand. He was still working when he was sick. Airin closed the laptop and put it on the nightstand.

"Eat first, after that take the medicine," said Airin.

Arja just stared at Airin without a word. He pulled Airin closer and raised his face.

"I'll eat if you bribe me."

"Why? isn't your hand still strong to hold the spoon."

Arja laid herself down and said, "I'm so limp, help me," Arja said with a very satisfying act.

"alright. I'll bribe you."

One mouthful, two mouthfuls. There were no words between them, only eyes that looked at each other and occasionally a smile. Airin put the bowl back, the contents have been devoured by Arja.

"Take your medicine," Airin thrusts the medicine at Arja.

"Do you and Vino really have a relationship."

Hearing the question, Airin again pulled his hand. Airin looked at Arja's face, asking what she should ask.

"Do you love her?" arja's hand stroked Airin's long hair.

Airin nodded slowly.

"If I loved her, I might have left you by now. I just consider him a friend."

Arja held Airin in her arms. The hug that Airin had longed for. A hug that was lost due to the presence of a third person. Now, Airin must defend this love. Although there will be many obstacles that will come back.

Love, no one knows the way to go. We can only live it with a smile, even though crying sometimes comes.

***