Healing
6. Brief History

When I got home I didn't dare say a word to my mom and dad, I realized I was guilty. And I was embarrassed and did not dare to apologize to them, I felt that my mistake this time was already too big.

" If mom and dad want me out of this house, right now Raya is leaving. Take it easy, Raya will not abort this fetus, but Raya also cannot stay in this house. Raya does not want mom and dad to share the shame because Raya is pregnant out of wedlock". Finally, my mouth, which had been tightly closed since then, managed to get out a sentence that might not be appropriate for me to say. But I have to say it, before mom and dad kicked me out of their house.

But it turns out my thinking was wrong. Although mom and dad were very disappointed in me, mom and dad never let me out of this house.

" You don't have to go anywhere, this is your home too, if you have to bear the shame, it's our responsibility as parents who have failed to take care of their daughters".

Papa still wants me to stay in this house, while Mama doesn't speak a word. She chose to go into her room and close the door tightly.

Our room was right next to mine, my room next to the living room, and my parents' room right next to mine, just blocked by the wall.

" Go in and rest, from tomorrow you don't have to leave the house, don't go to school, and if you need anything ask your sister to find her. After the age of 4 months your stomach will grow faster, so you should not wander anywhere".

That's the message my dad gave me. It's true, the longer my stomach gets bigger, and if I leave the house, it will definitely be caught by the neighbors if I'm pregnant.

I just looked down and went into the room. Not long later I heard the voices of mama and papa who were heard discussing in their room.

The night was getting late, and the quiet circumstances made the conversation of mama and papa in the next room can be heard up to my room.

" Maybe this has become the way of life we have to bear the karma of my parents' past mistakes. Forgive me for not being able to take good care of Raya", I heard Papa's voice apologizing to mama.

Papa was born without a father, everyone knows about it, my grandmother used to be a maid in Jakarta, she became a maid from an employer who came from the land of sakura, and went home with a distended stomach, my grandmother had my 6-month-old papa in the womb, well.

Grandfather did not marry my grandmother, my father was an illegitimate child, maybe that's why papa is more accepting of my condition pregnant out of wedlock than my mother who comes from a family that is clearly his origin.

Papa said when he was a child, my grandfather once came to our house, just looking at my papa and left a wad of money for my grandmother, to meet the needs of family life here.

Since then, either once a few months, grandma always received remittances for my papa's living expenses from grandfather. Even every year, before my papa's birth date, my grandfather would send me more money for the cost of celebrating my birthday.

It all went on until my dad graduated high school, and my grandfather moved back to Japan with his real family. Since then grandma no longer get remittances, lucky papa has graduated high school and can work to meet the needs of family life. But unfortunately not long since then the grandmother became sickly, and died at the age of just 50 years.

Grandma did get married again, but divorced after three years of marriage, and from that marriage grandmother had a son, he was my uncle, my papa's sister. They are the same mother but different fathers. Uncle now lives in another village because since his marriage uncle lives with his wife.

At this time my ears are back to listen to the conversation of mama and papa in the next room.

" It's all my fault, because I'm too busy working, I should be a good mom to look after them and stay home. But instead I was busy working just because I want to have my own motorbike like my friends who have motorcycles".

Now what I hear from the conversation mama and papa if they fight each other to admit their mistakes. The only one really guilty here is me. I'm afraid of the problems that have befallen our family.

I'd love to leave this house, but Papa has forbidden me to leave, I'm so confused myself, if I stay here, my papa mama will be embarrassed. But if I go, my mom and dad will be worried. And my pregnancy can be known to many people if I get out of the house.

Gradually the voices of mama and papa increasingly sounding faint, it turns out I fell asleep because of a tired mind and body that is also tired.

Starting today I was officially locked up at home, mom and dad kept up their routine as usual, Juna also went to school as usual. I am the only one home alone. Spend time watching TV, and occasionally surfing social media.

There's not much I can do in this little house. All the housework was done by my mom and dad, they didn't let me get tired, knowing I was pregnant.

A month passed quickly. I started hearing bad news that reached my ears.

Maybe the rumors about my pregnancy haven't spread since I've been staying indoors for a month. But my absence outside the home and at school left many wondering. What happened to me.

Some of my village schoolmates came to my house and asked me how I was doing. I am currently 5 months pregnant, but by wearing loose clothing, my stomach can be disguised. Doesn't look bloated.

" Actually you why the hell Ra?, the last time you left, it seems like everything is fine, why now you don't even go to school?, it's been a month since you trupped Ra. That means you've been dropped out of school".

True said Kiki, a friend who often went and went home with me to school. I must have been expelled by the school for skipping without explanation for a month.

" Today we have started trying out Ra..., do you still not want to go to school?, you actually why the hell Ra?, if you are lazy to think, we-we are also the same, we are also the same, but the gig Ra, 9th grade was only a few months away from entering his school. Not long ago I had a graduation exam. It's a shame that we've been through in the 7th and 8th grades".

Now Kiki started to influence me, it is not long before the graduation exam is right, said Kiki, but when my stomach exam must have been very big. And if caught by the school, it's the same that I will be expelled from school and still can't take the exam. Maybe even now my school uniform is no longer fit for me to wear.

" Ra. actually there is something I want to tell you, about a week ago, I saw Yoga in front of our school, he sat on his bike for quite a while. At first, I wanted to kill him, but worried about being considered pretentious, because we have never been officially recognized to Yoga as you".

Dian said something that surprised me. Why is Yoga in front of my school, does she still want to meet me?, indeed since that night I directly blocked the number. I've been so lazy to relate to him. Liar and deceiver. Because of his sweet mouth now my life has become chaotic.

" I broke up with him, a month ago, maybe he's in front of our school waiting for another friend" I said looking for a reasonable reason.

" Seriously Ra you guys have broken up?, don't tell me you're so lazy school because of Yoga?", Kiki started guessing.

But I shook my head, because that's not why I skipped school.

" It has nothing to do with it. I skipped school because I was lazy to think, waiting for me to be in the mood for school, I will go back to school when my mood returns", I replied, no one disputes or complains anymore this time. Even though they are still unsure of my unreasonable reasoning. But Kiki and Dian are now silent and trying to believe the reason I made.